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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really very hurt by my SIL.

434 replies

Diddydollydo · 01/10/2012 21:28

My brother and his wife have just had their first baby (yay!), a beautiful little girl. I wanted to get them something special, or what I thought was special, so I started making a basket up for them a few months ago, adding to it when I could afford to.

I put in bodysuits, babygrows, a music box, teething ring, a couple of little dresses, little soft toys, practical stuff like nappies, wipes, muslins etc. I also made some wee trinkets for DN for when she is older (I make silver jewellery). I decorated the basket with ribbons and balloons and took it round on Saturday and DB and SIL seemed very happy with it. DB rang me when I got home to say thanks again.

Today at work, DB rang and asked me to drop by on my way home from work and pick something up that I'd left there. So he opens the door and we're chatting in the hall. SIL was in the living room and clearly didn't hear me come in as I hear her say 'Yeah, Diddy was here on Saturday. Yes a basket of crap then laughs. Sad DB was mortified and started to walk into the living room but I stopped him, said it didn't matter and left. She's just had a baby and I didn't want them fighting.

However, now I feel really hurt. I put so much thought into the basket and I know that perhaps it wasn't a fancy present but I thought she, in particular, would appreciate it. And most of all, I thought she was my friend. Am I being a twattish sensitive idiot?

OP posts:
SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 02/10/2012 13:06

I've seen plenty of OPs like that Vivi :) Full, unreserved apology is the only answer!

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 02/10/2012 13:09

Ooh I have a naughty idea, ask MN to promote the thread on their fb/twitter, reposted by lots of people, get it viral and she can read about how hundreds of women think she is a horrible lady... Wink
I am joking, dont really!

pigletmania · 02/10/2012 13:11

No slightly I have never ever made a remark like rpthat. Yes sil sounds like a proper piece of work. Are you her, slightly I wonder. Even if I had made that remark, a grovelling apology would have followed with a bunch of flowers and chocci. She does not give a toss

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 02/10/2012 13:14

No, I'm not the SIL!

elizaregina · 02/10/2012 13:14

unfortunalty in this occasion who ever sil was talking too sounds like she has already had the benefit of some sort of history hearing about diddy....i dont think its a one off.

even if you receive a gift off someone you really dont like i think you have to be pretty low - when someone has gone to this much effort not to seperate the sheer amount of care and thought gone into that gift...from general not liking the person and wanting to bitch?

if someone you are not keen on - or dont think much of - rolls up with true rubbish - you can say it was crap, but a lovely basket for goodness sake with at least " some items" she will be using like the wipes - you cant write that off.....without having a real distate for the bearer!

i would say her apology rams this home further. i am also very very suspicous of people like her sil, who have caused anguish who then say - lets move on....easy for them to say, they havant been on the end of thier own thoughtless brutality!

OP - dont respond - dont bother with her...mentally move her away in your head - someone to be nice and formal with - friendly for sake of db and dn, that is it. you cant trust her!

BrainSurgeon · 02/10/2012 13:16

OP I had a similar (kind of) instance when I got a text message from a so called friend, it was meant for someone else and it was being unkind to my DS (aged 3) Shock

It was the worst feeling ever. I cried. I replied "oh really" knowing she's on and iPhone and can see the entire conversation and the fact she sent me the text meant for a mutual friend.

She was mortified. We made up eventually, she apologised and tried to explain... I managed to laugh it off but - surprise, surprise - we aren't friends anymore.

It bloody hurts. YANBU

ChasedByBees · 02/10/2012 13:22

Awful comment and even worse reply. I'd reply with, 'Just after giving birth is about the only time you can get away with being so spectacularly rude so ok, let's move on.' and then yy to the present of an oxfam latrine, love that idea.

SomeoneThatYouUsedToKnow · 02/10/2012 13:22

I don't think the OP has much choice in how she responds to the text. It would be great if she could send something in line with what she thinks but,in reality, if she wants to continue having a relationship with her brother and niece she needs to suck it up. I'd suggest sending a reply that's very short. An earlier poster suggested 'K'. I think that's a good reply.

