To wonder - is it normal to feed you children cheaper food than you eat yourself?

[Mrsbiggs]

We (OH, me and 5 of our various children) had corn on the cob with dinner last night. DS (15) and DD (13) said "we aren't allowed to have this at dads - its "adult food"".

I was a bit and asked them what they meant. Apparently their dads OH (they have been together 4 yrs I have never met her but she has caused many many issues, and destroyed a once amicable and friendly divorce) - buys economy food for the children ( she has 2 DC of her own) and finest food for her and the kids dad. They have Heinz beans and the kids have value range, at BBQ's the kids are only allowed a burger or a sausage, not kebabs or chops etc and they aren't allowed pudding (and have to watch the "adults") eat theirs, and they are not allowed to talk at the dinner table . The adults have chops etc while the DC have pasta bake.

Am I right in thinking this is appalling, and bordering on abusive or do other people do this?

I didn't realise how old they were, sorry iceberg

Yes, definitley old enough to choose what to eat and cook it themselves.

Sorry :(

She likes Herbal Essences for the nice scent. I have found that the only shampoo that doesn't leave my hair either greasy or frizzy is John Frieda brunette shine stuff.

I get through a tube of conditioner every third hair wash (waist length thick hair), and shampoo every 6th wash.

DD's seems to last her about 8 weeks. She washes her hair twice as often as I do, too!

But if she asked for John Frieda, I'd get it for her.

I do sometimes buy myself more expensive snacks - but that's because I give them the choice of what crisps and biscuits they choose, and they go for multipacks of crisps and value biscuits whereas I tend to choose a single cake and a pack of cheese lets!

They get the choice, that's the difference. And I wouldn't buy cheaper for them, if I need shoes and so do they, they will get properly fitted, decent shoes - their school shoes are from Clarks and were roughly £39-£45 a pair. My budget for my own winter boots is £20 max.

Their feet are still growing, and mine aren't.

I'm not a martyr to my DC's, but I do believe that it is divisive and borderline abusive to treat your DC's as somehow 'lesser' and not as 'worthy' of nice food etc.

But this is maybe because I was the child that was treated like that, knew how it felt, and don't want my DC's to feel like that.

Part of my problem is that I have always fed the DC's what the adults were eating (I 'did' BLW 14 years ago with DD, before it even had a 'name'), and I used to have considerably more money and therefore my DC's got used to what I would now term 'posh' food.

They would choose the luxury food every damn time, given the choice. Except for snacks, when they DO go for quantity over quality. But for dinners, they would choose quality every time.

It does make it harder now I have a significantly lower income, and am having to shop a lot more carefully.

No more venison or duck unless it is reduced. No more lamb. Though I do buy cheaper diced lamb and do a slow cooked stew, it just isn't the same as minted lamb chops, roast new potatoes and baby corn and tender stem broccoli.

My DC's have expensive tastes! All my fault, should have fed them chips and nuggets every night when they were little!

ice I can understand that to be honest, we don't have lots of money but I don't tend to scrimp on food. However if I were to add two more late teens to the mix who wouldn't eat the same food as us I'm not sure I'd be able to afford expensive burgers/ pizzas for them without cutting back on things for everyone else.

However if mine have pizza it's a cheap one, the same as if me and dp have it. They like it plain so after all it's only cheese, bread and tomatoe so I'll buy Asdas own 3 for a fiver rather than pay £5 for one.

the reason why i prioritise my kids food over mine,is they have no choice in how we live. i do.

granted its rare for me not to eat and if it happens its because of how far away the nearest shop is and bad planning. but thats my bad planning not theres.

to those of you calling the ones who would go without martyrs. would you seriously leave your kids hungrey if the choice really was them or you? when you had kids did it not occur to you that it makes you responsable for a more vulnerable persons welfare?

Oh please, you know well no-one here is saying that they let their children starve while they dine on lobster, so don't be so precious.
The martyrs are the ones saying they'll give their portion of prawns to the children and eat toast. Give everyone some sodding prawns (because you obviously have plenty of food budget if you're buying stuff like that) and stop being such a martyr.

