To feel really very hurt by my SIL.

[Diddydollydo]

My brother and his wife have just had their first baby (yay!), a beautiful little girl. I wanted to get them something special, or what I thought was special, so I started making a basket up for them a few months ago, adding to it when I could afford to.

I put in bodysuits, babygrows, a music box, teething ring, a couple of little dresses, little soft toys, practical stuff like nappies, wipes, muslins etc. I also made some wee trinkets for DN for when she is older (I make silver jewellery). I decorated the basket with ribbons and balloons and took it round on Saturday and DB and SIL seemed very happy with it. DB rang me when I got home to say thanks again.

Today at work, DB rang and asked me to drop by on my way home from work and pick something up that I'd left there. So he opens the door and we're chatting in the hall. SIL was in the living room and clearly didn't hear me come in as I hear her say 'Yeah, Diddy was here on Saturday. Yes a basket of crap then laughs. DB was mortified and started to walk into the living room but I stopped him, said it didn't matter and left. She's just had a baby and I didn't want them fighting.

However, now I feel really hurt. I put so much thought into the basket and I know that perhaps it wasn't a fancy present but I thought she, in particular, would appreciate it. And most of all, I thought she was my friend. Am I being a twattish sensitive idiot?

YANBU. You would think someone who had just had a baby would have better things to do with her time than bitch about a gift.

Wow, how ungrateful. No wonder you feel upset.

Perhaps she's not at the stage of motherhood to realise how amazing muslin cloths are?

But dont you feel embarrassed. You say to your SIL with DB in sight "I am sorry you thought it was crap but I honestly thought they would be of use to you and I really loved making this basket for my niece.".

SIL will learn to love this gift, she just doesn't realise it yet because when she looks back it will be the gift they got a lot of use out of.

I really admire you for the way you dealt with it. Very restrained and dignified.

I'm sure she'll be feeling a lot worse than you. Try to put it to the back of your mind, for the sake of your relationship with your DN. Let her/your DB make the next move.

But well done - for the lovely, thoughtful gift, and your generosity of spirit after such a hurtful, inexplicable insult.

How rude!!!

Who was she saying it to? Was someone else in the room or was she on the phone?

I'd like to think she would mention it next time you are round! As in a serious apology and grovel.

Actually, if she hasn't already phoned you to apologise, not text, then I'd be giving her a wide berth for a while.

Baby brain or not that was a mean thing to say to such a thoughtful gift.

What a beautiful, thoughtful present.

She sounds like an utterly vile and ungrateful witch. Just had a baby or not, that was a horrible thing to say.

Agree with above poster, do her an actually basket of crap for christmas.

What a lovely lovely gift :(
Do you know who she was on the phone to? The only only reason I can think of for this apart from her being a horrible bitch is maybe it was someone close to her who made a lot less effort and she was upset about that so downplaying your present?
Horrible bitch much more realistic though

I'd be gutted too. That's exactly the kind of present I want to do when my older currently-childless friends have babies... I hope they'd appreciate it. I certainly would have if I'd received something like that!

I hope it was a misunderstanding but I have a feeling you have just seen her true colours :(

As I read the first part of your post I thought what a gorgeous present and how kind you are.

I'm sorry you overheard your sil.

Some people are ungrateful. She is one of them.

Oh how sad :( yanbu

If you had put that much thought and planning into a gift I would have been very moved and grateful x

She's rude and ungrateful.

A friend of mine did something similar and I was so touched. It wasn't the most expensive gift I received but it was definitely the most thoughtful and the gift I remember best.

Yanbu. What a stupid bitch. This is exactly something my sil did to me about clothes I'd bought for db's daughters. Apparently, my sil had a "superior" taste in clothes for her dd's that no one could match. so i thought fuck you then bitch. I've never bought them clothes as gifts again.

Your present sounds lovely btw, I was given a bag full of useful things like that when DS was born, and I actually used everything. It was the most practical and appreciated present I received. Don't feel bad, your sil is a cow.

YANBU as everyone else has said, your gift sounds lovely and your SIL has been extremely rude! :(

soggyjumper @ actual basket of crap.

I hope your db gives her hell! and I hope she apologises next time she sees you. Ungrateful bitch

She was on the phone at the time. Ah well, you live and learn I suppose but I'll never feel the same way about her now. I won't make a big fuss, I love my brother dearly and I want to have a good relationship with my little niece. I would like to think she'll at least apologise but she has a history of just pretending things haven't happened!

Oh and thanks, you're a grand bunch and have made me feel better and less twattish.

I'm not surprised you are Hurt hopefully she is mortified and will apologise profusely.

She will learn that practical gifts like the one you have given are most valuable in time

What a horrible, snobby thing for her to say!
I made a nappy cake for my nephew when he was born. My sister was pregnant at the same time and said it was a horrible idea .
My BIL and SIL loved it! They used every item and said it was the best gift they got, as it didn't just gather dust (they hate ornaments).

You put a lot of thought and effort in to that gift, and you are a lovely auntie. Just ignore your SIL and her nastyness.

A bit odd though isn't it? (Aside from ungracious.) What kind of gift do you think would have met her expectations? A bespoke cot / silver rattle/ - is she after something more expensive or something less baby related? Your gift sounds a mix - practical but pretty, some basics but some unique things, thoughtfully presented. You also sound like you've spent more than the average - both in terms of money and time.
You cannot always like every gift you receive - I was a bit shocked to receive a collared shirt AND matching tie for my DS (the size was for 0-3m!) But you would have thought you had that covered too - even if she didn't like the style/ colour of one of the pieces of clothing - there would have been other items to appreciate..
The main thing is you tried your best - gave from your heart - the response is really her problem. Please don't let it stop you making a relationship with your DN.

She sounds like an utter bitch. You, on the other hand op, sound great. I wish you were my sil. She doesn't deserve you!

Your gift was thoughtful, special and generous. And you sound lovely

I think that in your shoes I would have a chat with your DB. He knows that you overheard and he may know the context of the conversation SIL was having. Tell him how hurt you feel, how much love and effort you put into your gift and hopefully he will shame your SIL into seeing what an ungrateful cow she was. It's no excuse but new baby/hormones/sleep deprecation = nice people become monsters.

And I think you are more upset at the thought that you misunderstood your friendship than the actual comment?

Normally I would say 'walk away' but she is family, you will have to see her, you obviously care (or cared) for her and especially if you plan to see your lovely niece regularly.

Under these circumstances, better to be honest about how hurt you felt and clear the air.

agree with Mama.

if i am really good please can i have you for my sil .
your one can have mine. she gave me an ikea blanket when ds1 was born.

ignore her and focus on your niece. she is very lucky to have such a kind and thoughful aunt.

Does she not know that it's in The Rules that Aunties must buy the noisiest, most irritating toys for their dn's at every single opportunity?

The entire existence of the Noisy Toy With No Volume Control Or Off Switch Industry depends on this rule!

Why should you feel a twat?!
You have done something thoughtful, creative AND practical.

She is vile and doesn't deserve you to be so nice.

I made up a big box of stuff for my niece. She loves designer gear too. She was genuinely thrilled with my gift and it doesn't sound half as good as yours. It was a mix of v.mundane - nappy bags and sanitary towels and more gifty - mum and baby piggy bank, impractical bibs etc.

I would have been pretty devastated if she had referred to it as a load of crap. But she wouldn't because she is lovely and your SIL is horrible.