I am glad the OP's brother is being sympathetic but I wouldn't bother him too much about it as, ultimately, the DSIL has the power.
I hope having a good MN rant has helped Smile

MrsWolowitz · 02/10/2012 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameKewcumber · 02/10/2012 13:25

Slightly, I have never been rude about a present I was given except on MN and I was once given a felt tyrolean rabbit doorstop complete with plastic lettuce/cabbage in a basket over one rabbity arm. And if by chance the present giver of the rabbit were to read what I'd written on MN, I would abase myself with an apology and explain that I was exaggerating for comic effect when in fact I was very pleased with their thoughtfulness, that it was unkind and that I wouldn't do it again.

DameKewcumber · 02/10/2012 13:26

And the fact that this womans DH was so mortified by what he heard, to me indicates that the remark was very hurtful.

Herrena · 02/10/2012 13:33

elizaregina, I agree with you that it sounds like the SIL has been a bitch about poor Diddy before. I don't think telling Diddy that will help though :(

Diddy, at least she has now shown her true colours. Her behaviour and 'apology' were both terrible but better you find out that she's a two-faced cow now rather than later. I would have loved a present like yours!

skateboarder · 02/10/2012 13:33

she is a bitch.
you sound lovely
glad your brother heard her and was prepared to speak to her about it - it says alot about both you and your brother.

Quadrangle · 02/10/2012 13:36

She sounds unkind and you sound lovely.

elizaregina · 02/10/2012 13:37

herrena

i know its harsh for diddy.... but she has been outed as a cow - i dont think its a one off blip and she should adjust her beahviour to her sil - accordingly....ie...not being soft and going in for more pain, which unfortunalty nice people like diddy often do!

pigletmania · 02/10/2012 13:37

Thanks slightly Grin

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 02/10/2012 13:41

I've also never said an ungracious thing about someone who was being generous and kind. I've thought stuff . If I ever did get overheard saying something that could be construed a me being a bitch I'd explain and apologise properly

nipersvest · 02/10/2012 13:42

poor you diddy, the gift sounds lovely. so many people just don't get handmade or hand put together gifts. i spent one christmas sewing up gifts for all my nieces and nephews, altogether, it took me months. one of my sil responded 'all she could be bothered sending for christmas was some kind of soft toy she'd made'

now, i don't want to blow my own trumpet (ok, maybe a bit!) but i have had a craft book published, full of my designs for soft toys and regularly provide patterns for sewing magazines and craft kits. my book has sold over 10,000 copies, and yet my own family have absolutely no appreciation for what i do.

some people know the price of everything but the value of nothing.

DameKewcumber · 02/10/2012 13:46

At what stage do we start the auction for having Diddy as a SIL? I could scrape together a fiver...

ProphetOfDoom · 02/10/2012 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elizaregina · 02/10/2012 13:47

nipersvest

that sounds like jealousy towards you...

i remeber for my DD someone i harldy knew at work gave me a handmade little duvet thing - she had made it for someone else infact but by some default i got it - even THEN. i was soo touched and still have it now - and look after it.

Asmywhimsytakesme · 02/10/2012 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mollydoggerson · 02/10/2012 13:58

I wonder would it be acceptable to send a text back along the lines of:

Yes, lets move on for everyones sake, I'm sure you didn't mean to be so rude and dismissive.

poozlepants · 02/10/2012 14:00

Don't ruin your brother's time with his first baby over a row over what she said. In the grand scheme of things it may be hurtful but it isn't important. You have the measure of her now.
She was a bitch. People say all sorts of things that aren't meant to be heard but hey ho that's human nature. I agree her apology is rubbish but move on and don't dwell. I wouldn't make any effort to buy anything nice for the baby again.

I sympathise - I have overheard my SIl and MIL talking in uncomplimentary terms about me and mine before but I have chosen to ignore. However I will never ever trust them again.

financialwizard · 02/10/2012 14:07

What an ungrateful thing to say. Fwiw I would have been over the moon when I had my DD2 for something like that.

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