And you know, when I had children, it never ever occurred to me that I was responsible for their welfare. Thanks so much for showing us the way.

Thats ok Tantrums. Never been called nasty before!

I think this thread has made me see nastiness where none actually exists :(

Sorry again

I guess I'm the martyr giving second helpings of prawns to my kids. We had 12 massive king prawns, stir fried 6 of them for the kids, so 3 each. They asked for more, felt bad saying no the rest are for me and daddy, so I cooked the rest and they ate it. I didn't realise that made me a martyr. Maybe when they are older we can explain that it was for everybody to share, but they are both under 4, so it feels a bit mean to deny them a healthy, different (we don't have prawns that often) food when they are really enjoying it and asking for it enthusiastically.

Anyway this was how I was brought up (in another country where there is no difference at all between adult food and childrens food, everybody eats the same, and the most nutrious parts of the meal are served to the kids first) and that doens't makes me a martyr, maybe just someone brought up with a difference food culture to here in the UK.

I do hate the whole kid food and adult food thing. Ive seen how it has made my stepchildren eat. I really hope I can make a difference with my daughter without being too uptight! I really really really dont want her to eat like them.

I think the problem is that the StepMum in the op is making these kids feel unwelcome with 3rd rate food - she feeding them with a shitty attitude, or at least that's how it sounds and that is pretty crap for them. The most important thing is that they see their dad, I'm sure the lack of good food over a weekend won't kill them - I'd make light of it at home.

We feed our dcs the same food as we have but I don't put their needs above ours - I see all our needs as being important - I certainly wouldn't be giving them my dinner because they liked theirs so much, they'd get something else to fill up on. I feel it's important they know other people have needs too, too many children are me, me, me! Having a celebratory steak while the kids are in bed is perfectly fine - feeding your kids shit processed freezer food everyday while you have freshly cooked food is not.

i wasnt being sarky or precious. just asking a question and wondering where you would draw the line on martyrdom.

i wouldnt describe the prawn suituation as such.but then again to me food is just food and wouldnt expect my kids to eat food i wouldnt deam good enough for me.

The other day, the only ice cream that DS said he liked from those available in the supermarket was one by Haagen Daz. Well, as I was going to buy a pot myself, of another flavour, why should I tell him that he was only allowed cheaper stuff???

Who said that they don't have good taste?

He's 7 and prefers fish to meat, for example.
He doesn't like prawns, so he doesn't have them. Fine.

Gosh, yes, send them with a food parcel. With enough to share - so they can say "Dad, SM, we know you can't afford nice bread for us all so we've brought some for everybody! "

I'm not sure why people are thinking in extremes as in your children are either eating gruel whilst parents order in from Harrods or that mum is licking the newspaper after the fish and chips are gone.

Simply because it is AIBU and a measured response is unacceptable

No its not normal but it goes on more than you think. My auntie would do the exact same with her children - it was that bad in her house that she had locks on the food cuboard and locked the kitchen. Food was a luxury to tem and Im not exagerating. All of my couzins have now grown up into obese adults. Because they were deprived of food when they were older they gorged and gorged.

MrsBiggs my DC are 13 and 15 and 100% know the difference in taste between top and bottom of the range food and which is the comfiest spot on the sofa

Its neither here nor there that occasionally people eat food of different quality whichever direction its going in. As a policy to give your DC lower quality food and tell them they cant sit on the floor is utterly vile especially at that age because they are totally aware of it.

In my case my DD is my height and my DS 6ft 3 and I simply cant imagine telling them they have to sit on the floor or watch me eat a steak while they have a plate of cheap sausages.

My DC go to their Dads every other weekend and I would be horrified if this was going on but I think its a credit to you that they just laugh it off and go anyway but I really feel for you. I imagine you have said they dont have to go if they dont want to ?

Oh as an aside I know foster parents who do the separate food thing - unspeakable