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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to punch my dd dad in the face???

186 replies

Mummyof2Girlies · 05/10/2012 21:19

hi im new to this just wanted some advice. my dd whos 4 goes to her dads every other weekend and tuesday afternoons. we spilt wen she was 14 months and has seen him regularly on these set days. im now happily engaged and have another dd 15 months. exp is a pain in the butt always poking his nose in makes sarcastic comments spoils dd1 to the point of extreme. she asks every day if her daddy is picking her up or if she is seeing her daddy today it makes me feel like shit like im not gd enuf. dd1 has just started school and he was there on 1st day helped pay for uniform etc. since she started i have told him about parents eve, gave him newsletters even though he gets the same emails we do. when he picked her up tonight he said ever so casually "oh by the way ive joined the pta, didnt u know there was a meeting one of the mums told me on tuesday and ive been elected secetary i dint really want to do it but i thought as its my daughters future education" hes organising events at school and he said oh i can take her to the disco and im organising a bake sale and xmas bingo which i can take dd1 to.
aibu to think hes trying to take my daughter away to make himself look better at school? i mean he works ft as a manager htf is he gonna have time to be a pta secetary?? he is trying to be her mother!!!! ive been fighting this role since she was born! any advice welcome sorry to drag on! xx

OP posts:
sausagesandwich34 · 05/10/2012 21:22

or maybe he just wants to be an involved parent?

YABU

sorry

SirBoobAlot · 05/10/2012 21:22

She's both of your daughters. You're totally over reacting, and sound like you're either bitter because you're not together anymore, or jealous of the fact your daughter still has a good relationship with her father.

Don't be so cruel, and, well, foolish. A lot of single mothers would love the fathers to take an interest like your ex is.

And yes, saying you'd like to punch anyone in the face is unreasonable.

Get a grip.

WorraLiberty · 05/10/2012 21:23

He sounds fantastic!

Sorry but I don't think he's trying to make himself look good at all or take her away.

He's just interested in helping out so why not?

Plenty of Mums do it so why shouldn't Dads?

Chubfuddler · 05/10/2012 21:24

Punch him in the face by all means.

Just don't be surprised when he calls the police. Or punches you back.

GotMyGoat · 05/10/2012 21:24

Erm... from your post it sounds like he's trying to be a good dad? So many children have absent fathers who don't want to know. Why do you think he should be excluded from your DD's school world?

I'm sure there's more about your past that's not coming across in your post, and if he is trying to mess you around with all this, then that's obviously not on - but otherwise why do you need to be involved or care what he's getting up to - would he be reasonable if he was angry that you had joined the pta?

RobynRidingHood · 05/10/2012 21:26

I dont know what your area is like but at out primary PA all the parents were full time working professional people. So your remark about how he will have time is really so pathetic.

Narked · 05/10/2012 21:26

Wow.

He's reliable NRP who looks after his daughter, contributes for extras like uniform and wants to be actively involved in her schooling.

Remind me what the problem is again?

imperialstateknickers · 05/10/2012 21:27

Step back and read your own post objectively.

And

Binkyridesagain · 05/10/2012 21:27

YABU
What exactly has he done wrong? From your OP he is involving himself in his daughters life, nothing wrong with that.

Chubfuddler · 05/10/2012 21:28

Indeed. Workaholic DH joined the PA last night. Everyone there works full time.

DameFannyGallopsAtaGhost · 05/10/2012 21:31

Agree with the other posters I'm not seeing what the problem is? What sort of sarcastic remarks and spoiling do you mean in your post?

SoleSource · 05/10/2012 21:32

Yabvu

IneedAgoldenNickname · 05/10/2012 21:33

Do you wanna swap him for my sons Dad? He sees them most Sundays but only for a few hours and won't contribute towards anything as he gives me maintenance which according to himis already more than I need!

Sorry but IMO yabu!

Whistlingwaves · 05/10/2012 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoMeDon · 05/10/2012 21:35

If you don't feel good enough that could be a reflection of how you feel about yourself. I would focus on you and your relationship with your DC. Let EXP get on with his relationship with his DD, FWIW he sounds like he wants to be a good father and you are taking it as a personal slight Confused

HandMini · 05/10/2012 21:36

This is a wind up, surely. Er, what has he done wrong?

(YABU).

IneedAsockamnesty · 05/10/2012 21:36

yabu.

and i think seeing nastyness where none is, he sounds like hes doing a great job

GhostofMammaTJ · 05/10/2012 21:37

Ummm. YABVU

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 05/10/2012 21:37

YABU. NRP can't bloody win, if they don't do anything they are feckless, if they take an interest they are "trying to be their mother".Hmm

He sounds like a good dad to me.

My DH was on the PTA when he had a full time job, I never have been even when I have been a SAHM.

arthurfowlersallotment · 05/10/2012 21:37

Flip this post, and imagine it was a man talking about his ex in the same way. What would you think?

He sounds like he's being a good parent, and your child is fortunate to have him.

Pickles77 · 05/10/2012 21:38

You need to remember this is about your DD- not a competition against each other.

I only wish my 3 week olds dad would take more of a interest,

allnewtaketwo · 05/10/2012 21:38

He's trying to be her mother? Because only mothers are supposed to be actively engaged in their children's lives? Hmm you sound pissed off because you've not actually got anything proper to slag him off for. DH's ex is like this-she wants to tell anyone who will listen that he's a shit dad and so gets enraged when he attends school functions etc cos it spoils her story

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 05/10/2012 21:38

From your OP you do sound unreasonable.
Is there more to this?
Do you think he is doing it JUST to be controlling? Has he form for this?

If not, he really is just being a good and involved father. I am afraid my OH who is lovely doesnt even know what bloody class our DC4 is in yet!

We have had a few words and he is pulling his finger out though.

Inneedofbrandy · 05/10/2012 21:38

Do you want to swap with either of mine please?

DameKewcumber · 05/10/2012 21:39

Let him knock himself out being secretary of the PTA - if he isn't doing it for decent reasons it will soon enough break him!

Its nothing to do with you - unless you were also applying to be PTA secretary and he deliberately got in ahead of you.