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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not send my boy to nursery because of the little girl's abduction all over the news.

230 replies

YesAnastasia · 04/10/2012 10:42

It's not that I think it will happen to him but it's on my mind, on all the news and everyone's taking about it and it makes me want to have him sat on my lap 24/7. You can't help but imagine what if it were you, can you?

Nursery seems disorganised at best at the moment and I just want to keep him at home for the rest of the week. Is that bad?

OP posts:
RubyFakeNails · 04/10/2012 11:17

YABVU.

To me its the same as someone has a horrific car accident miles away so you don't use the car.

While I completely understand how horrific the April case is and I feel devastated for her parents I can't understand this mass hysteria. She is 1 child out of the hundreds of thousands in the UK, that doesn't mean that all children are suddenly at risk.

Are you local to her? Maybe thats what influencing you? I haven't noticed anyone really talking about it much, obviously its been in the media but I'm not feeling as if its everywhere yet.

CaptainVonTrapp · 04/10/2012 11:17

OP YANBU to feel extra protective.

MrsDevere I know I'm not alone in feeling utterly appalled and actually upset by what has happened to April this isn't a choice to take on these things as if they were happening to them. I am 'getting on with my life' of course. In fact I would like to feel more like you sound - quite pragmatic.

Of course its nothing to what her family is going through, I wouldn't even try to imagine.

However to describe someones response to the abduction of a 5 year old girl as emotional vomit dysfunctionalme I really do find distasteful. You sound very cold.

YouOldSlag · 04/10/2012 11:17

YABU. As tragic as it is for her family, this is not your tragedy and life must go on. Whenever a parent hears of an awful news story like this, they will want to hug their child a little more appreciatively, of course, but life goes and interrupting his routine because of a news story is an over reaction.

When you read of a car crash do you decide never to get in a car again? Perspective!

lljkk · 04/10/2012 11:18

I imagine Your child is more likely to get struck by lightening at some point in their life, than to attract the attentions of a would-be child snatcher.

OhSoSimple · 04/10/2012 11:18

YABU to not send your child to nursery because of the little girl going missing. That's very dramatic on your part and frankly, ridiculous. I would be more concerned by the tragedy of the little girl who became entangled in the play equipment and died.

However, if you are unhappy with the nursery itself than you are right to not send him and look for an alternative.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 04/10/2012 11:21

I think people are being way harsh to the OP. Can anyone honestly say they didn't feel the twist of anxiety in their gut when they heard this news, the desire to have their children right by their side at that very instant? I know I did.
You need to separate out your anxiety response to this story - which I share - from your concerns about the nursery. you can't deal with the former, but you can and should address the latter.

dysfunctionalme · 04/10/2012 11:22

CaptainVonTrapp not cold at all. But sensible. Getting yourself into a tizz over someone else's tragedy is a bit lot sick. It is not in the least bit helpful. Infact it is just being troublesome and faintly ridiculous. There are so many better ways to expend your energy than making yourself ill with worry over something that is absolutely nothing to do with you.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 04/10/2012 11:25

I'm sorry I think that's an awful thing to say, dysfunctional. If the OP's anxious reaction is over the top and unbalanced surely she deserves sympathy, not to be stigmatised as a sicko. Wwould you say that to a friend who was suffering from excessive anxiety? I sincerely hope not.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 04/10/2012 11:26

And by the way, if people telling themselves there are better things to do than worry actually worked, there'd be no-one suffering from anxiety disorders. What an ignorant remark.

TroublesomeEx · 04/10/2012 11:27

Captain I don't want to speak for MrsDeVere or DysfunctionalMe because I know that they are both quite capable of speaking for themselves, but I took their posts to refer to the public outpourings of grief that has become increasingly popular in recent years.

Ever since then members of the public have responded disproportionately to any tragedy reported in the news.

Of course we are all horrified and saddened by this, and other similar, incidences, but it is distasteful for people to take it on as though it belongs to them.

It doesn't.

FreudianLisp · 04/10/2012 11:27

YABU.

The reason it's all over the news - other than because it's such an awful situation for the family - is because it's thankfully very very rare for this sort of thing to happen. Any child is far more likely to be killed in a car accident than abducted - are you going to ban your child from travelling in cars?

There are millions and millions of children in this country who will go to nursery/school/playground/etc today and who will come home safe and well.

CaptainVonTrapp · 04/10/2012 11:28

Who is ill with worry? You are the only one to mention vomit and label someone 'sick'.

