To feel really very hurt by my SIL.

[Diddydollydo]

My brother and his wife have just had their first baby (yay!), a beautiful little girl. I wanted to get them something special, or what I thought was special, so I started making a basket up for them a few months ago, adding to it when I could afford to.

I put in bodysuits, babygrows, a music box, teething ring, a couple of little dresses, little soft toys, practical stuff like nappies, wipes, muslins etc. I also made some wee trinkets for DN for when she is older (I make silver jewellery). I decorated the basket with ribbons and balloons and took it round on Saturday and DB and SIL seemed very happy with it. DB rang me when I got home to say thanks again.

Today at work, DB rang and asked me to drop by on my way home from work and pick something up that I'd left there. So he opens the door and we're chatting in the hall. SIL was in the living room and clearly didn't hear me come in as I hear her say 'Yeah, Diddy was here on Saturday. Yes a basket of crap then laughs. DB was mortified and started to walk into the living room but I stopped him, said it didn't matter and left. She's just had a baby and I didn't want them fighting.

However, now I feel really hurt. I put so much thought into the basket and I know that perhaps it wasn't a fancy present but I thought she, in particular, would appreciate it. And most of all, I thought she was my friend. Am I being a twattish sensitive idiot?

Op - thought you might like to know that my dd has a Fifi the Flowertots television type toy. It plays the Fifi theme again and again. It has no volume control. You can switch it off but the child can easily switch it back on and the batteries last a decade. It's an especially vulgar shade of pink too.

Just thought you might be interested.

Harrods sells a teddy bear that plays a bass drumb and blows a really shrill whistle. Ideal.

The non-apology is almost the worst bit. I'd be tempted into a bit of passive aggression to be honest. 'please can I have the jewellery back as it is special to me and I will keep if for DN and she can decide if she wants it when she's older. I would hate it to go in the bin with the rest of my 'crap' presents. She might share my taste as you clearly don't.'
That wound antagonise too though.
Your poor brother.
Like others, I don't understand what she wanted instead? Silver rattle - what for? Gucci baby grow- works as excellent shorthand for which parents to avoid at baby groups I su

That is a dreadful apology - it almost makes it worse. In a way, I think it best you found out now, just imagine, you could have spent 20 years being nice to her, thinking she was your friend.

I would keep it light and friendly, but don't invest anything emotionally.

Please please please, can we all send our most rubbish toys to you so that you can make up a massive collection. You can say that you are so sorry she didn't like your gift and that you feel dreadful about it, so would like to put it right by giving her daughter some special toys. Please OP?

The non-apology is almost the worst bit. I'd be tempted into a bit of passive aggression to be honest. 'please can I have the jewellery back as it is special to me and I will keep if for DN and she can decide if she wants it when she's older. I would hate it to go in the bin with the rest of my 'crap' presents. She might share my taste as you clearly don't.'
That wound antagonise too though.
Your poor brother.
Like others, I don't understand what she wanted instead? Silver rattle - what for? Gucci baby grow- works as excellent shorthand for which parents to avoid at baby groups I suppose, so that is really a gift for others.
Keep doing nice things for your niece. It isn't her fault her mum is ungrateful.

She sounds awful, just to agree with everyone saying to let it go the important thing is keeping the relationship with your brother and niece going. If you have a falling out it also affects the wider family, Christmas, birthdays etc just become really complicated with everyone avoiding the issue and pretending it hasn't happened. Try to remember the bigger picture and that your brother would be in the middle, whilst he can pick her up on her behaviour it isn't his fault.

I had something similar, more discrete but attacking my parenting skills etc, MIL (unwittinging) when SIL was pregnant would say, 'XXX says she is going to be much more organised', the comparison to me was obvious. It was a lot of low level bullying. I tried to ignore it, when she had her child, great went through the motions. She then realised that it wasn't that easy, they have had real trouble with her sleeping or lack of it, I loved it. Not gracious I know but she was a right bitch. I have never forgotten her behaviour, whilst I have moved on and the relationship has improved, I have a line and I don't trust her.

