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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder - is it normal to feed you children cheaper food than you eat yourself?

418 replies

Mrsbiggs · 30/09/2012 13:36

We (OH, me and 5 of our various children) had corn on the cob with dinner last night. DS (15) and DD (13) said "we aren't allowed to have this at dads - its "adult food"".

I was a bit Shock and asked them what they meant. Apparently their dads OH (they have been together 4 yrs I have never met her but she has caused many many issues, and destroyed a once amicable and friendly divorce) - buys economy food for the children ( she has 2 DC of her own) and finest food for her and the kids dad. They have Heinz beans and the kids have value range, at BBQ's the kids are only allowed a burger or a sausage, not kebabs or chops etc and they aren't allowed pudding (and have to watch the "adults") eat theirs, and they are not allowed to talk at the dinner table Hmm. The adults have chops etc while the DC have pasta bake.

Am I right in thinking this is appalling, and bordering on abusive or do other people do this?

OP posts:
FoofyShmooffer · 30/09/2012 13:46

It's one thing the DCs having the cheaper alternative because they don't want what you're having.
Another thing altogether to give them no choice whatsoever.

I agree with Worra (what? Really?) can they be relied upon to be telling the whole story?

Original poster
Mrsbiggs · 30/09/2012 13:46

They wouldn't lie about it - and it fits in with other things like having to sit in the floor and not being allowed to sit on the sofa Hmm.

They know they don't have to go - they tell me they want a relationship with him in spite of her.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 30/09/2012 13:46

I think it's different if you know they won't like the more expensive food because they have plainer tastes, for example.

And I do it to save money if I think the food would be wasted on DS, but mainly if it's good enough for me then it's good enough for him.

blisterpack · 30/09/2012 13:46

Seems like a lot of hassle more than anything else. I'm not sure the story is entirely accurate. Maybe it happened once or something.

cantspel · 30/09/2012 13:47

but corn on the cob is not expensive but no i would never feed mine cheap stuff whilst we have an expensive meal but i do often do different diner for everyone as we dont all like the same stuff.
Last night we had ribs and wings, youngest had steak as he doesn't like wings, oldest had cold meats as he doesn't like ribs, wings or steak. My kitchen is a bit like an all day cafe Blush

eurochick · 30/09/2012 13:47

She needs reminding that the children will be choosing her nursing home when the time comes...

Graciescotland · 30/09/2012 13:47

That is horrible, not sure if it's abusive if they're getting proper well balanced meals. It must be pretty bad for their self esteem though.

OrangeImperialGoldBlether · 30/09/2012 13:48

I had a thread on exactly this a while back. Big mistake. I'm one of nine children and I was remembering how occasionally my dad would have lamb chops and we would have sausages.

We loved sausages. Chops were probably four or five times as expensive. There was no way eleven of us could have had chops. Personally, I think it was right that occasionally he had lamb chops! Was he to go through his life without a chop, ffs?

DameFanny · 30/09/2012 13:48

Generally speaking, ds has had better quality food than I would get for myself. Sweets etc I wouldn't count as food. I do however get basics range as if you look at the ingredients it hasfewer than the pricier ones, which is healthier in my book. I'm talking about genuine basics here, not basics trifles or whatever.

If we have pudding, we have it together. If I don't want ds to have sugar too close to bedtime (he's only 8 and sometimes it keeps him awake) them we don't have it where he can see it.

So your ex isn't being abusive. Selfish, disrespectful, rude would cover it I think?

LadySybildeChocolate · 30/09/2012 13:48

Are they not 'allowed' to see their father out of the house? Can't he take them for lunch somewhere?

squeakytoy · 30/09/2012 13:48

Do they sit on the floor because the sofa is already taken up with adults sitting on it, or do they have to sit on the floor even if nobody is on the sofa??

Again, adults should take precedence. I wouldnt expect an adult to sit on the floor while the kids got the sofa either.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 30/09/2012 13:48

Surely more hassle than it's worth? Cooking two types of beans? Hmm Why?

FoofyShmooffer · 30/09/2012 13:49

Ah x-post.

Poor bloody kids caught between a rock and a hard place. Sad

Original poster
Mrsbiggs · 30/09/2012 13:49

I have no issue with value/cheap food - its the differentiation I have issue with.

OP posts:
juneau · 30/09/2012 13:50

My stepmother was like that - she and my dad would eat steak while we got sausages (and I HATE sausages!)

My DSs get the same as us - as long as they actually like it. If not, I'll buy them something else, but it's never deliberately cheaper.

blisterpack · 30/09/2012 13:50

OrangeImperial, I think your thread was different though (if it's the one I'm thinking about) because you said that having better food should be an advantage of being an adult and children need to wait for that. Nothing about the children not liking dad's food. Apologies if yours is a different thread.

Shock at not being allowed to sit on the sofa. They sound lovely.

Original poster
Mrsbiggs · 30/09/2012 13:50

They are not allowed to sit on the sofa - end of.

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 30/09/2012 13:51

They aren't allowed on the sofa? What the actual fuck?!?

wannabedomesticgoddess · 30/09/2012 13:51
Shock

There have been times recently where me and DP have ate crap or not eaten at all so that DD has a proper meal.

I would never give her something that I am not prepared to eat myself. As for watching the adults eat dessert...there are no words.

Ofcourse sometimes the kids get a different meal due to different tastes. But corn on the cob is adult food? FGS

nkf · 30/09/2012 13:52

Is it one of those households wehre nobody takes the bubble wrap off the new sofa?

Original poster
Mrsbiggs · 30/09/2012 13:52

It's new - apparently (but at least 4 yrs old now) Hmm.

OP posts:
ihearsounds · 30/09/2012 13:53

The only time I do that is with chocolates. I am too selfish to share the hotel chocs with anyone. I buy them and stash them, but don't flaunt it in front of dc's.
Can they not be encouraged to question this. Why they are treated like second class citizens, and to be reminded that at your you treat them as equals.

squeakytoy · 30/09/2012 13:53

I can think of plenty of reasonable justification for adults having the higher quality food on occasion.

For example biscuits and crisps. My stepkids would go through them like a plague of locusts. To most kids quanity is preferable to quality. To most adults it is the opposite way around.

So I would get plenty of own brand biscuits and crisps, which they happily had, and hidden in the cupboard would be more expensive brands for me or my husband, which would not disappear so quickly.

When children are old and are paying the bills, they can choose to buy the luxury goods if they wish.

FoofyShmooffer · 30/09/2012 13:53

Going off Imperials post ^^

Is she really being the wicked step parent? Or is she purely re enacting how she was brought up? And their Dad going along with it for peace sake?

Born2bemild · 30/09/2012 13:54

No, not better quality, and not for teenagers. At the weekend, we might have treat after kids are in bed though.