To feel really very hurt by my SIL.

[Diddydollydo]

My brother and his wife have just had their first baby (yay!), a beautiful little girl. I wanted to get them something special, or what I thought was special, so I started making a basket up for them a few months ago, adding to it when I could afford to.

I put in bodysuits, babygrows, a music box, teething ring, a couple of little dresses, little soft toys, practical stuff like nappies, wipes, muslins etc. I also made some wee trinkets for DN for when she is older (I make silver jewellery). I decorated the basket with ribbons and balloons and took it round on Saturday and DB and SIL seemed very happy with it. DB rang me when I got home to say thanks again.

Today at work, DB rang and asked me to drop by on my way home from work and pick something up that I'd left there. So he opens the door and we're chatting in the hall. SIL was in the living room and clearly didn't hear me come in as I hear her say 'Yeah, Diddy was here on Saturday. Yes a basket of crap then laughs. DB was mortified and started to walk into the living room but I stopped him, said it didn't matter and left. She's just had a baby and I didn't want them fighting.

However, now I feel really hurt. I put so much thought into the basket and I know that perhaps it wasn't a fancy present but I thought she, in particular, would appreciate it. And most of all, I thought she was my friend. Am I being a twattish sensitive idiot?

[Merrin]

I would leave it for now as your brother sounds lovely. Every Christmas I would give her a five pound voucher for BHS and something thoughtful and lovely for your brother and niece. :o

[SauvignonBlanche]

What a crappy text!

[YellowTulips]

Personally I would let it go for now in the knowledge that Christmas is approaching. I would get lovely presents for DB and DN and beautifully gift wrap an identical basket filled with 10 plastic dog turds with a card saying "a basket of crap you can legitimately be ungrateful for. merry Christmas!! love Diddy"

[nkf]

You've probably got to let it go forever. The only thing you could do is say how much it hurt you. And perhaps a better apology would result. But a nasty line has been drawn and it's hard to get over these things.

[KatieScarlett2833]

My DH aunt did something similar when DD was born. I loved it. And after 17 years it is the only gift I remember getting I liked it so much I have done something similar for friends, they loved it too.

May I suggest "bop it" as an addition to the toys for DN from hell list?

[elizaregina]

yellow


i have to say yours is the best response seen on this thread - love that!

[YellowTulips]

I am not sure eliza - I think a basket of bopits as per Katie's post might actually be the better response! So much more annoying!

[lovebunny]

give her gift tokens in future. not giving anything would let her know how badly she's hurt you. let her spend her own time choosing things. when you get presents for the child as she grows up, give them to her at your house, or while you are there, so that she actually gets to see them.

[mertin]

I'd say don't let it put you off buying thoughtful gifts for your niece.

Lots of dc have completely different tastes and opinions to their dms.

She's an idiot of the highest order. Most people would be over the moon for their dc to have an aunty as lovely as you.

For the record, I'd have loved a present like that.

[sprucedup]

Diddy, I have a little teething toy thst screams a medley of annoying rhymes if you so much as breathe on it, with no off button. It's from boots, but I'll happily send you mine. Not sure if it would be fair to the postman though.

[perfectstorm]

Can I adopt you? I want you as my DS or SIL.

Your SIL was quite staggeringly ungrateful, and after all the care and time and love you invested, you couldn't be anything but hurt. Having said that, I pity her. There are not many people who would go to that kind of trouble for you, or be that kind. Failing to appreciate the gesture is indicative, to me, of someone who wouldn't know the value of genuine family affection if it slapped her in the face.

[kickassangel]

even if her taste was spectacularly different from yours so that the gift was the absolute opposite of anything she would have chosen, there was no need to talk about it like that.

It is just incredibly rude to bad mouth people/their actions like that. Makes her look very two faced as well.

[musicalendorphins]

It would be great if she could read this thread. Although she'd probably just roll her eyes from the sounds of her.

I always this a book on manners is a great gift, especially for someone who doesn't have any.

[ZombiesAreClammyDodgers]

That is such a lovely pressie and exactly the sort of thing I would love to do for someone I care about.
She is being mean.
Give her a bit of a cold shoulder and if you are on those terms maybe just tell her you overheard and were hurt?

[Miltonia]

SIL has shown herself to be mean and nasty. To be spiteful behind your back when you thought you were friends and then to be so dismissive in the text draws a picture in my mind of a superficial, selfish and even cruel person. She obviously didn't mind your DB hearing as she knew he was there in the house.

I feel sorry for your DB. Hold your head up high but don't let her get close again as you can't trust her.

[NadiaWadia]

That basket sounds a lovely and thoughful gifit, which most people would really appreciate. I would retrieve it if I were you - she obviously doesn't appreciate or deserve it. And don't give her, individually, anything else again.

You could still give your DB and DN gifts though, but maybe stick to gift tokens or money for your DN until she is old enough to tell you what she'd like for her birthday etc. I'd be worried that anything I chose to give her whilst she is tiny would be sneered at by her bratty mother.

I assume your SIL must give very special presents herself?

[Merrin]

Every time she gives you a gift from now on you must look at her quizzically with a raised eyebrow, as if its a crap present :o In fact you can have huge fun with this for many years to come!

[SnotandBothered]

I read this and I think - Karma

In a year from now, when every piece of designer baby, and adult, shite is stained with poo and vomit, when SIL is sleep deprived and fantasising about having a shower. When she can't remember the last time she slept for more than 4 consecutive hours, you will be able to shrug your shoulders and say "it's a shame you were so rude to me because now I'm afraid I don't feel inclined to take DN for the afternoon so you can wash your hair, although I must say it is looking very dirty"

Before giving DN a big hug and her very first Xylophone.

[Quadrangle]

ha ha yes. Every time she give you a gift from now on you have to pull this face. or this face Then leave the room and get onto your phone to someone about what you have just received from her.

[SnotandBothered]

Yes you can do what my wonderfully passive aggressive mum does every Christmas.

Me: (having spent weeks and more than I can afford in a attempt to win her approval) Oh Mum, look this one is for you. From me

Her: (opens present and does that unsure/surprised laugh) "Gosh what an odd present!

It's like a knife. Every time. I heartily recommend it

[Quadrangle]

Oh no SnotandBothered I think you should get your mum a gift voucher this year!

[OhGood]

YANBU. Your present sounds so lovely.

[FruitSaladIsNotPudding]

I wish my SIL was like you. Mine barely acknowledges dd, let alone makes thoughtful presents for her.

[dysfunctionalme]

Any update OP???