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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

stay at home mum ,untidy house ,me time.

281 replies

bethjoanne · 03/10/2012 19:52

hi my husbands works all day and i am busy going to baby groups etc and looking after baby .husband expects tidy house and tea ready when he gets in.ironing is mounting up and he gos out for 8 hours with mates on saturday .whos unreasonble?

OP posts:
jultomten · 22/02/2017 07:09

Op, Im going to disagree with most of these people on here and say looking after a baby all day is more difficult than going to work therefore chores should still be shared equally and your husband should help you as much as he can to make your life easier. It's difficult keeping a house spotless when you have a new baby! Babies do need pretty constant attention.. holding, feeding, cleaning, calming, and then there is sleep deprivation! I say sleep as much as you can, go out as much as you have energy to do it will make you feel a lot better than playing 50is house wife all day! Leave the laundry and housework and do it with your husband on weekends or evenings. Tell him to have a proper meal for lunch and then you can have simple dinners.

midsummabreak · 22/02/2017 07:14

At the end of a tiring day for both of you, you both need a break. Can't you take turns cooking? Both of you are working, paid or unpaid, in tiring roles.

christinarossetti · 22/02/2017 07:16

This is the rare beast of an interesting zombie thread.

I didn't realise it was from 2012, and was expecting the first posts to be along 'you're working too' lines.

Heartening to recognise that the status of SAHP has risen in mumsnetters eyes over the last 5 years.

midsummabreak · 22/02/2017 07:17

do something fun this weekend with friends

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 22/02/2017 07:18

Depends on the baby's age!! New baby stage is hard going! Once DH was home, I really needed a break from everything for an hour. Baby and the house.

Under 4 or 5 months it's really hard to look after the baby 6 days a week and have tidy house/meals prepared. My DH was totally supportive and bent over backwards.

About 6 months it clicked for me. I felt less exhausted and things seemed more manageable. I still needed an hours break once DH walked in from work though. He had a seated, calm job with a lunch break and knew I wasn't sat round watching tv all day.

It's important to have balance for baby and you. Taking the baby out is essential in so many ways. For mental health and socialising baby.

From 6 months I planned for one activity out of the house daily (could be just a short walk or at a friends house most of the day) and a couple of hours daily for house jobs.

When baby was 6 months, DH would just do one thing. Wash up/put away usually. Then hed bath the baby for half an hour.

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 22/02/2017 07:20

Also what time do you get alone?

Has he ever run the house and looked after the baby alone? For a couple of days on the trot?

NC1nightstand · 22/02/2017 07:21

Why are so many zombie threads popping up? I've seen about 5 in the last day and a half.

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 22/02/2017 07:24

Also consider the mums net is mostly made up of mums who work OP.

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 22/02/2017 07:25

Weekend chores should be split 50/50. If he's away for one of those days and does little, he needs to do lots on his day at home to make up for it.

NC1nightstand · 22/02/2017 07:26

I know Christinarossetti! (excellent username btw)
I was quite taken aback at the the first couple of responses. It's hard to believe that attitudes could be so archaic just a few years ago. I really don't think she'd get so much of that today. I bloody hope not, anyway!Grin

GallivantingWildebeest · 22/02/2017 07:27

I think there are two issues here: the tea in the evening, and your dh going out all day at the weekend.

You should make tea if you're at home all day, I think. Doesn't have to be cordon bleu. if your dh is fussy, can he cook at weekends?

You should have the same amount of child-free time during the week. Does your h have the baby at all by himself? Him going out all day Sat is unfair. You're working duirng the week looking after his child, just as he is working.

GallivantingWildebeest · 22/02/2017 07:28

Oh bollocks, just seen it's a zombie. Sorry.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 22/02/2017 07:28

"Has he ever run the house and looked after the baby alone? For a couple of days on the trot?"