TroublesomeEx · 04/10/2012 11:29

The OP hasn't made any reference to having an anxiety disorder.

I don't think it can be assumed that she does.

I don't think anyone is mocking the OP, just trying to put things into perspective for her. And she has posted on AIBU which isn't really known for it's softly softly catchy monkey approach, is it now?

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 04/10/2012 11:29

captain you ate entitiled to your opinion and I to mine.
My opinion is that it is self indulgent and I dislike it intensly.
It is worse now than it has ever been. People are no longer content with feeling for a family in a terrible situation.
They have to tell the world how awful they feel and how it is affecting them.

It isn't affecting them. Their children are safe and they no nothing of the pain and horror the family are feeling. They cannot and should not imagine what it's like.

I despise it. I have been on the receiving end of it and I can tell you it doesn't help one tiny bit.

TroublesomeEx · 04/10/2012 11:30

My opinion is that it is self indulgent and I dislike it intensly.
It is worse now than it has ever been. People are no longer content with feeling for a family in a terrible situation.
They have to tell the world how awful they feel and how it is affecting them.

YES!!!

TigerFeet · 04/10/2012 11:30

The reason that April's disappearance has been all over the news is that such things happen so very rarely.

Is there any particular reason you feel that he's not safe at nursery? If so, you need to address that.

I must admit I've been feeling a bit unsure about letting my 8yo play out, she's been allowed out on our cul-de-sac on her own for a couple of years as long as I can see her from the front door (I don't watch her, just stick my head out every now and again) and this summer she was allowed to walk round the corner to the park as long as she had her friend with her. I have questioned whether I've been too lax but I don't think I have. I'm not going to stop her life because of a million to one chance.

So, YANBU to feel empathy for the family but YABU to react by clinging to your own child.

DuelingFanjo · 04/10/2012 11:31

YABU and a bit weird.

PostBellumBugsy · 04/10/2012 11:32

YABU - keeping your DS home from nursery because of a 5 year old being abducted in the semi-darkness when out of sight of her home is crazy.

It is every parents' nightmare to have their child abducted & I am keeping every finger & toe crossed that little April is found safe & well.

I will be checking my own decisions about when & for how long my DCs are allowed to play outside & I will certainly be reminding them that they never get in a car with anyone - because those are sensible parenting decisions to take in light of something like this.

If your nursery is disorganised, then have a chat to them about that. If you have any reservations at all about their policies around who can pick up your son, then you should raise that with them very strongly.

Tee2072 · 04/10/2012 11:34

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU

If you're not happy with the nursery, change nurseries.

OhSoSimple · 04/10/2012 11:34

I agree entirely with orangeandgoldmrsdevere and folkgirl . My friend went through an awful tragedy and she found these types of "sympathy" hard to stomach. What she wanted was support not people transferring her tragedy ino their drama.

I think it is quite attention seeking and disrespectful.

Of course if the OP is suffering from anxiety that is now having an effect on her being able to rationalise things like this then she must urgently seek medical help.

EverybodysCryEyed · 04/10/2012 11:34

Folk girl

Seconded!

Ephiny · 04/10/2012 11:35

YABU and a bit silly.

If there are issues with the nursery then that's another matter, but it has nothing to do with what happened to this little girl.

I agree with MrsDeVere actually. Maybe I am 'cold' (though I'd rather that than be hysterical and sentimental) but I find some people's reactions to this a bit distasteful and self-indulgent.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 04/10/2012 11:36

Someone had written on a friend's facebook yesterday that she wouldn't be letting her children play outside after school in case. We live a 100 miles from Machynlleth in a large city. I mean WTAF did she think could happen to her child in connection with this incident.

wigglesrock · 04/10/2012 11:42

I agree if you're not happy with the nursery, thats a completely different issue.

I know that while I was up with my 19 month old in the middle of the night, I watched the news, kissed her and said a quick "please keep my children safe" to whatever God was still up at 3am. But there was a heartbreaking car accident involving a baby nearish wherer I live last week, I still put my 3 children in the car just after it happened and drove.

Terrible, horrible, ugly, fucking unfair things happen to people every day.

TigerFeet · 04/10/2012 11:42

I agree wholeheartedly with everyone who finds this sort of over the top reaction a bit distateful.

I'm not cold, far from it, I cry and laugh and cuddle my girls close all the time.

I just don't think that an appropriate response to someone else's tragedy is to assume that it's going to happen to you as well.