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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want his teacher do more than just apologise?

254 replies

FuriousP · 08/10/2012 12:07

Sorry long post.I have namechanged for obvious reasons!
My son is a new Yr7 at High School, he has been loving classes, and especially those with a certain teacher, he has come home raving about how good her lessons are etc.
Last Friday, I had a very worrying call from his brother (DS2) to say DS1 had been upset by a teacher at school, and was so embarrassed he hadn't got the bus home, and was going to try to walk to his dads palce of work (only 1.5mile, but DS's dont really know the town where the school is very well, and certainly would not be sure of the walking route to that workplace) I tried to ring DS1, only to find his phone was out of power, so immediatly left work and drove to the school, only to find DS2 had got the late bus home instead (couldnt find dads, so went back and caught it, thank god)
It turns out that the beloved teacher had seen him fiddling under the desk (his pen had broken, he was trying to put it back together), and said "DS1, there is only one reason for your hand to be under your desk, and you having a big smile on your face, you are obviously playing with your willy!" and the whole class laughed at himSad My DS gets teased quite a lot as he has a few minor physical disability issues anyway, and found this totally humiliating, so burst into tears, and the TA took him out of nclass and sat with him outside to calm him down. Teacher then came out and said "Sorry, I shouldnt have said that, but lets not make an issue of it, shall we?" all DS wanted to know was why she had done this to him, which she wouldn't (or could'nt!) answer. The bell went for end of school, and all kids came out of class, still talking about incident and laughing, adn at that point DS had made the decision not to get on the bus.
When I got home and heard this, I tried to ring school, but only got answering machine, then at 6pm, I had a phone call from the school Deputy Head Teacher, apparently the TA had gone to him and reported the incident, along with another teacher who had heard this woman talking to DS in the corridor, and DHT, was investigating, and wanted to know if an apology was enough, or did we want more, as apparently this teacher was already under warning for "inappropriate behaviour"!
DS is very upset still, he is worried that the teasing will get worse, and everybody will say he was playing with himself in class, but doesnt want teacher to get sacked, what do I say I want to happen, as, personally I want her hung out to dry for hurting my sons feelings so much, but also want to repect sons wishes?? Thanks for reading this, any opinions welcome (puts on hard hat!)

OP posts:
badtime · 08/10/2012 15:16

What a cunt.

You should be able to go to your teacher if you are being bullied; the teacher should not be the bully!

She knew what she was doing - she was being edgy to get the kids to think she was cool, and then she thought she could make it all better with an apology and a bit of emotional blackmail. 'Not making an issue of it' is pretty close to the whole 'can't you take a joke?' crap that bullied kids always get, where the bully acts like a normal reaction is unreasonable.

I think someone like that, who belittles people to increase her own popularity, may be in the wrong profession.

AnAirOfHalloween · 08/10/2012 15:27

This is horrible. High school is hard enough as it is without the teachers making it worse.

I would push for her to be sacked because if she cant control her actions then it could get worse for another child but mainly because she has made it harder for your son to get a good education.

Its not on for a teacher to bully a child and that is what she did with the "lets not make a big deal out of this" Your son is too young and not in the position to talk with her like an equal and give a reasonable come back so its up to you to standup for him.

Im sure if the other parents know what happened they wouldnt want her teaching their children as well.

Wordsmith · 08/10/2012 15:34

The only way your poor DS is going to get any closure on this is if his teacher is publicly humiliated as he has been, by someone in a position of authority to her (ie the HT). And his classmates need to know about it.

fuzzpig · 08/10/2012 15:36

That's awful :( so sorry for your DS. The "let's not make an issue out of this" is disgusting. Talk about covering your tracks Angry

Cracker, what an awful story :( bastard teacher.

LFCisTarkaDahl · 08/10/2012 15:54

Terrible thing to say.

Can sort of understand her doing it if she taught sixth form and her forgetting herself.

They've had to remove 3 boys from lessons for masturbating and harassing the girls this year so far in school - it's a new craze Hmm

GhouliaYelps · 08/10/2012 16:06

LFC really? Shock Sad

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/10/2012 16:44

LFC - that is shocking - as is the OP. I agree that the teacher should make a public apology to the OP's son in front of the class and the Headteacher; and should then have a written warning put on her file - preferably a final one.

HecateLarpo · 08/10/2012 16:55

you have to 'make an issue' of it.

She's already on a warning for inappropriate behaviour? I think the school need you to make an issue out of it so they can sack her! Why else would they tell you that?

This isn't someone who made a stupid remark. this is someone who has already done something else inappropriate and is on a warning for it and STILL does it.

