To want his teacher do more than just apologise?

[FuriousP]

Sorry long post.I have namechanged for obvious reasons!
My son is a new Yr7 at High School, he has been loving classes, and especially those with a certain teacher, he has come home raving about how good her lessons are etc.
Last Friday, I had a very worrying call from his brother (DS2) to say DS1 had been upset by a teacher at school, and was so embarrassed he hadn't got the bus home, and was going to try to walk to his dads palce of work (only 1.5mile, but DS's dont really know the town where the school is very well, and certainly would not be sure of the walking route to that workplace) I tried to ring DS1, only to find his phone was out of power, so immediatly left work and drove to the school, only to find DS2 had got the late bus home instead (couldnt find dads, so went back and caught it, thank god)
It turns out that the beloved teacher had seen him fiddling under the desk (his pen had broken, he was trying to put it back together), and said "DS1, there is only one reason for your hand to be under your desk, and you having a big smile on your face, you are obviously playing with your willy!" and the whole class laughed at him My DS gets teased quite a lot as he has a few minor physical disability issues anyway, and found this totally humiliating, so burst into tears, and the TA took him out of nclass and sat with him outside to calm him down. Teacher then came out and said "Sorry, I shouldnt have said that, but lets not make an issue of it, shall we?" all DS wanted to know was why she had done this to him, which she wouldn't (or could'nt!) answer. The bell went for end of school, and all kids came out of class, still talking about incident and laughing, adn at that point DS had made the decision not to get on the bus.
When I got home and heard this, I tried to ring school, but only got answering machine, then at 6pm, I had a phone call from the school Deputy Head Teacher, apparently the TA had gone to him and reported the incident, along with another teacher who had heard this woman talking to DS in the corridor, and DHT, was investigating, and wanted to know if an apology was enough, or did we want more, as apparently this teacher was already under warning for "inappropriate behaviour"!
DS is very upset still, he is worried that the teasing will get worse, and everybody will say he was playing with himself in class, but doesnt want teacher to get sacked, what do I say I want to happen, as, personally I want her hung out to dry for hurting my sons feelings so much, but also want to repect sons wishes?? Thanks for reading this, any opinions welcome (puts on hard hat!)

yep..the most powerful message to your ds and the class mates, will be if she looses her job...otherwise it is shown to be acceptable

OP, I'm so glad to hear your sons peers are so mature. He's really lucky to have friends like that.

Get rid of her. Can you imagine the reaction if a male teacher had said something similar to a female pupil? It shouldn't be any different in this case. By the reaction if the TA and other staff, it sounds like there have been other incidents of unacceptable behaviour. Your poor DS, I hope he is okay now.

I was nearly in tears for your poor DS reading the first half of the thread, OP. I'm so glad he went to the club on Friday night, and that his friends are sensitive enough to realise how mortified they would be if this had happened to them. It sounds as though your DS is safe from teasing, at least.

As for the teacher, she definately needs to give a public apology to the class, and then removed from teaching your son again, at least.The apology should include an acknowledgement that he was fixing his pen, so that your DS has that as a come back if anyone does tease him (although I think his friends will ensure that doesn't happen).

If the school have other incidents to add to her tally, then they should make the decision about whether or not she still has a place there.

They have just rung back to say "it is still being investigated, and they will ring me this evening as the DHT is teaching at the moment" I will have to wait for the outcome I suppose...

I would want that apology in the class with the HT present so that the whole class can see what a fucking twat she is and that apology to be sincere and fully explain what was actually happening and why she is in trouble for her behaviour.

I can't understand what they are investigating, she was heard by other members of staff so there is no doubt of her guilt. Surely she should be suspended during their investigations anyway.

Unacceptable comment and you are right to highlight this. Sounds like she realised this afterwards.

Put your complaint in writing to head and governors.

Ask your sons tutor and head of pastoral care to provide him with support to cope with being humiliated. Ask too for restorative justice for your son.

at the very very least there should be a supply teacher in his class this afternoon, the school cannot require your son to sit in class with a bullying and sexually inappropriate teacher teaching him at least not until this has been resolved to your and your sons satisfaction.

