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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do whole families go to parties where only one of their children is invited?

124 replies

BlueCanary · 30/09/2012 19:20

I understand that if you are a single parent or your DP is otherwise engaged/working, and if you have no family nearby, you may need to take all your children to a party which only one of them has been invited to. I have had to do this a number of times, although I make an effort to make alternative arrangements if possible, especially if the party is being held in someone's house/small venue.

But why do whole families (Mum, Dad, and all children) go to parties together, when obviously only one sibling has been invited? Presumably (BF babies apart) one parent could stay at home with the uninvited siblings, whilst other parent takes the invited DC??

I just don't get it. Its totally inappropriate and selfish for parties at peoples (small) houses, and also really odd when older siblings come along to parties completely unsuitable for their age (I'm thinking of soft-play parties where both parents have come and dragged along pre-teen DCs!!). I can see the point of taking age-appropriate siblings to soft play parties (paid for spearately), with DP to help out, but the rest of the time its bonkers IMO.

OP posts:

StellaNova · 30/09/2012 19:38

It's so tricky. I haven't invited siblings for the first time to DS1's fifth, whihc is in our house, because it would double the number of kids at the party/ party bags/ pass the parcel layers etc, and it would mean he couldn't have as many of his own friends there.

I did feel quite mean though as some of them have invited both mine to their children's parties. But really, eight children is one thing, 16 is quite another, if they are of an age to want to join in.

Sparklingbrook · 30/09/2012 19:39

Why anyone would want to go to a children's party when they didn't have to is quite beyond me.

MerylStrop · 30/09/2012 19:40

Depends

Parties often at weekends and for some people its the only time they get to spend together

Doesn't bother me, the more the merrier, nice opportunity to catch up with the other parents. When we have parties at our house we invite the whole gang, especially if it is good friends.

Noqontrol · 30/09/2012 19:41

I think its a bit weird. Dd had a party recently and 6 extra children turned up. 2 parents let me know that they needed to bring a sibling with them, the other 4 just turned up. And still expected food and party bags. Its quite rude really.

Floggingmolly · 30/09/2012 19:42

Maybe they only had a short bit of family time.
Why the hell would you have your family time in the middle of someone's party?! Decline the invite, ffs.

Leena49 · 30/09/2012 19:45

I had this happen a couple of weeks ago. It was my dds party aged 7. I had paid for 10 kids to have a pamper party. It was aimed at a specific age group. The my dh s brother turned up with his wife and youngest dd aged 2. their older dd was invited to the party and they said 'oh I just thought the youngest could join in aswell' I instantly felt bad and they stayed continually making reference to the fact that their youngest felt left out but I had booked and paid for a specific number of kids.
If it had been held at my house I wouldn't of minded one bit but it was a pre booked party at a venue and hosted by staff.

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 19:46

"Why the hell would you have your family time in the middle of someone's party?! Decline the invite, ffs"

why should DS miss out on the party?

its nice to both see him enjoying something at the same time! I've never seen him do the activities DH takes him to and DH has never seen him playing with some of his little friends who I take him to.. we mostly just have to do "hand-over" like nurses changing shifts, we rarely get to both watch him enjoying something at the same time, we never both get to go to his little pre-school events

what's wierd about wanting to both see our child have fun at the same time?

WofflingOn · 30/09/2012 19:46

How odd, I have never known this happen at any party I have run, or been to or that my child attended. Perhaps it is a recent development? Over-entitled parents and their children, no one is allowed a treat that isn't accessible for all?

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 30/09/2012 19:48

I stay with my ds at parties as he is ASD and needs extra help in mutifarious ways. I have never encountered any difficulties from other parents over this, nor would I expect to. Some very odd people on this thread IMHO

Sparklingbrook · 30/09/2012 19:49

Well it was alive and well when DS1 was little-he's 13 now. he did a list of people he wanted to invite, then all and sundry turned up.

blisterpack · 30/09/2012 19:51

Karlos are you deliberating misunderstanding the whole point of the thread?

