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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder - is it normal to feed you children cheaper food than you eat yourself?

418 replies

Mrsbiggs · 30/09/2012 13:36

We (OH, me and 5 of our various children) had corn on the cob with dinner last night. DS (15) and DD (13) said "we aren't allowed to have this at dads - its "adult food"".

I was a bit Shock and asked them what they meant. Apparently their dads OH (they have been together 4 yrs I have never met her but she has caused many many issues, and destroyed a once amicable and friendly divorce) - buys economy food for the children ( she has 2 DC of her own) and finest food for her and the kids dad. They have Heinz beans and the kids have value range, at BBQ's the kids are only allowed a burger or a sausage, not kebabs or chops etc and they aren't allowed pudding (and have to watch the "adults") eat theirs, and they are not allowed to talk at the dinner table Hmm. The adults have chops etc while the DC have pasta bake.

Am I right in thinking this is appalling, and bordering on abusive or do other people do this?

OP posts:
WofflingOn · 30/09/2012 14:07

I assumed it was all the children. Confused
OP, can you clarify?

Littleprincessrocks · 30/09/2012 14:07

They aren't allowed to sit on the sofa?!
I was not allowed on it in jeans at stepmums as it was beige and brand new, but in trousers I was allowed. I thought that was a bit mean. But Never allowed is not on!

fedupofnamechanging · 30/09/2012 14:07

The beans thing, just sounds like she doesn't value the kids enough to give them the brand which tastes nicer.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 30/09/2012 14:08

This is absolutely disgusting! Angry

If they are being treated generally like second class citizens (which is sounds like with the sofa thing) then yes i think it is abusive.

WorraLiberty · 30/09/2012 14:09

My DH will only eat Heinz beans and can instantly tell the difference between them and Smart Price.

My DS can't tell the difference and quite honestly wouldn't care.

Therefore if he ate beans regularly I'd buy him the cheaper ones and save the Heinz for DH.

It makes perfect sense to me.

squeakytoy · 30/09/2012 14:09

"The parents get Heinz and the kids are less important so they get smart price"

Well yes, adults are more important in my view.

If it was ice cream, give any child the choice between a huge portion of cheap ice cream or a small portion of haagen daz, and I bet I can predict which most of them would choose.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 30/09/2012 14:09

Yes but you keep saying about choice.

They arent given a choice.

StillSquiffy · 30/09/2012 14:10

My Dad used to get a 'steak' once a month and it was a really special treat in those days, just for him (we were piss-poor). That I can totally get.

But value vs finest all the time? She is taking the p big time. Which of course is good, because you look like a God in comparison simply by treating your kids normally.

If it were me I'd be very tempted to send them over there next time with a carrier bag full of their own 'finest' food to eat whilst at hers. Totally point-scoring, but if she's messed up the amicable relationship, then whats to lose? That'd give her a bum-face that your kids would relish. Perhaps you could add that if ex-H sends you more CSA money, then you will be able to send across some bean bags for them, too.

DameFanny · 30/09/2012 14:10

I wouldn't want my child thinking the choice was quantity of cheap or small amount of expensive - recipe for obesity.

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs · 30/09/2012 14:11

It's the other way round in my house. My children eat the best and I will have what is left over.

squeakytoy · 30/09/2012 14:12

"They arent given a choice"

They also arent bothered either, so the OP says..

WorraLiberty · 30/09/2012 14:12

Kids don't need to be given a choice necessarily.

We buy for our kids what we think they need/want but only to a sensible degree.

If my kids wanted fillet steak I'd tell them I can't afford it for everyone...but that doesn't mean DH and I should never have a fillet steak until the kids leave home.

Meglet · 30/09/2012 14:12

No, we eat the same type of food too.

I will only buy organic meat so we don't eat meat very often but as an ex-veggie I don't want to feed them 'normal' meat. Don't usually eat together though as my nerves can't take it.

HeadingHome · 30/09/2012 14:13

I tend to go the opposite way. My DD (18 months) doesn't get crap like tomato sauce but likes a bit of really nice chutney with her steak. She gets the best looking fruit in the fruit bowl and the last bit of the smoked salmon. I tend to look out for good quality everything for her but I'm less choosey for my husband and I (on occasional treats). And, yes, she loves her babychinos... But she's not "spoilt" and has manners and never grabs or assumes something is hers. She know maltesers are "not for kids" Wink

Lueji · 30/09/2012 14:13

since when has any child NEEDED meat to grow up??

Sorry, I should have said protein. :)

Tailtwister · 30/09/2012 14:13

The only time I have heard of this is from previous generations when the best cuts of meat etc were kept for the husband. As he was (usually) the main breadwinner, he was seen to need the best nutrition.

I can't see the reason for doing that nowadays though. It seems a bit mean to keep the premium quality foods for the adults, especially when it comes to meat etc. I would assume that most people would want their children to eat the best they could offer, as they are the ones who are growing etc.

Egusta · 30/09/2012 14:14

Generally Baby-Gusto gets exactly what we eat (including salmon, steak, squid etc), but last week I made Beef Wellington for us and guests, and the baby had a good quality sausage wrapped in pastry with the same veg on the side. But that was becuase we had guests and I thought fillet steak might be wasted on a 2 year old.

Mind you, we do not always eat steak/salmon etc.... usually it is grilled something and veggies!

TidyGOLDDancer · 30/09/2012 14:15

Some of the posts on this thread are making me feel really sad. :(

Thumbwitch · 30/09/2012 14:15

I think it's pretty bad form.

DS eats everything the same as we do, unless I buy luxury chocolates for myself, in which case they are All Mine. He's 4.10 but he likes all the foods we do (apart from cooked mushrooms when he can see them - he doesn't like the sliminess).

I think the sofa thing is disgusting as well.

Blu · 30/09/2012 14:18

What WofflingOn said.

Including the spinelessness of your ex.

LadySybildeChocolate · 30/09/2012 14:18

I think it's the intent behind this, rather then the fact that they are being given value food. It sounds to me as though the SM is bullying them, especially as they are not allowed to sit on the sofa. She's using food as a way to mistreat them, making them watch as the adults eat desert just isn't on. She may not be hitting them, but she's still hurting them.

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs · 30/09/2012 14:19

Ah see, my kids get to eat the fruit and veg and meat. I will eat a potatoes and pasta and then their leftovers. To me they are growing and need the nutrition, and I am adult and I can cope without.

Original poster
Mrsbiggs · 30/09/2012 14:19

They are well behaved, respectful, polite young people and certainly do not run riot here over our furniture Hmm.

It's all the DC although one of her DC has left home after being put into care aged 13 - by her mother.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/09/2012 14:19

and the baby had a good quality sausage wrapped in pastry

That'll be a sausage roll then Grin

WorraLiberty · 30/09/2012 14:21

Seriously though if all this is true and your DH knows his kids are being made to sit on the floor and fed low quality food...and if you think it's borderline abuse...why on earth are they living there?

Surely your DH would be fighting to get his kids out of this situation?

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