I am shocked! really really shocked that a teacher could say something like that, a male teacher and a female student and the bloke would be suspended and expecting a call from the police!

What seems sad to me is that your son was previously really enjoying her classes. It's horrible at any age to realise that someone you admire and respect can be so nasty, without reason, and especially when they are in a position of authority. A tough lesson to learn in year seven. Thankfully it sounds as though your son's friends are sensible and thoughtful, which will help a lot.

The 'let's not make an issue out of it' was particularly sneaky considering she was talking to a pupil, smacks of using her position to try and sweep it under the carpet. I had a teacher say similar to this at school twenty years ago and it stuck with me for a very long time.

Asolutely appalling. If I were you OP I'd ring the school back and say you really need to speak to the HT right now as you're about to ring the police and make a formal complaint so want to tell the police what's happening wrt to the school's investigation.

I imagine someone will come and talk to you pretty sharpish.

Your poor ds. :(

I would expect an apology in front of the class, with a senior member of staff there too. In addition I would expect the teacher not to be back in front of any more classes until she had been re-trained on what is/isn't appropriate behaviour in the classroom. I would also hope that another member of staff would speak to ds about the teacher's behaviour being completely unacceptable.

I think your other ds sounds like a very sensible and caring boy, letting you know what had happened and that his brother might need your help. :)

Is it not illegal to make inappropriate comments of a sexual nature to a minor? I would have thought this was a police matter.

She is in a position of trust, which she has broken. An apology just isn't enough in this situation. Her behaviour was outrageous - bullying, with sexual connotations. What on earth would make and adult woman make that connection?

It beggars belief that she has not already been suspsended, given her apparent history.

Personally, if it were me, I wouldn't give a damn if it affected her career. As previous posters have mentioned, this type of bullying from teachers can affect the rest of a person's life!

I hope your son's ok.

As the DHT is not calling back until this evening you will at least have the opportunity to speak to your DS about what happended today both with the teacher and the other kids.

That was a really nasty bullying thing to say,

There is no way a teacher would be unaware of the impact and far reaching consequences of such a public statement, she would know that your son will mercilessly teased by his classmates for quite sometime because of it.

I would insist that that teacher never comes into contact with your child again, and that she makes a full admission in front of the class with a senior member of staff there, and yourself, that she was being deliberately vindictive.

Anything less than that will not be giving your son restorative justice.

I bet if you delved into this person's other dealing with teens you will find similar stories.

coppertop Yes, I was pleased with him too, they are twins, but are usually fighting tooth and nail! It just goes to show, when the chips are down, they actually do really care about each other!
I know I sound a bit of a coward, but I may leave it until tonight, DS didn't want to make a big thing of it and get to be known all around a new school as the one who got "MissArsehole" in to trouble (even though that is not true), as I said in the opening post, he really liked her lessons, and this is the same for most of the pupils there.

I am not just leaving it though, and I expect the school to have some to a sensible agreement as to what the correct action is, and I will push for that- i am certainly going to bring up a thing being mentioned in a number of your replies tho, that if it had been a male teacher and female pupil, it would have been dealt with in a whole different manner!

Wow. So sorry about this and that it was the teacher he had identified so positively. Absolutely terrible. I have no advice other than to say your poor DS - absolutely not on.

Is it possible she knew he liked her lessons and she got a bit matey and chummy with him, at least in her own head? I'm not making excuses for her at all as it's outrageous but it might make your son better if he thought that she made a misjudged comment because she thought they were "cool" together rather than because he's an obvious target for teasing which is perhaps how he is feeling about it.

I hope nobody misinterprets this as an excuse for her. It's terrible. I'm just trying to think of ways for your son to view this in which he's not just "the butt of jokes".

I hope he is ok - he's clearly got lots of love and support around him. And little does he know it - lots of angry MNers too!

sorry,

it might make your son feel better...

I cannot believe what your OP said.

Fine for the teacher down the pub with her mates, your ds is 11!!!!!! What she said was sexually explicit, she's gone way past inappropriate.

I wouldn't want an apology, I'd want her head on a plate.