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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want his teacher do more than just apologise?

254 replies

FuriousP · 08/10/2012 12:07

Sorry long post.I have namechanged for obvious reasons!
My son is a new Yr7 at High School, he has been loving classes, and especially those with a certain teacher, he has come home raving about how good her lessons are etc.
Last Friday, I had a very worrying call from his brother (DS2) to say DS1 had been upset by a teacher at school, and was so embarrassed he hadn't got the bus home, and was going to try to walk to his dads palce of work (only 1.5mile, but DS's dont really know the town where the school is very well, and certainly would not be sure of the walking route to that workplace) I tried to ring DS1, only to find his phone was out of power, so immediatly left work and drove to the school, only to find DS2 had got the late bus home instead (couldnt find dads, so went back and caught it, thank god)
It turns out that the beloved teacher had seen him fiddling under the desk (his pen had broken, he was trying to put it back together), and said "DS1, there is only one reason for your hand to be under your desk, and you having a big smile on your face, you are obviously playing with your willy!" and the whole class laughed at himSad My DS gets teased quite a lot as he has a few minor physical disability issues anyway, and found this totally humiliating, so burst into tears, and the TA took him out of nclass and sat with him outside to calm him down. Teacher then came out and said "Sorry, I shouldnt have said that, but lets not make an issue of it, shall we?" all DS wanted to know was why she had done this to him, which she wouldn't (or could'nt!) answer. The bell went for end of school, and all kids came out of class, still talking about incident and laughing, adn at that point DS had made the decision not to get on the bus.
When I got home and heard this, I tried to ring school, but only got answering machine, then at 6pm, I had a phone call from the school Deputy Head Teacher, apparently the TA had gone to him and reported the incident, along with another teacher who had heard this woman talking to DS in the corridor, and DHT, was investigating, and wanted to know if an apology was enough, or did we want more, as apparently this teacher was already under warning for "inappropriate behaviour"!
DS is very upset still, he is worried that the teasing will get worse, and everybody will say he was playing with himself in class, but doesnt want teacher to get sacked, what do I say I want to happen, as, personally I want her hung out to dry for hurting my sons feelings so much, but also want to repect sons wishes?? Thanks for reading this, any opinions welcome (puts on hard hat!)

OP posts:
tharsheblows · 08/10/2012 17:46

You're handling it very well. Write everything down - email the headteacher now with a recap of the conversation and say that you don't believe what she was told and will take it further (ie will follow the complaints procedure to the next step), mainly to get the conversation down in writing, so she can't say she didn't say it later. It really does help if everything is in writing - that way there can't be any he said / she said in the future. (My son left a school where the headteacher simply lied to parents during meetings, saying whatever got her off the hook. It took me a while to catch on...)

swallowedAfly · 08/10/2012 17:47

honestly what springs to mind is you'd have to be pissed to say something so stupid and inappropriate.

the only teacher i ever heard say something that inappropriate used to sit at the front of the room drinking out of a thermos.

ScaryBOOAlot · 08/10/2012 17:53

Bloody hell Shock your poor DS!

If she suspected that's what he was doing, then why not a "Are you okay, DS?" to draw attention to back to her. But to actually say that aloud in a classroom is totally shocking!

tiggytape · 08/10/2012 18:01

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Whistlingwaves · 08/10/2012 18:05

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Whistlingwaves · 08/10/2012 18:07

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tharsheblows · 08/10/2012 18:08

What tiggytape said - do that. I wrote letters and posted them registered mail - there is absolutely no justifiable way to ignore that.

FiercePanda · 08/10/2012 18:08

Can you go into school tomorrow morning and make a real song and dance about this? I would. The school are trying to hush it up by the sound of it, hoping it'll all blow over. The fact MissArsehole has lied about it is absolutely disgusting, like she'll do anything to cover her own back and it doesn't matter that she's making a liar out of your son. I hope the TA sticks to the truth and isn't swayed by the teacher.

