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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should this teacher have ignored my upset child?

109 replies

rockpaperscissors · 05/10/2012 11:54

My DD told me that she got into trouble yesterday at school for not doing a part of her homework. Not her fault but mine (we had a very busy evening). Teacher tells her to get on with another task but DD went on with her reading. Teacher gives her into trouble and she started to cry. Teacher leaves her crying and another child went and got her a tissue. Teacher carried on taking another group of kids for reading and didn't go back to her.

When I asked her about it this morning she went a bit defensive and not in the least bit concerned that DD was upset. This really got my back up, thought her attitude was pretty bad. Told her that I didn't want DD upset like that again in the class.
I wouldn't mind but there are only 15 kids in that class and she has help from a pupil support worker. Far better conditions than a lot of teachers have I'm sure. Spoke to another mum who said she shouted at her child when he forgot to bring his homework in one day. These kids are 6 years old!

Should I approach the head??

OP posts:

Thewidewideworld · 05/10/2012 12:13

RPS - your child was crying because she was upset at being corrected for her bad behaviour. The correct response was to ignore her. I do the same to my own children at home. I certainly would in a classroom where my attention needs to be focused on the needs of all the children.

sookiesookie · 05/10/2012 12:13

some of these comments are unbelievable

Maybe you should take them on board. 15 kids or not teachers time is not best spent fawning over a child who is crying because they were, quite rightly, told off. There are other children who are there to learn and have are as important as your pfb.

The fact that you think you are being reasonable and the comments here are shocking suggests you perhaps need to rethink a few things

TantrumsAndBalloons · 05/10/2012 12:14

Your dd was not crying over the homework. She was crying because she ignored the teachers instructions and got in trouble.

WorraLiberty · 05/10/2012 12:14

Your child was crying because she was rightly told off.

Crying is what they do when told off.

Sorry but I think you're being totally PFB if you think the teacher should have paid her any more mind, when she has the rest of the class to teach.

Crying may get your DD off the hook at home, but she needs to realise it won't in the real world.

singinggirl · 05/10/2012 12:16

Sounds like the homework wasn't really the issue - she was told off after not following the teachers' instructions in class. That is reasonable, if every child ignored what the teacher asked them to do thhere would be chaos. And why should other children be deprived of the teachers attention because your DD was upset after being told off for that?

Original poster

rockpaperscissors · 05/10/2012 12:16

Thanks for the support (Not).
This teacher has an easy time of it compared to others with only 15 kids in her class. My child has never given her or any other teacher any trouble and on just one occasion this is the reaction I get!

I will be unsubscribing from mumsnet as you are all very quick to jump to the conclusiobn that I am a mother who doesn't give a shit about my childs schooling. Thanks for that.

OP posts:

TroublesomeEx · 05/10/2012 12:16

I'll tell you what then OP, go and complain to the Head and then come back and tells us if their response is any different.

Because it won't be.

Lueji · 05/10/2012 12:17

Told her that I didn't want DD upset like that again in the class.

God, if I was that teacher you OP would have been different!

What did she say to this?

I would have told DD next time to do what the teacher told her to do.
When evenings are busy or DS forgets, we have been known to wake up earlier to finish homework.

squeakytoy · 05/10/2012 12:17

YABU to want to moan about the teacher, your daughter was not doing as she was told, and got told off..

However I do think homework for primary school children is unfair really.. but I suppose thats another argument.

WorraLiberty · 05/10/2012 12:18

This is support OP whether you like it or not.

Most people here are trying to stop you from embarrassing yourself and possibly your child, by going to the Head with this.

It doesn't matter if she was the only child in the class, the teacher was right not to cave in to the tears.

She wouldn't do your DD any favours if she did.

Sorry if you think that's harsh.

sookiesookie · 05/10/2012 12:18

When I asked her about it this morning she went a bit defensive really I can't imagine why?

I think it must be quite frustrating having parents moan at you for not pandering to their pfbs and having ago.

squeakytoy · 05/10/2012 12:18

Calm down OP.. I can see where your daughter might get her foot stamping attitude from..

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 05/10/2012 12:19

Ahh, one of those threads.

AIBU
Yes YABU (Unanimously)
No I'm not
Yes YABU
No I'm not

Lueji · 05/10/2012 12:19

You do know you posted in IABU, don't you?

TroublesomeEx · 05/10/2012 12:19

No one thinks you are a parent who doesn't give a shit about your child's schooling.

I do think your expectations on this occasion are unrealistic and your complaint is unreasonable.

The teacher told your child to do something, she ignored the instruction and your child got into trouble. Your child cried.

It's fairly standard fodder.

But nothing for you to complain about. It's just how it is. Hopefully next time your daughter won't ignore the teacher's instruction and then it won't happen again.

You still haven't said how you envisaged the situation would have panned out if the teacher had left the reading group to mollycoddle your daughter.

Because, as a primary teacher, I can tell you. If you're interested.

sparkle12mar08 · 05/10/2012 12:20

*rockpaperscissors Fri 05-Oct-12 12:16:33

I will be unsubscribing from mumsnet*

Don't let the door hit your arse on the way out then!

TantrumsAndBalloons · 05/10/2012 12:21

If you ask a question you have to be prepared to listen to the answers.
No one is just going to just blindly agree to make you feel better.

If you don't see a problem with your dd ignoring the teacher, then you aren't going to accept anyone else's point of view.

But it is a problem, irelevant of how many DCs are in the class.

DawnOfTheDee · 05/10/2012 12:22

You seem to be ignoring the bit where your DD didn't listen to the teacher and do what she was told. No-one said you 'don't give a shit'. You are having a tantrum. Much like your DD did.

sookiesookie · 05/10/2012 12:22

The teacher has any easy time? I take it you are teacher and have taught that class then. Even if it is an easy class to teach she still shouldn't ignore 14 children because your dd had a tantrum.

Lueji · 05/10/2012 12:22

FWIW, I don't pay much attention to my crying child if he's disobeyed me and is told off.

And I'd feel sorry for the teacher who did.

sookiesookie · 05/10/2012 12:24

should ignore

QuintessentialShadows · 05/10/2012 12:24

Apples, trees and distance. oh well.

TroublesomeEx · 05/10/2012 12:25

@ QuintessentialShadows

QuintessentialShadows · 05/10/2012 12:25

It WOULDNT be an easy class to teach, if the teacher started pandering to unreasonable tantrums from children who are told off for not doing as they are told!

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 05/10/2012 12:27

OP think about it from the other side. 14 kids go home and their parents asked them about their reading only to be told that they hadn't done any today. Why not? "Because LittleRockPaperScissors had a tantrum when she got told off and took up all the teachers time". Do you honestly think that would be in your daughter's best interests?

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