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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do whole families go to parties where only one of their children is invited?

124 replies

BlueCanary · 30/09/2012 19:20

I understand that if you are a single parent or your DP is otherwise engaged/working, and if you have no family nearby, you may need to take all your children to a party which only one of them has been invited to. I have had to do this a number of times, although I make an effort to make alternative arrangements if possible, especially if the party is being held in someone's house/small venue.

But why do whole families (Mum, Dad, and all children) go to parties together, when obviously only one sibling has been invited? Presumably (BF babies apart) one parent could stay at home with the uninvited siblings, whilst other parent takes the invited DC??

I just don't get it. Its totally inappropriate and selfish for parties at peoples (small) houses, and also really odd when older siblings come along to parties completely unsuitable for their age (I'm thinking of soft-play parties where both parents have come and dragged along pre-teen DCs!!). I can see the point of taking age-appropriate siblings to soft play parties (paid for spearately), with DP to help out, but the rest of the time its bonkers IMO.

OP posts:

UnChartered · 30/09/2012 19:23

so, your DC is invited to a party, but you (on occasion and by your own admisstance) took other DC/s along and are wondering why other people do it?

answer your own question, perhaps?

UnChartered · 30/09/2012 19:23

@ typo 'admission' or 'admittance'

Sparklingbrook · 30/09/2012 19:24

It used to really wind me up. If the whole family can go, one of them could stay behind and look after the uninvited siblings surely?

BizarreLoveTriangle · 30/09/2012 19:25

I took 13 yo dsd2 along to a soft play party for my 5 yo last year. It was the last weekend I would get to spend with her before we went off on our separate holidays so I didn't want to leave her at home alone.

Original poster

BlueCanary · 30/09/2012 19:25

I took my other DC along because my DH was away, and I had noone to babysit.

I am talking about parties where BOTH parents come PLUS all their DCs.

At a party I went to yesterday (in someones small house), there were 3 families there (Mum, Dad & DCs) - and not becuase they were friends of the family. Odd IMO.

OP posts:

BizarreLoveTriangle · 30/09/2012 19:26

Sorry, she's 12 (if that makes a difference!)

Original poster

BlueCanary · 30/09/2012 19:26

Exactly Sparkling!

OP posts:

MrsWolowitz · 30/09/2012 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RobotLover68 · 30/09/2012 19:27

there was a really good thread recently where the OP had a really small house and the whole family turned up (6 of them I think). The family had form for this and the husband wouldn't let them through the door. Apparently they all sat in their car on the drive until the party ended!

mum11970 · 30/09/2012 19:28

May be they only had a short bit of family time and party was slap in the middle of it, or perhaps they were going on somewhere else together after??

Inneedofbrandy · 30/09/2012 19:30

Ive noticed this! I assumed the mum couldn't drive and dad didn't want to do it on his own.. Maybe without being bitchy it's there only social life and it's like a day out? Have no idea I 9 times out of 10 sort out other arrangements if dp is busy, and Lways rig and check first.

DigestivesWithPhiladelphia · 30/09/2012 19:30

I agree with you. When my DS had his 4th party at a soft play centre (where they also had lunch and we paid per child) one of the other mums asked of she could bring her son's two year old sister. She did say "you don't have to get her food" but I felt uncomfortable at the idea of a two year old being excluded from the food & cake part of the day, so I paid extra for that and also made her a seperate party bag that was suitable for her age.

I didn't mind doing this as I assumed that the mum must have tried to arrange childcare for the sibling but couldn't and I imagined age probably felt awkward about having to ask. On the day, she turned up with DS's friend, the younger sibling AND her DH. I did think "WTF? I've paid out to have another child that I wouldn't have invited, when the little one could have stayed at home with her dad". I never really understood it & I made a mental note not to invite that little boy to any more parties.

Original poster

BlueCanary · 30/09/2012 19:30

If you want family time, don't go to a kids party. If they were going somewhere after, why not pick the rest of the family up on way from (local) party.

OP posts:

blisterpack · 30/09/2012 19:31

YANBU. I can't think of why both mum and dad has to come ever. There is a family I know where both of them come for EVERY party. No other children to bring though but even one extra adult ALL the time? They both drive too.

TCOB · 30/09/2012 19:32

We did it today. DH and I were helping with the party. Don't think it's especially weird.

Sparklingbrook · 30/09/2012 19:33

It's not 'family time' if one member of the family is leaping about in the soft play and eating birthday cake while the rest of the family watch is it?

brettgirl2 · 30/09/2012 19:33

I think its because they have boring lives and nothing better to do. I have taken a baby to an older dc's party to give dh some quiet time (I think its ok with a non mobile baby tbh). But to all turn up is strange yanbu....

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 19:34

DH and I work opposite each other, every day of the week one or other or both of us is working, we get a few hours together on a saturday before I got to work for a late shift for example. These are our ONLY times together and the only few hours a week that DS sees both of us in the same place at the same time! So if we both happen to be off during a party DS is going to (rarely happens though) we'll both go as we have NO OTHER TIME to do anything at all together

Original poster

BlueCanary · 30/09/2012 19:34

TCOB - its different if there is a specific reason and/or you are close friends/family.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 30/09/2012 19:34

TCOB, I think that's fair enough. I think we are talking about the ones that sit and add nothing to the party and then scoff loads of party food.

DigestivesWithPhiladelphia · 30/09/2012 19:36

I agree that a young baby is fine - they are not old enough to 'join in' so won't feel excluded. At the party we had, the soft play bit was actually pretty small, with the food table right next to it. So if I hadn't paid for the two year old she would have had to sit & watch the others plating party games & then eating food and cake without her.

mum11970 · 30/09/2012 19:36

Blue, i was only trying to think of reasons why, there's no chance you'd get my dh near a kid's party. Have to take siblings along on occassion though.

OptimisticPessimist · 30/09/2012 19:37

I was going to give the lone parent angle (I have had to do it on occasion but always clear it with the parent first), but for both parents plus extra children to come is a bit weird.

Tweasels · 30/09/2012 19:37

There has been a couple of DS's parties where parents have sat siblings down at the table for food - without asking!

Now, don't get me wrong, I would have offered anyway and don't mind but I wouldn't dream of doing that myself.

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 19:38

The reality is usually more like one of us will take DS to the party while the other is at work in the morning, then the other will arrive half way through the party and "take over" to allow the other to dash off to a late shift, and we'll only both be there for about 5 mins!

but why should we loose our "window" of being in the same place at the same time if the timing of the party allowed? we spend enough time taking DS to things just one or other of us! - I often have to go to baby scans without him, and I've NEVER seen DS do some of his activities because its never me taking him!

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