Floggingmolly · 30/09/2012 19:51

Why should ds miss out on the party?
Because that's what's called having your cake and eating it, halloweeney
Maybe next time my kids are going to a party I'll bring along a mobile hairdresser and have my hair done in the middle if someone's living room - I don't have to waste any time and my kids get to party at the same time. Result!

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 19:52

how is it harming anyone who isn't a bit strange?
we don't need party bags we're adults!

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 19:54

I personally always think that one of the nice things about DSs birthday parties is that we get to meet his friends' parents, why not both of them?

DeWe · 30/09/2012 19:55

I've never had unexpected siblings, and I don't think ever both parents and siblings. Obviously if the parents are helping that's totally different.

However if people say they're bringing siblings, I generally wouldn't expect to do party bags or food. When we've done food we've generally found it easiest to do it in food boxes. The children like that too.
So the only way a sibling gets food is if there's a no-show and they take that box, and they wouldn't get the party bag because I'd save it for the missing child. I don't generally do my own dc's siblings party bags either though.

I did one time scrabble around and manage to raise a party bag with one older sibling who had been very helpful and caring for the smaller ones.

I also don't get when in A&E you get a whole family including siblings. Surely if it's so worrisome both parents need to be there, then you need someone else to look after the siblings? My observation is that generally either the siblings are left to run riot, or both parents end up constantly chasing/buying food etc. for the bored well ones.
The children's A&ER only has space for about 12 people to sit down so when you have both parents and siblings, it fills it up very quickly. I remember one time when a family came in with both parents, teenage brother, and uncle on a busy Friday night. Nurse took daughter (age 17, she told the whole waiting room very vocally several times that she should be in the adults) into the triage and came out having put a plaster on... They then went to enter a complain as to how long they'd had to wait.

Floggingmolly · 30/09/2012 19:56

Because you are not invited, halloweeny. (I'm sure I've met you in real life...)

Sparklingbrook · 30/09/2012 19:56

Don't get me started on family outings to the supermarket too. Both parents and all the children. Just why? But that's another thread too.

WofflingOn · 30/09/2012 19:57

Karlos, so has mine and so did I, but I asked beforehand and didn't add random others.

OwedToAutumn · 30/09/2012 19:57

When a child is 4 or 5, unless they are very shy (which a few are) or there are major health issues, there is no need for parents to stay at all. I really can't understand why they do. And bringing the rest of their DC is just rude! (IMHO)

treadonthecracks · 30/09/2012 19:58

I sometimes take the other DC to softplay parties, but pay for them to get in and buy their lunch.

I have a friend who always takes both children and her DH to these types of parties, she is quite over protective of her DCs and feels it needs both parents to look after them.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 30/09/2012 19:59

i was waiting for the supermarket to get brought into it.
we go as a family, because we all like to have a look and see what we fancy eating. the children do not scream, it does not take us hours, why would it bother you?

TheSydenhamSet · 30/09/2012 19:59

free food

Sparklingbrook · 30/09/2012 20:01

It might take me hours if i was behind you all choosing what you fancy eating in the aislesCharlotte.

halloweeneyqueeney · 30/09/2012 20:01

DeWe who is this someone else who is always available?

we have a list of babysitters but sometimes none are available, the "emergency" childcare facility here actually doesn't take non pre-registered children, not many childminders will do one offs..

as you can prob tell we don't have retired and sitting around waiting for our call family nearby, we have friends who work too and aren't always free when we need them, and babysitters and back up babysitters but still can't always get someone when we need them!

its a big deal when your child is in a&e even if to the nurses its just something run of the mill! so we both rush there and if we have another child in tow and noone free to mind em then we'll take our other child!

Ragwort · 30/09/2012 20:01

But what if the party is in someone's (small) living room? Two extra adults make a big difference; you might feel it isn't harming anyone but most hosts will feel obliged to offer a drink/food/small talk and also if parents are around I have found that some children can 'play up' and not get invoved with the games/tea etc and I might feel a bit of a twat organising the games etc with a load of onlookers.

Fortunately I never had 'extra' guests at my DS's parties and the few parents that offered to stay if it was in a village hall type place would always help out but I think it is a huge imposition to stay at a child's party.

If it imposes on your 'family time' just decline the invitation.

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