I agree that the crap apology is almost worse than the original offence. It's clear that your DB is a nice guy and is aware of your feelings and you will, sadly have to tolerate the cowbag SIL in order to have a good realtionship with him and DN.

Go with the quiet, dignified, passive aggressive approach rather than getting into an argument that lets her claim the high ground

Perhaps it´s worth asking brother if he can pass it back?

Even if say, the jewellery and music box were not to your taste I can't imagine anyone not liking and appreciating the practical stuff. Putting together such a present costs a small fortune (I have done similar for two friends) and they must realise that at least!

Also DD1 (7) has 3 jewellery/music boxes - none of them are to my taste - Tinkerbell, Barbie and a Boots one, but she likes them and stores her hair clips, bands and some actual jewellery in them. I would never, never describe someone's present as "a load of crap", or even think it, when they had clearly taken time and been very thoughtful.

And as for the argument about her being irritated by having to put things away in different places - that really doesn't fly, for me. I was overjoyed to have presents arrive every day, and wasn't bothered whether stuff was put away or not. It was better than Christmas! Other friends with new babies said the same.

Goodness OP, I really feel for you. I know your SIL has just had a baby and I could have JUST about accepted an off-the-cuff remark she made when she didn't think you were listening if the items really weren't to here taste (although (a) the present sounds absolutely wonderful and (b) it was still an awful thing for her to say even if the items weren't to her taste), but the TEXT?! Its all very well for her to say "let's move on"!

I would be highly highly tempted to say "I take it you didn't like the gift. I'll therefore be round on x date to pick it up and give it to [insert worthy cause of your choice] as they will be very appreciative".

I'd respond with "I really don't know what to say. Your lack of manners has rendered me speechless."

OP - I feel for you too

It's horrible that she has been so nasty in the original comment and so flippant in the text, but what is done is done and there is nothing to change it.

It sounds like your brother has realised how horrible she was being. As others and you have said, it's not worth causing grief with your brother about and spoiling his happy time.

I would however struggle to be any more friendly than just cool and polite with SIL. Just make sure you don't end up being blamed for any family rift, it's not worth it.

There is no way that you're likely to forget and it's hard that she will no doubt stay down in your estimations for this. And sad that you've lost a friend.

Good luck, moral upper hand is what you need.

I think the best thing is to NOT reply to the text, delete it and keep her stewing in her own juice.

your SIL sounds like a real piece of work, ungrateful and completely unapologetic afterwards.
She would have nothing but gift vouchers from now on if it was me.

Your SIL is very rude. That "let's move on shall we?" makes her show up for the bitch that she is. No remorse for hurting your feelings or insulting the thoughtful basket you made for her.

I would not reply. Let her think about it.

Give her a small mirror for Christmas, so she can have a good look at herself.

Text her back "No problem - you've provided a lot of people with a lot of entertainment, and you've given me lots of inspiration for future presents"

She is an utter cunt. Your poor brother and niece being lumbered with her. Dint reply to her pathetic text but ensure that everyone in your family knows what she said both about the text and about the present.
Be civil but very very 'cool' with her from now on. She obviously expects you to roll over and take it - show get you will not.

If your brother is any sort of a man, they already have fallen out. Especially after that non-apology text she sent you.

Your SIL is a twat. And a cunt.

OP that is horrid :( adding to the annoying toy list fisher price sit n spin zebra!!!!! Seriously it will drive SIL insane and lasts for years ;)

Really tee and gimme?
Sense of proportion, anyone? OP you know yourself, your db and notsodb. You know you've been I'll served and I'm sure that deep down you know there's no point in stoking the flames.

You could send her the link to this thread...

Still, best to keep a dignified silence. You/we know you are the injured party.

Yes. Really. If she wasn't that text would have said "I am so sorry I was so thoughtless."

What she texted was cuntish. And twatful.

Present for your SIL at Xmas ;-) www.baronbob.com/crappy-gift-basket.htm

I love it how this thread has turned into an annoying toy list designed to inflict as much physical and mental pain on the bitchy skank SIl.

She deserves it of course.