to want to punch my dd dad in the face???

[Mummyof2Girlies]

hi im new to this just wanted some advice. my dd whos 4 goes to her dads every other weekend and tuesday afternoons. we spilt wen she was 14 months and has seen him regularly on these set days. im now happily engaged and have another dd 15 months. exp is a pain in the butt always poking his nose in makes sarcastic comments spoils dd1 to the point of extreme. she asks every day if her daddy is picking her up or if she is seeing her daddy today it makes me feel like shit like im not gd enuf. dd1 has just started school and he was there on 1st day helped pay for uniform etc. since she started i have told him about parents eve, gave him newsletters even though he gets the same emails we do. when he picked her up tonight he said ever so casually "oh by the way ive joined the pta, didnt u know there was a meeting one of the mums told me on tuesday and ive been elected secetary i dint really want to do it but i thought as its my daughters future education" hes organising events at school and he said oh i can take her to the disco and im organising a bake sale and xmas bingo which i can take dd1 to.
aibu to think hes trying to take my daughter away to make himself look better at school? i mean he works ft as a manager htf is he gonna have time to be a pta secetary?? he is trying to be her mother!!!! ive been fighting this role since she was born! any advice welcome sorry to drag on! xx

[LesleyPumpshaft]

I think people are being really bitchy to OP. Personally, I wish DS's father could be more like your XP and wasn't such an alcoholic waste of space. Most of us dislike our X's though, and I would probably be thinking he was a smug git in your situation. In fact, he sounds like a bit of a smug git, probably why he is XP!

So, YAB a bit U, but I don't think you deserve to be called a spiteful silly cow either. Dealing with XP's is often emotive and you can't help the way you feel. As long as you keep it hidden from DD that's the main thing.

[PickledFanjoCat]

Your letting bitterness in.

Could you not be friendly? Also you can and will both have to go to one of these things.

Rise above pettiness, even if you think these things privately.

[PickledFanjoCat]

Even of he is annoying though a friendly approach will work better.

[Viviennemary]

He sounds a great Father. Can't see what you have to complain about. Your DD is very lucky.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I wonder why you feel not good enough? Is it just him or are you finding it a bit hard that she's now at school and your role is changing? Many of us feel a bit bereft when the DCs go to school and it's understandable you'd feel insecure.

Btw, I'd leave the PTA to him, if I were you

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I can also see that being upset and using the phrase want to punch someone is actually different from doing it

[queenofthepirates]

It may be annoying but you don't know how good you have it.
My DD's father hasn't even managed to see her, ever-she's 18mo. I have a mountain to climb to explain why. No financial involvement, no calls, no visits, nada.

Try and distance yourself and work on your response to him rather than resenting his involvement.

[allnewtaketwo]

Yet if a man had come on here wanting to punch his ex wife in the face in sure you wouldn't have said that

[ilovesooty]

he is trying to be her mother!!!!

Is he not allowed to be a caring and involved parent because he's a man?

I think you sound as though you have a bit of growing up to do.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Possibly not, but I'm talking to the op and trying to respond to her

[allnewtaketwo]

Hmm I just don't see his a woman talking about wanting to physically assault a man is any more acceptable than the other way round

[Narked]

I suspect the OP is trying to shit stir.

[Fakebook]

Do you think he's stealing your thunder? Do you feel pushed out and unwanted? That's how it looks like to me, because in all honesty, it doesn't sound like he's done anything wrong!

[LesleyPumpshaft]

Haven't most of us wanted to punch our DC's father in the face at some point? Seriously, I know I have. I do think you are lucky to have an XP who contributes in terms of time and money, but he's probably not your favourite person either.

[LesleyPumpshaft]

By punching or DC's dad in the face, I mean estranged partners obviously.

[noelstudios]

Dare I say it, perhaps more NM than MN?

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Report if you think so

[allnewtaketwo]

DH's ex clearly wants to punch him in the face most of the time (like she did when they were married). There is a similarity here-she can't bear it that DH is clearly a good dad. It makes her angry. The OP sounds angry. If the OP was a man, she would be labelled abusive and controlling.

[allnewtaketwo]

Lesley, how acceptable would you find it if men were on here talking about 'don't we all want to punch our ex wives in the face sometimes'

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Maybe allnew

I prefer to listen first and you won't get a reasonable discussion going if you don't do that

[allnewtaketwo]

What do you mean listen to the OP? You mean wait to hear her legitimate reason for wanting to assault someone?

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Sorry that was a bit sanctimonious. I just can see this going pear shaped and maybe there's a chance for it not to. Of course I winced at the title

[GoldenSeptember]

This is a joke, right?

[DoMeDon]

I have been incensed, enraged, volcanically angry - the kind of angry people would associate with 'punch someone in the face' angry. It is not U to feel that way. It is a feeling.

[LesleyPumpshaft]

allnewtaketwo. Men just can't use that sort of language because they already hold a position of privilege and far more domestic violence is committed by men.

I think the OP is just upset, emotional and needs a sounding board, not people ripping her to shreds over semantics. Maybe saying that she feels like punching someone in the face isn't very nice, but some of the replies to her are worse tbh.