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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should this teacher have ignored my upset child?

109 replies

rockpaperscissors · 05/10/2012 11:54

My DD told me that she got into trouble yesterday at school for not doing a part of her homework. Not her fault but mine (we had a very busy evening). Teacher tells her to get on with another task but DD went on with her reading. Teacher gives her into trouble and she started to cry. Teacher leaves her crying and another child went and got her a tissue. Teacher carried on taking another group of kids for reading and didn't go back to her.

When I asked her about it this morning she went a bit defensive and not in the least bit concerned that DD was upset. This really got my back up, thought her attitude was pretty bad. Told her that I didn't want DD upset like that again in the class.
I wouldn't mind but there are only 15 kids in that class and she has help from a pupil support worker. Far better conditions than a lot of teachers have I'm sure. Spoke to another mum who said she shouted at her child when he forgot to bring his homework in one day. These kids are 6 years old!

Should I approach the head??

OP posts:
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 05/10/2012 12:29

No...OP is not beng unreasonable! This is a SIX year old! OP...that teacher was wrong. BUt you need to help DD do her HW in future...no matter how busy. Surely you get more notice than one day?

lljkk · 05/10/2012 12:30

Child reacts to gentle reprimand by crying. Teacher probably realises that anything more she says will only upset child more, so leaves child to compose herself, child composes self. What was the problem?

Lueji · 05/10/2012 12:31

Plus she would now know how to manipulate the teacher.

What do you think are the chances that she would disobey the teacher again?

I also feel sorry for you if you pander to her crying like that.

How do you discipline her? if you are still around

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 05/10/2012 12:32

You are going to make things veeeerrrryyy hard for your child if this is your attitude to the teacher. Taking the advice on this thread would be wise. But apparently you know better than ALL the posters who have taken time to give you a reply on AIBU.

Ok,rockpaperscissors off you go and have YOUR tantrum somewhere else other than AIBU topic.

We'll miss you. (Not).

Whoknowswhocares · 05/10/2012 12:33

Rubbish. At 6 a child is plenty old enough to learn that there are consequences for ignoring an adult and doing whatever the heck they want to.

The teacher only reprimanded her and moved her attention to kids who weren't misbehaving! If her chosen response is to cry then that is up to her. She could learn to choose doing as she is told instead, couldn't she?

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 05/10/2012 12:33

sammy crying is not "Having a tantrum"

Helpyourself · 05/10/2012 12:34

We're not your friends who'll nod and say that's awful, because you're a bit of a moaner and we like a quiet life.

Stop gossiping and support the school by doing the homework set and encouraging a little resiliance in your daughter.

Viviennemary · 05/10/2012 12:34

Why didn't your little girl do what the teacher told her to do. So she was in the wrong. Sounds like attention seeking to me. It must be hard going for teachers without support from parents.

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 05/10/2012 12:35

sammy crying is not "Having a tantrum"

It is went it's because you don't get your own way, as in this instance.

TroublesomeEx · 05/10/2012 12:35

No it's not BigFatLegs but there are children who cry at the drop of a hat, including when they have been told off for doing something they shouldn't be doing.

The teacher can't pander to that. There would be mayhem and chaos if she did.

Lueji · 05/10/2012 12:35

No...OP is not beng unreasonable! This is a SIX year old! OP...that teacher was wrong. BUt you need to help DD do her HW in future...no matter how busy. Surely you get more notice than one day?

Yeah, they do... Not.

6 year olds can't be reprimanded? FGS
And have to be what, cuddled every time they cry when punished? :o

sookiesookie · 05/10/2012 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

TroublesomeEx · 05/10/2012 12:36

It is Vivien. Very. And this kind of attitude is the hardest of all!

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 05/10/2012 12:37

*when not went Confused

perceptionreality · 05/10/2012 12:38

My dd would never have voluntarily done her homework at only 6 years old. She goes to a prep school and they don't expect them to start taking responsibility for their own homework until year 3 (so juniors).

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 05/10/2012 12:39

I don't think it's sock puppetry sookie, but it is coming from a poster who I recall recently wanted to complain to the headteacher because a TA didn't smile her. I'm so glad I got out of teaching.

Wolfiefan · 05/10/2012 12:39

She didn't do her HW?
She ignored a direct request to do something different?

Don't understand "gives her into trouble". If teacher tells her off and she cries? Well perhaps she should do as she's told?

She didn't do her HW because you were busy? We are busy every day. It's down to time management. If there's an emergency then send her in with a note.

Re teacher's attitude. Perhaps she didn't like yours?!

perceptionreality · 05/10/2012 12:41

But if the teacher only told her off then I don't think she (teacher) was out of line. Children whose parents choose school as the way to educate them need to learn to conform, otherwise there would be chaos as others have said.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 05/10/2012 12:41

Sammy don't be so bloody rude! It's bad form to bring up other posters past threads on another. And if you don't know that then you're either dim or bad mannered naturally.

I stand my my post about the rude TA! Lots of other MNrs agreed with me. Or did you forget that!

TroublesomeEx · 05/10/2012 12:42

Sammy It leaves me feeling the same. Sad

I'm only 'not teaching at the moment'. but the longer I spend on MN and realise what parents are actually saying and thinking about me the less inclined I am to go back.

Some people really have no idea.

honeytea · 05/10/2012 12:42

The teacher probably isn't allowed to cuddle the child even if she had time/inclination to do so.

Your dd was in the wrong to be defiant towards the teacher, I assume dd was crying because she felt ashamed and not because the teacher verbally abused her. If what the teacher said was factual and not aggressive I can't see any problem.

Hopefully your dd will be a little better behaved in class in future.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 05/10/2012 12:42

folk why do you think parents on here are saying things about YOU? Unless you are routinely rude and dismissive, I am sure they say nice things about you.

Helpyourself · 05/10/2012 12:43

In case you're still around OP, in future if you don't do hw, put a postit note on the work or in the bookbag, explaining, 'sorry busy evening, this is what we managed in 20 minutes'

It's really really unfair on your daughter to let her think you don't support the school. If you don't it's better to move schools than to send her off everyday to somewhere she thinks you don't respect.

And don't gossip to other parents.Hmm

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel · 05/10/2012 12:44

Sammy don't be so bloody rude! It's bad form to bring up other posters past threads on another. And if you don't know that then you're either dim or bad mannered naturally.

It's not rude if it is very relevant to what is being discussed. In this instance, over sensitive mummies getting their knickers in a twist because the staff aren't all flowers and fluffy bunnies like they want them to be.

Lueji · 05/10/2012 12:45

BigFatLegs, you had just been accused of being a sock puppet.

I thought Sammy was bloody nice in defending you from that accusation. :)

Although the jury is still out