Give 'em hell, P.

Whistlingwaves · 08/10/2012 18:15

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Whistlingwaves · 08/10/2012 18:20

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GobTheGoblin · 08/10/2012 18:20

Might be worth having a word with your local MP about this, just so the school know you're taking a serious view about it.

GobTheGoblin · 08/10/2012 18:22

Oh and tell them you expect statements to be taken from all of the class as well as from your son, the TA and the teacher.

TheLazyGirlBlog · 08/10/2012 18:23

That is absolutely disgusting. This is a bunch of 11 year olds right? Highly and grossly inappropriate behavior- no one they said not to say anything about it if they've been warned before. Especially bad as your poor DS1 has other issues that mean he is a target for the nasty kids.

They need to be seriously disciplined I wouldn't want this person near my child ever again. Who says that to young boys?

So cross, total abuse of trust

Wolfiefan · 08/10/2012 18:27

Totally horrendous. I'm a teacher myself BTW. Humiliating a child and accusing him of masturbating under a desk? Wow.
If the school fail to deal with the issue a)contact LEA if school falls under their jurisdiction b) you could always threaten police and or press. Most schools would be petrified of this. Or go straight to Dept for Education.

sassytheFIRST · 08/10/2012 18:32

Got to be honest, I sometimes say to my boy students "hmm, can't help bring suspicious when young men's hands are busy under the deskWink" . It's a warning to let them know I've clocked them using their phone and they take it in good part.

Would never use it on anyone younger than yr 10 though.

diddl · 08/10/2012 18:56

If she thought it was a phone-she could have said "stop texting/using the phone"

There was absolutely no for any smuuty innuendo at all about hand(s) under the desk.

sassy-yuk.

diddl · 08/10/2012 18:56

or even smuttyBlush

bigbluebus · 08/10/2012 18:56

My DS suffered a 'humiliating' incident in class at the hands of a TA who was supposed to be supporting him as a 1:1. The incident also involved humiliating another student in the class.
Fortunately DS did get the bus home, but slammed the front door so hard as he came in, it was a wonder the glass didn't crack. Just as he arrived home, the phone rang and it was the school who had just been made aware of the incident which both DS and the other child had reported - but as it happened last lesson, they had had to rush off for buses. Conveniently the TA concerned had already gone home but I was assured it would be dealt with 1st thing the next day. I trusted the school to deal with it, with the proviso that this TA NEVER worked in the same class as my DS again. 2 yrs on and the school has kept their word.
So in your position, I would be asking for a) an apology to both you and your DS from this teacher and b) that this teacher no longer teaches your sons class. Any other disciplinary action is up to the school to decide.

Hope it all blows over and is forgotten about quickly as far as your DS and the other children are concerned - it did with my DSs incident.

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights · 08/10/2012 19:00

sassy that's just not on at all! Not on. So I don't know what the smiley was for.

missymoomoomee · 08/10/2012 19:03

Sassy I find that really vulgar, save the flirty banter for your grown up friends there is no place for it in the classroom.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/10/2012 19:04

I'm sorry, Sassy, but I don't think that is an appropriate comment whatever the age of the child. As an adult, I would be mortified if someone said that to me, and I am a lot more confident than I was when I was a teenager. Back then, it would have devastated me.

diddl · 08/10/2012 19:09

Is it ever appropriate in the workplace to imply that someone might be having a crafty wank??

foslady · 08/10/2012 19:09

I am so angry for you. The whole debarcle with the teacher and the DHM is disgusting. And a bully (teacher) saying sorry? This sums sorry and bullies up for me......

HoratiaWinwood · 08/10/2012 19:09

It would be a disciplinary in any other workplace, so damn straight you want them to take action.

Hope DS is ok.

Bubblegum78 · 08/10/2012 19:12

Absolute disgrace!!

No, an apology is NOT enough.

I think she should be suspended pending investigation, at least if they decide not to sack her it will at least put the shits up her!