Bit irrelevant now. This is a ZOMBIE THREAD (bumped by a spammer) and the DC is school age now.

luckylucky24 · 22/02/2017 07:32

I think a bit of compromise on both is needed here. I have 2 kids and am currently at home. Yesterday I managed to do a 2 hour walk and nip to the train station (whilst eldest was at preschool.) On top of that I put a wash load on (and hung up afterwards), put two loads away, hovered upstairs and cleaned the downstairs cloakroom.
I also went to the butchers for a pie and made tea for when DH got home then put the youngest to bed.
I went out at 7pm and DH put the eldest to bed.
Nap times are your friend.
Compromise is key here.

maddiemookins16mum · 22/02/2017 07:34

Zombie thread or not, she sounded a tad lazy. Women have been running the home and preparing the family meal for centuries, it's not about being a 50's housewife (as is trotted out by the same folk each time) it's about sharing the load, he goes out to work, she "works" in the home (and still has time for MN and baby groups). Right, I'm off to put a stew in the slow cooker for dinner tonight. A really difficult baby aside, it can be done. Some young women today seem affronted by the realities of it all and would rather be out drinking coffee with their pals all day than at least keeping some kind of order at home. Of course nobody expects her to be scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush or using a mangle (and I spent many an hour on the sofa watching afternoon tv when DD was little), we have modern day technology in our homes too. Like I say, Zombie thread or not, I still feel the same and have no problem with being called old fashioned either.

Frouby · 22/02/2017 07:37

OP your baby is 4 weeks old. Frankly when ds was that age I had all on getting dressed in the morning and making a coffee never mind fucking about making meals from scratch.

When dd was a baby I was a 1950s housewife. Ds was made of velcro and I got very little done in the house until.he was old enough to sit under his baby gum for 10 minute slots.

Are you bfing? If not on sunday you go out for 8 hours and leave your DH to it. See how much he has got done when you get back.

skerrywind · 22/02/2017 07:39

frouby- OP your baby is 4 weeks old.

No, this child is 5 years old and will be at school by now.

shesnotme · 22/02/2017 07:44

Fuck that shit. Tell H to gethis shirts ironed. You can only do what you can do. Bully for you to the perfect posters.Hmm

Mammylamb · 22/02/2017 07:45

Poor OP coming in for a flaming on here. When I was on mat leave the deal was that during the day my job was to look after baby. Then when DH came home he took baby and i got on with making dinner and housework. We shared parental leave, so when he went on leave, his job was to look after baby all day. Because both of us got a shot at both roles, it was in both our interests to split the work as fairly as possible. Some babies are great at letting you get on with things. Ours wasn't.

FuckeryOmbudsman · 22/02/2017 07:59

"Poor OP who posted in 2012 coming in for a flaming on here because some posters haven't taken into account that the DC will now be in school "

No update from OP (zombie thread reanimated by spam) so we don't know how it worked out, all those years ago

jackieeee · 22/02/2017 08:05

Yanbu - looking after a baby all day is hard work. He has got it easy

fusspot66 · 22/02/2017 08:09

Just got to your post where you say baby is 4 weeks old.
Where do you live so I can come round and kick him in the cock for you.
He's a an idiot. And cruel.

fusspot66 · 22/02/2017 08:10

Oops
That was 5 yrs ago.
I hope you did get him sorted though.

evensmilingmakesmyfacehurt · 22/02/2017 08:12

I have a 4 month old DS, currently on mat leave and I manage with a lot of slow cooker meals / meal planning. Getting LO into a routine helps as well so I can get him to bed then cook or if he decides sleep is for the weak then I bung him in the bouncer and take him in kitchen with me.

I have made myself a little cleaning rota e.g every day I'll dust, tidy clothes away, put washing on, Hoover and each day I tackle one / two rooms fully e.g Monday living room, Tuesday bedrooms, weds kitchen / dining room, thurs bathrooms so that I'm getting these things done whilst DS naps - I can still make it to baby groups, swim lessons and see mum friends as well around the schedule / baby's naps. This means at the weekend we can both spend time with baby and not have to worry about housework.

With regards to ironing, I'll do the bulk of it. It if OH wants something in particular he is a big boy and can use an iron / ironing board himself.

GlacindaTheTroll · 22/02/2017 08:14

"Just got to your post where you say baby is 4 weeks old.
Where do you live so I can come round and kick him in the cock for you."

After 4 and a half years, and with no update from OP about her DC who is now school age, that seems excessive.

Even little ZOMBIES grow up.

we have no idea how it worked out for OP in the four and a half years since she posted