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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel really very hurt by my SIL.

434 replies

Diddydollydo · 01/10/2012 21:28

My brother and his wife have just had their first baby (yay!), a beautiful little girl. I wanted to get them something special, or what I thought was special, so I started making a basket up for them a few months ago, adding to it when I could afford to.

I put in bodysuits, babygrows, a music box, teething ring, a couple of little dresses, little soft toys, practical stuff like nappies, wipes, muslins etc. I also made some wee trinkets for DN for when she is older (I make silver jewellery). I decorated the basket with ribbons and balloons and took it round on Saturday and DB and SIL seemed very happy with it. DB rang me when I got home to say thanks again.

Today at work, DB rang and asked me to drop by on my way home from work and pick something up that I'd left there. So he opens the door and we're chatting in the hall. SIL was in the living room and clearly didn't hear me come in as I hear her say 'Yeah, Diddy was here on Saturday. Yes a basket of crap then laughs. Sad DB was mortified and started to walk into the living room but I stopped him, said it didn't matter and left. She's just had a baby and I didn't want them fighting.

However, now I feel really hurt. I put so much thought into the basket and I know that perhaps it wasn't a fancy present but I thought she, in particular, would appreciate it. And most of all, I thought she was my friend. Am I being a twattish sensitive idiot?

OP posts:
perceptionreality · 02/10/2012 12:21

omg - what a mean thing to say. Of course it's normal you feel hurt - who wouldn't??!! Poor you.

lunar1 · 02/10/2012 12:21

What a complete bitch!

Did you know there is a new Furby out this year?

QuintessentialShadows · 02/10/2012 12:23

She is not sorry at all!

Do you think she wanted you to overhear, so as to educate you regards to future presents?

I mean, after all, she knew you were coming!

How about telling your brother: "Your wife is clearly very offended by the gift, why dont you bring it back and I will have a second go?"

If you DO get it back, buy one measly plastic joke Turd and send it back to her...

hattifattner · 02/10/2012 12:24

im tempted to suggest you send a txt to DB:

"thanks for suggesting to SIL that she apologise - she sent me a half baked one thismorning and I know that was down to you. Preganancy hormones huh! If she really doesnt like the basket, please give it back, and I'll get her a boring gift voucher or something. Can't wait to see DN again - what a little treasure she is - obviously takes after our side of the family :D "

ViviPru · 02/10/2012 12:24

This thread has been playing on my mind since I read it last night.

Don't worry too much about your brother, it's right that he is mortified really, and he'll get over it. You've behaved so well throughout all of this, it will probably only serve to strengthen your relationship with him. And hopefully now SiL has had a bit of a wake-up call wrt her behaviour, she might actually wind her neck in, and think twice before being such a heartless cow in the future.

helpyourself · 02/10/2012 12:26

You're all correct, but what's the benefit to the OP is holding on to those feelings?

QuintessentialShadows · 02/10/2012 12:27

No, she will be able to move on once she has sent her nasty sil a plastic turd. I can guarantee it will bring catharsis.

stifnstav · 02/10/2012 12:29

Id you mention thehalf arsed apology to your DB?

helpyourself · 02/10/2012 12:31

Grin Quint
In reality sending a plastic turd would not bring this to an end. SIL would feel hurt- I put my foot in it about a present, apologised and now I've been sent a turd.
OP hattifun's text is good, but without the last sentence.

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 02/10/2012 12:34

I would send everyones favourite reply to the text......

K.

frostyfingers · 02/10/2012 12:34

I would leave it - let her wonder whether you've accepted her "apology" and "moved on". At least you know where you stand with her, and not to waste any more time and effort on gifts to her. You can concentrate on your brother and niece instead. No amount of post birth hormones or tiredness can excuse her first statement, and certainly not her crappy text.

fedupofnamechanging · 02/10/2012 12:35

I don't think you should buy her any presents at all in the future, since she so clearly didn't appreciate the lovely one you gave her.

I would only buy for DN and DB from now on. Your poor brother - instead of being able to enjoy this time, he has to deal with the realisation that his wife is quite nasty.

As suggested above, I would send him a text blaming the pg hormones (even though we all know that having a baby doesn't give someone the right to behave like a bitch) and saying no hard feelings. But I would treat sil with civility rather than warmth and friendship in the future.

