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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should this teacher have ignored my upset child?

109 replies

rockpaperscissors · 05/10/2012 11:54

My DD told me that she got into trouble yesterday at school for not doing a part of her homework. Not her fault but mine (we had a very busy evening). Teacher tells her to get on with another task but DD went on with her reading. Teacher gives her into trouble and she started to cry. Teacher leaves her crying and another child went and got her a tissue. Teacher carried on taking another group of kids for reading and didn't go back to her.

When I asked her about it this morning she went a bit defensive and not in the least bit concerned that DD was upset. This really got my back up, thought her attitude was pretty bad. Told her that I didn't want DD upset like that again in the class.
I wouldn't mind but there are only 15 kids in that class and she has help from a pupil support worker. Far better conditions than a lot of teachers have I'm sure. Spoke to another mum who said she shouted at her child when he forgot to bring his homework in one day. These kids are 6 years old!

Should I approach the head??

OP posts:
Iactuallydothinkso · 05/10/2012 12:00

No I don't think you should talk to the head. I think you should make sure there is time after school to do the small amount of homework a 6 year old child gets. I also think the teacher has behaved ok. It's not ok not to do homework and there must be a consequence for it.

Probably not what you wanted to hear though.

gordyslovesheep · 05/10/2012 12:01

6 is old enough to remember to do homework and old enough to be told off if they don't - maybe the teacher is immune to waterworks

sookiesookie · 05/10/2012 12:03

I think you have a responsibility to help dd do her homework and if something unavoidable has come up and its not done, you should have spoken to the teacher.
I also think you should teach your dd to do as the teach askes and not just carry on doing what she wants.

I also suspect that this wasn't upset crying more of a tantrum. Possibly it has happened more than once.

purplehouse · 05/10/2012 12:04

I think you should have made sure the homework was done. If busy evening, get up 15 mins earlier and do before school. You have to work with the teacher.

QuintessentialShadows · 05/10/2012 12:04

No, you need to start taking school seriously, as your lack of respect for the school and the work the teacher set is obviously rubbing off on your daughter.

You need to ensure homework is done, and that your dd does as the teacher says. This was solely down to you and her. You clearly decide whether or not your child does homework, and your daughter thinks she decides what to do in class, and neither of you appear to respect the teacher.

Thewidewideworld · 05/10/2012 12:05

So your DD did two things that required telling off for.
She didn't do her homework.
She ignored an instruction from the teacher to work but carried on reading instead.
When reprimanded she cried.
What do you think should have happened OP? You didn't want her upset like that in class? Well then you should be telling your DD that she need to do what the teacher tells her.

Fishwife1949 · 05/10/2012 12:05

At 11 she should be able to get her homework done

Also in year seven the wont be so kind it will be a detention stright away

hopenglory · 05/10/2012 12:06

so not only did your child not do her homework (doesn't matter whether that was your fault or not), but when she was instructed to go and do it she chose to ignore the teacher and carry on doing just what she wanted. She was quite rightly reprimanded and then cried. What would you have wanted the teacher to do at that point?

Nanny0gg · 05/10/2012 12:06

Teacher tells her to get on with another task but DD went on with her reading

Really?

And you expected the teacher to be nice?

maybe you need to make time for homework, write the teacher a note if it's really not possible to do it - but I'm surprised you don't get more than one night to do it and tell your DD to do what she's told when she's told. Or a telling-off will be the least of her worries.

DameFanny · 05/10/2012 12:08

What quint said. And she was told off for ignoring the teacher's instructions to do another task. If she doesn't pay attention now you need to work with her before this gets to be a habit, or she won't benefit from her schooling

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 05/10/2012 12:08

But she didn't get in trouble for not doing her homework. She got in trouble for ignoring an instruction from her teacher and carrying on doing something other than what she was told to do.

YABU

TroublesomeEx · 05/10/2012 12:08

You need to ensure that DD does her homework.

What do you suggest should have happened to those other children who should have been reading whilst the teacher was comforting your child? How do you think those other 6 year old children would have reacted? What do you think their parents would say upon hearing what had happened?

Teachers respond well to genuinely upset children, less well to waterworks when they have a group/class of children to get on with teaching.

I wouldn't expect my child's teacher to leave a reading group unattended whilst she tended to my crying child if my child was crying because she was upset that her homework hadn't been done because I hadn't done it with her.

I'd apologise to my daughter and try and make sure it didn't happen again.

Questions like this really make me realise that most parents have not got a clue what the inside of a classroom actually looks like at various points of the school day!

Skivvytomany · 05/10/2012 12:09

Your child wasn't hurt or in pain, she ignored the teacher when asked to do something. The teacher has a whole class to consider. So no she wasn't being unreasonable to ignore a child who was crying cos she didn't get her own way.

TroublesomeEx · 05/10/2012 12:09

Actually I think you should approach the Head.

It'll give everyone something new to roll their eyes at.

Original poster
rockpaperscissors · 05/10/2012 12:09

Some of these comments are unbelievable. We only forgot to do a small part of the homework not all of it.! We do homework together every evening and I take it very seriously. I have never had a problem with any teacher either but I take exception to her ignoring a crying child.

OP posts:
Skivvytomany · 05/10/2012 12:10

Folk girl you wrote what I was trying to say in a much better way.

ClippedPhoenix · 05/10/2012 12:10

Gosh rather harsh replies here. Mind you OP why did your daughter carry on reading when she was told not to?

PiedWagtail · 05/10/2012 12:10

How many evenings does your dd have to do her homework?

PinkFairyDust · 05/10/2012 12:10

So when you tell your child off and she cries you suddenly give her a cuddle?

She ignored the teacher ND got told Off, not a big deal, 6 year I'd cry lots n first term, tired, everything new, more homework etc

You should teach your child to be respectful to her teacher

Skivvytomany · 05/10/2012 12:10

Did you explain to the teacher or send a note about the homework in the morning?

QuintessentialShadows · 05/10/2012 12:11

Your child was crying because she did not get her own way - ie tantrumming.

She had not fallen and grazed her knee!

I cant believe you expect the teacher to comfort a child who is upset because she cant do as she damn well pleases in class!

missymoomoomee · 05/10/2012 12:11

Tbh I think you were in the wrong, there isn't a lot of homework at that age, even if you can't manage it in the evening then you could have got up 10 minutes earlier to finish it. I don't think the teacher was wrong for telling her off for not doing as she was told in class, and I don't think she was wrong to not pander to her tears after the telling off either.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 05/10/2012 12:12

Well you must already know your dd was in the wrong for ignoring the teachers instructions. What would you have preferred, that the teacher let her do what ever she wanted?

By all means, go in and see the head. The head will say the same thing.

QuintessentialShadows · 05/10/2012 12:12

The head will think op is a nutjob!

PandaNot · 05/10/2012 12:12

Your child was upset because she got into trouble for not doing what she as supposed to do. She needs to learn that she has to follow the teacher's directions and that turning on the waterworks won't help.