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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want his teacher do more than just apologise?

254 replies

FuriousP · 08/10/2012 12:07

Sorry long post.I have namechanged for obvious reasons!
My son is a new Yr7 at High School, he has been loving classes, and especially those with a certain teacher, he has come home raving about how good her lessons are etc.
Last Friday, I had a very worrying call from his brother (DS2) to say DS1 had been upset by a teacher at school, and was so embarrassed he hadn't got the bus home, and was going to try to walk to his dads palce of work (only 1.5mile, but DS's dont really know the town where the school is very well, and certainly would not be sure of the walking route to that workplace) I tried to ring DS1, only to find his phone was out of power, so immediatly left work and drove to the school, only to find DS2 had got the late bus home instead (couldnt find dads, so went back and caught it, thank god)
It turns out that the beloved teacher had seen him fiddling under the desk (his pen had broken, he was trying to put it back together), and said "DS1, there is only one reason for your hand to be under your desk, and you having a big smile on your face, you are obviously playing with your willy!" and the whole class laughed at himSad My DS gets teased quite a lot as he has a few minor physical disability issues anyway, and found this totally humiliating, so burst into tears, and the TA took him out of nclass and sat with him outside to calm him down. Teacher then came out and said "Sorry, I shouldnt have said that, but lets not make an issue of it, shall we?" all DS wanted to know was why she had done this to him, which she wouldn't (or could'nt!) answer. The bell went for end of school, and all kids came out of class, still talking about incident and laughing, adn at that point DS had made the decision not to get on the bus.
When I got home and heard this, I tried to ring school, but only got answering machine, then at 6pm, I had a phone call from the school Deputy Head Teacher, apparently the TA had gone to him and reported the incident, along with another teacher who had heard this woman talking to DS in the corridor, and DHT, was investigating, and wanted to know if an apology was enough, or did we want more, as apparently this teacher was already under warning for "inappropriate behaviour"!
DS is very upset still, he is worried that the teasing will get worse, and everybody will say he was playing with himself in class, but doesnt want teacher to get sacked, what do I say I want to happen, as, personally I want her hung out to dry for hurting my sons feelings so much, but also want to repect sons wishes?? Thanks for reading this, any opinions welcome (puts on hard hat!)

OP posts:
CrackerJackShack · 08/10/2012 12:43

Oh your poor DS!!! I'm at the office trying not to tear up. Sad

A very similar thing happened to me when I was around 12. Was on a bus on our way to field trip and was sitting in the back seat chatting to friends. As everyone who's ever been on a bus knows, the back seat can be bumpy. Well I was leaning over the seat talking and this absolute ASSHOLE of a teacher looked back and said "Why are you bouncing up and down so much Cracker? Are you fingering yourself." I was mortified.

Sadly for me, at that age, and already not being the most popular girl in school I was called "joyride" for the rest of school. Sad Try explaining that one to your parents.

I never said anything about this teacher, but I wish I had, and I wish my parents had gotten his ass fired. So OP. GET THE BITCH FIRED.

Whistlingwaves · 08/10/2012 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuriousP · 08/10/2012 12:48

Thanks again for replys - apparently this is the first year she has taught Yr7, she was teaching 6th form before, which could explain why she thought it was ok to say something like this, it would probebly be laughed off by a 16yr old! I just hope DS is ok today, I have said to ring if he isnt, but I know the DHT waould be talking to him, and have warned him that this would be happening. I have already sais "you did not get her into trouble, she got herself into trouble by saying it in the first place, and it was reported by the TA, who also thought it was wrong"

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 08/10/2012 12:52

Good on him for going in today Furious. i am not sure that all children in his position would have. As I say DS1 is 13 but I can't say for sure he would have gone back in. I am still Shock

FancyPuffin · 08/10/2012 12:52

That is utterly awful Furious please do take it further.

ithinkimightbegoingmad · 08/10/2012 12:52

i dont think it is ever ok for a teacher to mention a childs willy at all!!? no matter the age of the kids...Confused

nannyl · 08/10/2012 12:54

OMG

YANBU and the teacher doesnt sound like she should be teaching teenagers either

what an awful / inappropriate comment, your poor DS

weblette · 08/10/2012 12:55

Agree with the previous poster, inappropriate for ANY age.

TheOneWithTheHair · 08/10/2012 12:56

Ds1 is 16 and I don't think he would be ok with this and he's very confident. It's never ok.

As adults it would cause uproar in a work place if it was said by someone's boss. It is certainly not ok to say it to an 11/12 yr old boy.

KenLeeeeeee · 08/10/2012 12:57

That is outrageous! I don't blame you for wanting her head on a plate.

airedailleurs · 08/10/2012 13:01

your poor, poor DS, this actually made me cry, I think I would not be able to rest until the teacher was sacked if it were my child.

MummytoKatie · 08/10/2012 13:01

I don't have a son but I do have a daughter. She's two at the moment so it is hard for me to imagine her aged 11 but if she was nd a male teacher said something like that to her I would be concerned as to why he was thinking about a pre-pubescent child's sexuality in the first place.

I think as the mum of a girl you do tend to see paedophiles on every corner (and the whole Jimmy Saville thing isn't helping) but it is something that would cross my mind.

CelineMcBean · 08/10/2012 13:03

I can't think of any workplace situation where that comment would be appropriate but to suggest that a child is being sexual in public is just revolting.

She should publicly apologize to the child and be removed from teaching his class at the very least. Disciplinary action should be taken.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 08/10/2012 13:06

Cracker, that's fucking horrendous. Sad You poor thing.

OP, take it further and get the woman out of the teaching profession.

Enigmosaurus · 08/10/2012 13:08

Your poor ds :( I'm glad his friends have realised how completely inappropriate her words were though.

I would want her sacked, I think.

ithinkimightbegoingmad · 08/10/2012 13:10

its completely inappropriate

but what worries me equally, is the effect this will have on your ds's learning/ attitude to teachers/school....his trust has been completely broken I imagine Sad

Whistlingwaves · 08/10/2012 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ithinkimightbegoingmad · 08/10/2012 13:11

the stupid woman probably has no awareness of the possible knock-on effects of what she said?

Narked · 08/10/2012 13:12

Your poor DS Sad

Formal complaint. What she did was completely and utterly inappropriate and humiliating for your DS.

cocolepew · 08/10/2012 13:13

How awful Shock thank goodness for the TA, and good for your DSs friends. They probably imagined how they would feel.

FuriousP · 08/10/2012 13:15

I have been getting more and more stewed up over this all morning, since I looked at DS's planner, and realised he has her for a lesson again this pm, which was why I posted really, I dont want to wait until tomorrow to find out what is being done. I have just rung the school, and they said someone will ring me back, I hope she has at least been suspended whilst under investigation.

OP posts:
Narked · 08/10/2012 13:15

'probably has no awareness of the possible knock-on effects of what she said'

Then she shouldn't be teaching.

I also wonder about someone who was teaching older ones suddenly being given Yr 7.

diddl · 08/10/2012 13:18

Good grief-I think that she should be sacked tbh.

It´s so far from appropriate-to suggest to a class that a young boy is wanking.

She sounds like a foul mouthed bully.

Nancy66 · 08/10/2012 13:22

An apology in front of the whole class is the last thing this poor kid needs - it just raises the issue again and will lead to more teasing.

BonVoyageCharlieBrown · 08/10/2012 13:24

There were some teachers at my school that were bullies. It has stayed with me throughout my life.

What she said to your son is horrendous and should not be teaching.

If anyone said anything like this to my child, I would want them fired!

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