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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not send my boy to nursery because of the little girl's abduction all over the news.

230 replies

YesAnastasia · 04/10/2012 10:42

It's not that I think it will happen to him but it's on my mind, on all the news and everyone's taking about it and it makes me want to have him sat on my lap 24/7. You can't help but imagine what if it were you, can you?

Nursery seems disorganised at best at the moment and I just want to keep him at home for the rest of the week. Is that bad?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 04/10/2012 10:43

I think you need to separate the two issues - if the nursery does seem disorganised then obviously you won't have much confidence in it. What sort of nursery is it? Who runs it? Can you have a word with the manager/person in charge?

Grot · 04/10/2012 10:43

Yes, I think you're being slightly unreasonable and need to get a bit of a grip.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 04/10/2012 10:44

Yabu.

In what way does the nursery seem disorganised? You might have a valid point, you might not.

ellargh · 04/10/2012 10:45

It's not bad but YAB(a little)U if your son likes nursery. There's always a what if, whether you're with your son or not but wrapping him up in cotton wool is no good for anyone. Teach him not to talk to people he doesn't know unless you're with him etc.

The rest of the week won't hurt as it's not compulsary.

sugarice · 04/10/2012 10:45

Yes get a grip! It's dreadful for her family but you need to get on with your own life.

FireOverBabylon · 04/10/2012 10:46

Yes, the little girl may have been snatched by a member of her extended family in the evening.

If your nursery is disorganised then you have a problem, but it's not related to the girl being abducted in Wales - she wasn't abducted from childcare. Go in to nursery and talk to them about your issues with them - are you saying that their security is lax and another parent or adult could remove your child?

Your child is most at risk from people within your family, not from some stranger outside, so YWBU to keep him at home with you.

newmum001 · 04/10/2012 10:47

Yanbu to be concearned if the nursery is badly run but yabu to keep him at home because of whats on the news. Whats happened to that little girl is incredibly sad but the circumstances of her abduction are very different. If she'd been snached from a nursery then fair enough but she wasn't.

crosscupcake · 04/10/2012 10:48

Sort out the nursery issues and disorganisation that you percieve.

But seriously, i wouldnt go that far to keep my child off nursery.

MadgeHarvey · 04/10/2012 10:48

YABU. The small risk of something awful happening to a child will not diminish however long you keep your child home for. And you can't do that till he's 21 can you. I'm in the get a grip camp here.

boredandrestless · 04/10/2012 10:51

You can't keep him off nursery, do try to get him back there tomorrow. You have changed his routine and he will not get to play with his friends.

It is scary but you need to put it into perspective.

In what ways is the nursery disorganised? Maybe you could speak to the manager if there's things you have noticed and they might be able to put your mind at ease a little.

Sirzy · 04/10/2012 10:53

As this event had no relation to a nursey at all you are being very unreasonable. Even if it had been linked to a nursery it would have still been unreasonable really.

If you have issues with the nursery that is seperate to worrying because of what has happened to April.

needanswers · 04/10/2012 10:53

Yabu - but I understand.

I sobbed my eyes out when ds went to school - from fear of him being harmed by an older child (have reasons for my fears), but I realise - he has to be allowed to live a normal life - regardless of my insecurities - because if I didnt let him - that's when the bastards have really won.

Whoknowswhocares · 04/10/2012 10:56

The nursery is no less organised than it was last week! Yabu and completely overprotective

If you are unhappy with the nursery then by all means deal with that as an issue. But to make it anything to do with that poor little girl is ludicrous

dysfunctionalme · 04/10/2012 10:56

I think you are being a bit silly.

Staying at home sobbing helps no one.

Do your best for your child by letting them lead a normal life with sensible safety precautions.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 04/10/2012 10:58

I don't understand the way people take on these things as if they were happening to them
I am sorry if that upsets anyone (genuinely) but I find it distasteful.

The horror of this poor child going missing belongs to her family and friends.
The rest of us must get on with our lives.

If you are unhappy with the nursery that is a different issue.

CrikeyOHare · 04/10/2012 10:59

Do you think that what's happening in the news as brought to the surface concerns you already had about the nursery?

If so, this needs to be addressed. You should be comfortable leaving your DS there - and if you're not, then perhaps you need to ask yourself whether it's the right place for him.

But, if it's ONLY about the sad, worrying events in Wales, then you are being a bit unreasonable. It's understandable - but things like this are mercifully very rare indeed, and you won't do your DS any favours by wrapping him up in cotton wool in the absence of any real danger.

TroublesomeEx · 04/10/2012 11:00

YABU.

In what way is your son's nursery disorganised?

Why is your son's disorganised nursery mean someone is more likely to try and abduct him?

It is scary. It is every parents nightmare. But it's no more likely to happen to my daughter than it was before April was abducted.

If we followed your thinking to the nth degree, I'd never leave the house in case I got raped, my teenage son would never leave the house in case he got mugged, my husband would never go to work in case the train he travels on got derailed/bombed, we'd never buy a loaf of bread in case it had a mouse baked into it...

When terrible things happen it always causes us to re-evaluate our own practices/decisions because it remind us of what can happen. But it's really important to keep it into perspective.

TroublesomeEx · 04/10/2012 11:01

Absolutely, MrsDeVere

dysfunctionalme · 04/10/2012 11:02

I so agree mrsdevere

It's like emotional vomit and it is totally unhelpful.

JustFabulous · 04/10/2012 11:02

YANBU.

DH was off yesterday and let my 7 and 9 year olds play out the front on their own. I made him go outside and watch them and then one came in I said either the other had too or my 11 year old had to go out too so there was at least 2 of them out there. I know whoever has taken April is not going to take any of the FABChildren but I feel I need to protect them more atm.

worldgonecrazy · 04/10/2012 11:03

Sort of a little bit, but I understand where you are coming from. Whenever I hear about something awful happening to a child, I just want to spend the day cuddling my daughter. But life has to carry on, and though I would love to be spending today and tomorrow cuddling my daughter, the truth is that she has to go to nursery, I have to go to work hundreds of miles away and we are apart.

But yes, I can understand you wanting to hold your son close at times when we are reminded of the vulnerability of life.

TroublesomeEx · 04/10/2012 11:04

Tbf though, Fabulous, the OP isn't asking about keeping an extra eye on them when playing out, she's asking about sending her son to nursery.

Which is completely different.

Whoknowswhocares · 04/10/2012 11:05

The truth is that as a parent you have to let your child live a normal life. It is your duty to let them do this

Will they be 100% safe all the time for ever more? No. But the risk is so tiny with sensible precautions and the alternative of oversmothering them and stunting their development is harmful too

RabidCarrot · 04/10/2012 11:10

A child in a nursery is not a 5 year old allowed to play out on a bike at dusk without adult supervision.
Your son will be fine.

catwomanlikesmeatballs · 04/10/2012 11:16

The nursery isn't going to be any safer next week so if it's not safe enough for him today you need to find a new one.

Keeping your child home because something horrible happened to another child when there is no more risk of it happening to your own is a major overreaction. If you do this every time something bad happens, your child will grow up locked in his bedroom until something happens to another child in their bedroom and then what will you do? Surgically attach him to you? That's no life.

It's cruel to teach a child that the world is a terrifying place to be afraid of and they should hide away in their home to be safe. It debilitates them. Get a grip.