You have behaved impeccably over all this and not sunk to her level. She has lost more than she realises.

QuintessentialShadows · 02/10/2012 12:35

Sil deserves a potion of hurt. She brought it on herself for being a nasty catty bitch.

QuintessentialShadows · 02/10/2012 12:36

Yus, what Karma said.

elizaregina · 02/10/2012 12:36

Diddy you poor poor thing.

I wish i had a sil like you - both mine are tighter than ducks arses glued together.

I got a box of quality street from one sil and nothing from the other....then over the years she pased a few things off that mil got as her own.....and gave dd presents clearly stuff that was un suitable that she had in her " un wanted to pass on present draw"!!! she is - very very well off with no children adn a very good job.

amazes me how utterly spoilt and ungrateful people can be.

i feel bad that all that carefully thought out stuff is still with her.....or even thrown away...shame you cant get it back and donate it elsewhere.

please never ever give her a present ever again, tough about the so called fiendship but of course it clearly wasnt one!

hold your head high, move on ...without her as a freind....

PurplePidjin · 02/10/2012 12:36

Text her back with:

?? Looks like my phone ate your text as it came through garbled. Can you resend please?

And buy her some of those Lush bath bombs that leave glitter all over (i really do mean all over) for Christmas :o

elizaregina · 02/10/2012 12:47

"Your poor brother - instead of being able to enjoy this time, he has to deal with the realisation that his wife is quite nasty."

who ever the sil wasn talking too - has clearly been spoken to before about diiddy..she hasnt just suddenly turned on her - in the past any presents diddy may have given or just something about her - this woman has obvioulsy sneered at before....so i guess the DB has already heard this kind of thing before.....

it sounds to me like a case of....." well you know diddy - yeah yeah what else to expect - a basket of crap...."

it wouldnt suprise me if the DB knew or suspected anything she gave wouldnt be well received...

i would ask him how long she has had a problem with her for ..and why etc...

i just know men can be so totally useless in these situs.....as nice as her DB sounds...he could have given her a heads up - dont make too miuch effort with the baby...

diddl · 02/10/2012 12:51

God, so she didn´t even try to pass it off as a misunderstanding/joke?

I´d find it hard to face her again and I´d probably want to tell her that I was hurt.

Although I doubt she´d give a damn.

How about texting-"let´s not move on until you apologise properly you heartless, shallow bitch"?Blush

stifnstav · 02/10/2012 12:58

But OP has spoken to her DB already so a text would be pointless!

pigletmania · 02/10/2012 12:58

Print out this tread and leave it where she can see, she needs educating

RightBuggerforGOLD · 02/10/2012 13:01

Omg! I was going to say that some people me sometimes use the word 'crap' instead of the word 'stuff', with no inference on the value of the items being referred to at all, just a manner of speaking. But, having read her shit apology, in which she's just saying she doesn't give a toss and you need to get over it, I'd say she's clearly just a bitch. I wouldn't reply at all. Let her wonder. And don't spend time making such a lovely, thoughtful and useful present for her again. Some genuine tat from the pound shop will do nicely, so much the better if it makes an annoying noise!

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 02/10/2012 13:01

I think people are blowing this out of proportion a bit. Yes, the SIL said a really stupid, ungrateful thing which unfortunately the OP overheard. So now she's a spoilt bitch who the OP should never bother with again? Confused So no one on this thread has ever made an ungracious remark, said something they wish they hadn't, or would be extremely embarrassed about if the wrong person overheard? You're all a lot nicer than me if that's the case!

The apology was not great but the SIL didn't have the benefit of a decent night's sleep or 100 MNers helping her compose the perfect text/phone call.

Yes to feeling hurt but I don't think it's fair to judge a friend on one bad incident.

TroublesomeEx · 02/10/2012 13:03

I've never made an ungracious remark about somebody who had actually done a nice thing.

I've said plenty about people who've behaved like twats, but I've always been equally happy to say it to their face!

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 02/10/2012 13:03

Did you tell your brother that the text wasn't a proper apology?

Poor bloke, he must be so embarrassed!

ViviPru · 02/10/2012 13:05

SIL didn't have the benefit of.... 100 MNers helping her compose the perfect text/phone call.

More fool her.

I've dropped a MASSIVE clanger. AIBU to ask for advice how to word this apology text?