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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should this teacher have ignored my upset child?

109 replies

rockpaperscissors · 05/10/2012 11:54

My DD told me that she got into trouble yesterday at school for not doing a part of her homework. Not her fault but mine (we had a very busy evening). Teacher tells her to get on with another task but DD went on with her reading. Teacher gives her into trouble and she started to cry. Teacher leaves her crying and another child went and got her a tissue. Teacher carried on taking another group of kids for reading and didn't go back to her.

When I asked her about it this morning she went a bit defensive and not in the least bit concerned that DD was upset. This really got my back up, thought her attitude was pretty bad. Told her that I didn't want DD upset like that again in the class.
I wouldn't mind but there are only 15 kids in that class and she has help from a pupil support worker. Far better conditions than a lot of teachers have I'm sure. Spoke to another mum who said she shouted at her child when he forgot to bring his homework in one day. These kids are 6 years old!

Should I approach the head??

OP posts:
24joy · 05/10/2012 12:45

God the child is only 6!!! And she only missed part of her homework ffs. You all make it sound like she was 15 and missed some of her GCSE coursework.

Also she 'carried on with her reading' is hardly the same as 'she then started hitting billy'.

Some of these responses are mean to say the least.

diddl · 05/10/2012 12:45

My son was told off at school once (rightly).

He had some tears.

Not due to the telling off-but because of what I would say when I found out!

I didn´t tell him off again-just told him to make sure he behaved/did as he was told in future.

I´m astounded that a 6yr old ignored a teacher-no wonder she was told off!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/10/2012 12:46

There are two separate and distinct issues here. Firstly, the homework - rockpaperscissors doesn't say what it was that got in the way of doing the homework, but in fairness, life sometimes does get in the way, and at 6 years old, missing one piece of homework isn't going to have a huge impact - different if the OP makes a habit of it, or if she lets her dd think she doesn't have to do her homework.

But, if you don't do your homework, you do get into a bit of trouble.

Secondly, rockpaperscissors' dd disobeyed a direct instruction from her teacher, and got into trouble for it - that is perfectly reasonable behaviour on the part of the teacher - she cannot fail to discipline her pupils for disobeying her instructions, just because they might cry, otherwise her class would be utter chaos and the OP's child would learn nothing - not an outcome the OP would want, I am sure.

When the OP's dd cried, for getting the telling off she had earned by her disobedience, she cried, and the teacher ignored her. Again, I think the teacher was in the right - if a child cries because of a punishment/telling off, and you comfort them, that sends out a very mixed message to the child. If rockpaperscissors' dd had done as she had told, she wouldn't have been told off and wouldn't have cried. Hopefully she has learned a lesson from this, and will do what she is told in class in the future.

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 05/10/2012 12:46

And I think personal insults are far ruder than mentioning a previous thread.

Lueji · 05/10/2012 12:47

Definitely, Sammy!

TroublesomeEx · 05/10/2012 12:49

I don't really think they're saying these things about me, personally, but on here awful things are said about perfectly reasonable teachers acting in perfectly reasonable and understandable ways.

I am perfectly reasonable and I do act in perfectly reasonable ways. But that doesn't seem to stop a few of the parents on here complaining.

I'm sure there's someone somewhere who has said a not-nice thing about me. I bet the ones whose pfb's have missed out on a treat because they failed to follow the school rules have said all sorts of horrible things about me!

I don't think I've ever been rude and dismissive to anyone. But that doesn't mean a parents somewhere wouldn't disagree.

Some parents have very high expectations of the school and none of themselves or their children.

Not all.

But some.

That doesn't really make any sense does it?!

My point is that it doesn't matter how hard you try, there will always be some parents who would rather complain and think the worst of you than accept a bit of responsibility or encourage their child to do so.

It's just the way teacher's are regarded in general that gets me down. tbh. And not just on here.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 05/10/2012 12:52

sammy you insulted me personally...just in a more snide fashion. Don't pretend.

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 05/10/2012 12:53

It's not just teachers though FolkGirl. I was a Brownie leader for 25 years but gave that up because of the staggering sense of entitlement some parents had. Of course there were always fantastic parents who appreciated everything but there comes a point where that is outweighed by the complainers and moaners.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/10/2012 12:53

Not in this house, FolkGirl - I have always backed the school up and made sure I had both sides of a story before raising it politely with the school when neccessary. Rest assured, there are plenty of us out here who value what teachers are doing for our children. SmileThanks

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 05/10/2012 12:53

Luejii the sock puppet accusation just amused me. Sammi didn't defend me. She brought up another thread of mine which was contentious.

givemeaclue · 05/10/2012 12:54

Oh is this same op that ya, complaining to head that teaching assistant didn't smile at her?

Desperate to find something to complain to head about -why???;?

BalloonSlayer · 05/10/2012 12:55

Haven't read the last 10 or so posts but moved to stick my oar in.

OP, if I were you and inclined to talk to the head my approach would be that, given the children are 6, a lot of parental supervision is required for homework. Therefore, if a child hasn't done their homework, it's probably not their actual fault, it's more likely because the parents didn't have time that evening. Telling of a 6 year old for not doing their homework is IME unfair.