What's she going to say next? Who's going to be the next child totally humiliated?

The fact that she, frankly, crapped herself with the whole "let's not make an issue out of it" thing means she knows she's in the shit. and rightly so.

edam · 08/10/2012 17:01

Furious - am very impressed by your ds's classmates, they sound like a good bunch of kids. And the TA who did exactly the right thing in reporting the teacher.

What the teacher said was extraordinarily shit on so many different levels. Good grief.

OneMoreChap · 08/10/2012 17:02

Teacher should really?

Be warned for behaviour in front of class, and then apologise.
As a minimum.

Really, needs to have permission to teach reviewed.

bigTillyMint · 08/10/2012 17:03

I am horrified. What on earth posessed her to say such a thing to a poor little Y7.

I agree, she needs to make a public apology at the very least. And a written warning.

bigTillyMint · 08/10/2012 17:03

How is your DS?

SoleSource · 08/10/2012 17:03

Utterly outrageous, the pervert!

Will your DS go to school tomorrow?

DizzyHoneyBee · 08/10/2012 17:06

It's appalling. There is absolutely no way at all that a teacher should say that to a pupil. I'm with Happyasa...on this one.

ginnybag · 08/10/2012 17:10

That's horrible, and way out of line.

To a well-known lad, in a well-known Yr 13, maybe... [doubtful!emoticon]

But to Yr7 lad 5 weeks into him being at the school, when he may already be having issues with being 'different'...?

Simply unacceptable.

Don't back down here, please, OP. She was wrong, she knew it, and she wanted your son to cover for her. It's good that his peers are rallying, but it could so easily have gone the other way and been 5 years of 'that's the one who w**ked over MissA!'

TheProvincialLady · 08/10/2012 17:17

I am quite concerned that the school have asked you whether it should be taken further. They have a clear case of sexually toned pupil bullying before them. It ought to be extremely obvious to them that discipline procedures need to be instigated. It shouldn't be your decision. It is a child protection matter.

Original poster
FuriousP · 08/10/2012 17:28

Well. I am even more furious than I was before!!!!!!
School have rung - She is claiming she said "DC, what is that you are fiddling with under the table" and another child said "its his willy, miss!",and he had mis-heard! Also, that she thought it was a moble phone, and he was texting someone,and wanted to stop that, in which case, all she had to do was to get him to stand up and purt whatever he was messing with on the desk! The TA has now also said "She said something about fiddling about under the table, and willy was mentioned!" My son is adament about what she said, and so are a'even be asked his version of events yet!! Apparently, they are most concerned with the fact that he was taken out of class and the teacher asking him to not have it go any further than the actual words used! I believe my son, and if they think they can sweep this under the table, they have another think coming! We were not the ones who reported this issue, it was a member of their own staff, but I will take it further if I must, and go to the LEA if they say he was lying.

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 08/10/2012 17:30

Definitely take it further - she/the school should at least be honest and take it on the chin.

What message is this giving to the children?

Original poster
FuriousP · 08/10/2012 17:30

sorry, so mad I didnt read it through- he is adament about what she said, and so are other pupils in the class, but they havent asked any of them their version of events yet

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 08/10/2012 17:33

Oh bollocks did he mishear it. There couldn't be THAT big a misunderstanding - what about the stuff about smiling etc.

And even if another child had first suggested the willy thing (which on its own is plausible of course) she should've put a stop to it. And surely she wouldn't have then pressured your poor DS into forgetting about it Angry

TheProvincialLady · 08/10/2012 17:34

What utter bollocks. If the teacher said nothing untoward, why would she need to try and get him to keep quiet about it? Why would the TA report the incident? There is a whitewash going on here.

fuzzpig · 08/10/2012 17:34

I hope they aren't leaving it a long time so that they can then say the classmates have forgotten exactly what was said :(

GhostofMammaTJ · 08/10/2012 17:37

Not read any of the replies but imo, your DS is still of an age where YOU make the decisions and protect him. It is what you feel is best that matters. I agree the teacher should be in as much trouble as the HT is prepared to give them for this. Totally inappropriate. It may well escalate the bullying and that on it's own is enough to infuriate me.

diddl · 08/10/2012 17:44

Disgusting!

Well then I´d go after her for trying to coerce him to keep quiet.

As for the one who mentioned willy-were they not told off?

Original poster
FuriousP · 08/10/2012 17:46

I think they are waiting long enough to say the kids all got together and colluded on the answer, and now they wont believe any of them, let alone my son, who is piggy in the middle as he liked and respected this bitch

OP posts: