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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do whole families go to parties where only one of their children is invited?

124 replies

BlueCanary · 30/09/2012 19:20

I understand that if you are a single parent or your DP is otherwise engaged/working, and if you have no family nearby, you may need to take all your children to a party which only one of them has been invited to. I have had to do this a number of times, although I make an effort to make alternative arrangements if possible, especially if the party is being held in someone's house/small venue.

But why do whole families (Mum, Dad, and all children) go to parties together, when obviously only one sibling has been invited? Presumably (BF babies apart) one parent could stay at home with the uninvited siblings, whilst other parent takes the invited DC??

I just don't get it. Its totally inappropriate and selfish for parties at peoples (small) houses, and also really odd when older siblings come along to parties completely unsuitable for their age (I'm thinking of soft-play parties where both parents have come and dragged along pre-teen DCs!!). I can see the point of taking age-appropriate siblings to soft play parties (paid for spearately), with DP to help out, but the rest of the time its bonkers IMO.

OP posts:

ProphetOfDoom · 30/09/2012 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 20:03

Because you are not invited, halloweeny.

?
up to a certain age parents are expected to stay! another adult isnt the same as an extra child!

I've definitely not met anyone as anal about parents at kids parties as you in RL

cerealqueen · 30/09/2012 20:04

I'm worried now for Dds first party and hordes of people in our tiny house. Can we have a doorman and invite only??

cerealqueen · 30/09/2012 20:07

yes ragwort exactly that scenario is what I dread!

Ragwort · 30/09/2012 20:07

Charlotte - do you let your DC dictate your shopping list - I too find it really odd that families shop together (I am not talking about single parents who have no option) - how on earth can it be considered 'family time' - I can understand taking one child with you, talking about food, learning how to price etc etc but whole families milling around and getting in the way of everyone else. I was extremely judgey yesterday when I was shopping in a supermarket, a family was blocking an aisle with a horrible ten year old shouting and screaming at his mother about 'what he wanted' for his packed lunches, it was horrendous, the mother made no attempt to discipline in and the father stood on watching and doing nothing; I am confident enough to say excuse me and push through but some elderly folk were literally cowering with embarrassment. I vaguely know the family and there are no SN before someone brings that up.

Anonymumous · 30/09/2012 20:08

SparklingBrook, here's the reason we go on family outings to the supermarket: because I can't drive (medical reasons) and DH can't shop! Oh, and we actually quite like going shopping together and it was a free country last time I looked. At any rate, it doesn't compare to turning up to parties uninvited!

DowagersHump · 30/09/2012 20:09

Soft play I can understand if families go along (well I can't because to me they are places I wouldn't dream of going unless I absolutely had to) but going to other people's houses and hanging around for 2 hours as a couple is unbelievably rude IMO

beanandspud · 30/09/2012 20:10

Surely there is a difference between bringing additional, uninvited children to soft play and expecting a meal/free admission/party bag and both parents bringing a single child to a party?

DH and I frequently both go to parties with DS as do other parents. Usually it's a chance to have a coffee with some of the other parents and have a chat.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 30/09/2012 20:11

everyone gets a say in the sundry items.
do you want grapes or bananas?
cakes are reduced - chocolate or carrot?
orange squash or blackcurrant?
Wenslydale or Cheddar?
45 minutes in and out. no-one complains about the food all week.

some of you lot must be shopping amateurs if a week's shop is a big deal

miaowmix · 30/09/2012 20:13

I think it's incredibly rude for siblings to turn up at parties, especially when the siblings line up at the end and put their hands out for party bags (this happened to me). Inconsiderate of space, amount of food, and just sheer number of people.
If I knew a parent well and they phoned to ask me in advance as they had no option of course i'd let them, am not that mean. But I don't get why say a ten year old would want to hang out at a 5 year old's party for example.

cerealqueen · 30/09/2012 20:14

At what age would you expect parents to drop off and run? I left Dd1 at a party when she was 3.5 and hope for her 4th, which won't be a grand affir, the parents will make themselves scarce!