And to defend the OP, yes her DD cried because she was told off for not doing as the teacher said, but I'd say it's likely she was already wobbling because of being told off about the homework. . . y'know, one telling off you can cope with but two consecutive ones feels like a disaster.

And as in my view the homework telling off wasn't fair, I do have some sympathy with the OP's DD.

Oh and if you read the OP, it was a "part of her homework" not the whole homework. Have none of you virtuous get-up-early brigade never failed to notice part of your DC's homework? Hmm

I didn't even think homework was compulsory in primary schools anyway.

Lueji · 05/10/2012 12:55

I'm sure teachers also complain about how some children are raised.

I can just about imagine the conversation in the teacher's room after the OP's chat with the teacher. :o

And then we get these entitled not so little precious offspring at post graduate level.

Btw, I wouldn't bother telling off a GCSE student. If they are considered responsible, it's their problem if they get low grades in the end.

It's the 6 year olds that have to be told off.
Or the parents, which would be fun. :o

TroublesomeEx · 05/10/2012 12:56

Sammy Yeah, I can imagine. I gave my daughter's Rainbow leader and genuine and heartfelt thanks for her hardwork and effort over the past term and told her how much DD was enjoying it. She seemed genuinely surprised.

Thanks SDTG I know that's the case. It's just that the sense of injustice that arises from some of the other sentiments that are expressed is just a bit soul destroying. Thanks much appreciated. My first! Wink

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/10/2012 12:57

Ds3 (aged 15), completed his maths homework in the dentist's waiting room this morning. I never have any claim to the moral high ground. Blush

Lueji · 05/10/2012 12:57

Balloon, he didn't have to disobey the teacher...

ilovesprouts · 05/10/2012 12:58

gosh harsh replys on her today Hmm.

Mumsyblouse · 05/10/2012 12:59

To me, this is a complete illustration of why sending 6 years old into formal learning, as if they are 10, or 15 is wrong. Doing nightly homework is ridiculous aged 6, they have 7 hours a day in a very cooped up environment, doing far too much sitting on the carpet and far too little art/music/humanities/creative play. Then they get home, and instead of relaxing aged 6 with their family, building bonds, having cuddles, playing with siblings and learning different life skills, they have to sit and do homework. Furthermore, parents and children who are working, busy, have other activities on (ballet, music, Brownies) can't do the homework, let alone parents who just don't give a shit, or who can't help (my dd aged 6 gets homework which she can't read herself, so an adult has to read it aloud to her, so she is not able to self-complete).

Mine do 20 min to an hour A WEEK. We read and practice spelling daily for 20 min If it goes over that, I write a note explaning we did not have time to do more than this.

Prioritising silly homework aged 6 over family life is ludicrous, and if you only get one night to do it, I would mention this to the class teacher and then the head.

All of this depends on parents being able and willing to supervise homework, children cannot control this aged six and so I think your daughter was rightly upset about something that was not really in her control.

The crying after being told off is no big deal, except again, what type of learning environment is this? Mine don't cry when mildly disciplined by the teacher and I wouldn't expect more than a small reprimand or a 'come and sit over here, you need to do as I say'. Everything else is heavy handed, and more likely based on the teacher worrying about SATS results at the end of that year than the children loving learning.

I just don't get it, there's no need for it, other countries don't do it, and children in the UK are not better educated or more literate aged 16 for all this homework.

OneMoreChap · 05/10/2012 12:59

rockpaperscissors Fri 05-Oct-12 12:16:33
I will be unsubscribing from mumsnet as you are all very quick to jump to the conclusiobn that I am a mother who doesn't give a shit about my childs schooling. Thanks for that.

She was, FWIW.

SoupDragon · 05/10/2012 13:01

Let me get this straight... the OPs DD cried when told off for ignoring the teacher and the OP has flounced off because she didn't like what she heard...?

BalloonSlayer · 05/10/2012 13:01

Lueji yes I know. But what I am saying is that although that telling off might well have been merited, I didn't think that the one before was, and the two together could have made the DD cry.

I still wouldn't go to the head though, except maybe about the homework. But that would be at a later date when the dust has settled. I always think it's a good idea to widely space barneys with teachers.

Lueji · 05/10/2012 13:03

I don't think it's sock puppetry sookie, but it is coming from a poster who I recall recently wanted to complain to the headteacher because a TA didn't smile her. I'm so glad I got out of teaching.

This is offensive?
Sensitive much?

And then you lost any high ground you could possibly have.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 05/10/2012 13:04

givemeaclue NO...NOT the same OP. Keep up.

And people on here are stupdly righteous....this is a 6 year old...they aren't robots and they can be sensitive.

sugarice · 05/10/2012 13:05

Well OP if you are still reading these posts:

I hope you're aware now that you've made yourself one of 'those' Parents that the teachers will think 'oh crap, here comes Mrs RPS, what's her moan today'.

You've done yourself no favours telling the Teacher you don't want your child upset like that again, why what will you do if dd says something similar again?

Yes you were unreasonable in your attitude dealing with the Teacher.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 05/10/2012 13:05

Lueji waffle on...you're not even making sense now! It IS considered bad form to bring up a posters past threads on another.

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