Anonymumous · 30/09/2012 20:17

There are some weird attitudes on here regarding children in supermarkets. Personally I have never experienced families getting in my way in supermarkets - it always seems to be unfeasibly fat ladies blocking half the aisle with their bulk and the other half with their trolley. Maybe we should ban fat people and trolleys from supermarkets too? Not to mention the supermarket staff stacking the shelves and getting in everyone's way - I mean, how dare they?

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 20:17

"But I don't get why say a ten year old would want to hang out at a 5 year old's party for example"

I assume its not about the 10 year old wanting to go to a 5 year old's party, more likely the 10 year old is too young to stay home alone and there's noone available to mind him/her! and the 5 year old birthday child's parents didn't want a drop'n'run party just yet?

Sparklingbrook · 30/09/2012 20:17

Well that's me told. That's why I do my shopping on a weekday morning at 8.30am.

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 20:18

cerealqueen I would say from reception probably?

I'ld be miffed if someone dropped and ran at a toddler/preschool party!

miaowmix · 30/09/2012 20:20

well to be honest most of the 5 year old parties DD goes to ARE drop and run now, so that's the norm. Unless the parents make it a social affair and offer booze, and specifically invite parents to stay. I suppose I assume there's always something else the other siblings could be doing but I probably live in a bubble!

HiHowAreYou · 30/09/2012 20:20

This year we organised a party for DD's fourth birthday.

I bought the food and drink etc. On the day, I was really surprised that the dads didn't come too, only the mums. Then the mums didn't really eat. I had all this extra adult food!

I'm like the anti-you OP!

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 20:22

have had older siblings at DSs parties but he's not drop'n'run age yet, at a drop'n'run I'ld find it really annoying if older ones were left too!

Floggingmolly · 30/09/2012 20:25

How old is your DS, halloweeny? If he's a toddler, you're probably not quite as unreasonable as you sound

alwayspregnant · 30/09/2012 20:26

I try to take the whole family if it's at soft play. I don't include my uninvited DCs in the party bit, pay for them myself and DH takes care of them whilst I look after the invited DC. I would never take them all to someones house or to a hall unless I knew the person as a family friend.

ihearsounds · 30/09/2012 20:27

I don't let the parents settle. I usher them out, reminding them what time to collect. I also make it known when they rsvp that they drop off dc and leave.

I have taken my other dc's with me on occasion, as we often drop off dc and go and do something fun ourselves.

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 20:33

he's at preschool, not been to a drop'n'run party yet (can't wait for that day )

but when DC2 (not born yet) starts getting party invites I will struggle with childcare for DS as usually DH will be working if I'm not (or I'll be working if he's not) and it is really really hard to arrange non regular childcare (nearly had to not attend a job interview recently due to not being able to find one off childcare) so it'll be tricky, but I will say that I would NEVER just turn up with an extra child and all of the older siblings that we've had at DS's parties were asked about by text before the party

Floggingmolly · 30/09/2012 20:36

Ah g'wan then, I'll let you off

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 20:37

and when we have 2 kids, if the party happens to fall on a blue moon (i.e. when we're both off work at the same time) it'll be a nice chance for one of us to have some 1:1 time with the non-invited one

but for now we would both go if both off (not that we often are)

and probably will ask to take 2 when we have 2 and only one of us is off but would probably gauge it, i.e. no point in asking for a paid for per person activiy but IMO not so bad in a church hall with unlimited space/numbers (all of the parties round here so far for DS's age are church/community hall ones)

AllPastYears · 30/09/2012 21:07

"I understand that if you are a single parent or your DP is otherwise engaged/working, and if you have no family nearby, you may need to take all your children to a party which only one of them has been invited to. "

Why? Unless the child who has been invited is 1 year old, why can't you just leave them there alone and take your other children somewhere else?

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