To wonder - is it normal to feed you children cheaper food than you eat yourself?

[Mrsbiggs]

We (OH, me and 5 of our various children) had corn on the cob with dinner last night. DS (15) and DD (13) said "we aren't allowed to have this at dads - its "adult food"".

I was a bit and asked them what they meant. Apparently their dads OH (they have been together 4 yrs I have never met her but she has caused many many issues, and destroyed a once amicable and friendly divorce) - buys economy food for the children ( she has 2 DC of her own) and finest food for her and the kids dad. They have Heinz beans and the kids have value range, at BBQ's the kids are only allowed a burger or a sausage, not kebabs or chops etc and they aren't allowed pudding (and have to watch the "adults") eat theirs, and they are not allowed to talk at the dinner table . The adults have chops etc while the DC have pasta bake.

Am I right in thinking this is appalling, and bordering on abusive or do other people do this?

I live in a south European country and restaurants here don't really have kid's menus.

If anything they'll have a children's buffet, which is cheaper, because they know children eat less, but, oddly, at one restaurant it actually allowed more and better food than the cheapest adult buffet.
Or they offer half portions, but then the adult portions are usually so big that we can often feed a child and an adult (me) from one.

Weird. I wonder where they'll draw the line. Will one be allowed corn on the cob one day but not the others?

Don't be so ridiculous it's not even close to borderline abusive!!

Petty and annoying yes. Abusive no.

on the steak subject if we have steak in this house most of us will have sirlion i have one dc who really enjoys fillet and when i was with my ex he couldnt tell the difference between basic frying steak and fillet (or anything inbetween) he would also refuse to eat anything unless it was covered in ketchup so he would get a large bit of frying steak the dc who loves fillet would get one of those and the rest of us would have sirlion. but thats one of our irregular treats.

i dont think anybody is saying that doing something different/cheaper for the kids once in a while either due to commitments or if the adults dont normally get to go out and are having a date night/special occasion meal or if the adults are having something the kids dont like.(mine apsolutly hate thai green curry i eat it once a month the kids have a normal none spicy curry using the same type of meat i make my curry from)

i know that i personally think to never allow your dc's or sdc's anything that wouldnt constitute what lots of people would concider to be kiddy gack insisting every meal they have is processed cheap crap that you personally wouldnt be prepared to eat yourself and despite them wanting them even saying no to none luxury vegtables because they are to good for the children whilst you eat good quality tasty food is abusive.

thats also the impression im getting from other posters who also think its not on.

At what point does it become abusive then?

ive said perfectly clearly the point when i concider it to be abusive

I think it becomes abusive when the intention is to deliberately withhold food or comforts which everyone enjoys because the person with the money and power thinks the children don't ever deserve them.

I think that when there is an ebb and flow in a family, when sometimes the children/adults/vegetarians/wine drinkers/chocoholics will be indulged and sometimes they miss out because it's someone elses turn, that seems OK to me. It's part of learning that everyone likes different things at different times.

My children hate fish. I do my best to keep introducing small amounts to their diet and takes steps to address the nutritional gap that this leaves. However, I do not believe that my choice to continue eating fish myself is in anyway abusive.

I too think this is selfish and vile, but both my children have said it happens int he families of many of their friends - usually in families where the parents have a separate dinner hour...

It seems there are two sets of food though - which means the kids aren't "worth" the "adult" food - not an ebb or flow.

I struggle with that.

And I would struggle with that too.

There's a difference between having adult yoghurts (big pots) and child yoghurts (cartoon packaging and smaller pots) if the children prefer the child option. But to choose "Finest" cherry yoghurt for yourself and "Value" cherry yoghurt for the children, is plain weird. And is abusive when the children become aware of that difference.

The 15 and 13 year old.....when will they be allowed to have the corn on the cob? When they are adults? Or will they be told that if they want it, they have to buy their own, as I suspect?

I have toyed with sending them with a food parcel - or a Pritt Stick to swap a few labels around .

Send them with a luxury hamper of expensive cheese and pre cooked meat...and label the lot!

I would definitely send them with a bag full of Fortnum & Mason M&S grub :o

What Bigfatlegs said

that would be an intresting experament. i wonder if they would be able to have it or if the adults would steal it.

I doubt that the SM would steal it Sock but I rather suspect she would spend the weekend fuming :o

either way it would be very entertaining

Or just send them with 3 sets of sweets every week (it would do my head in if my step kids mum did that) .

Bigfatlegs. There may not be "grown up food". There are definitely "grown up meals" occasionally, as I said. You know like, a date, time alone, bottle of wine. It's good!

Borntobemild - that's very different to separate loaves of bread, beans, cereal, and being made to eat bruised fruit.

I think so. A few other posters seem to disagree.

From a psychological point I think the SM wants to send a message that the children are not valued and that money shouldn't be wasted on them, even if she doesn't want to send that message that is what is happening.

It's me, me, me and I am above you [the children] and separate.

Sometimes we feed the children earlier fishfingers etc and then once they are in bed we have an expensive steak. Is this ok? Because actually the kids do know now that we do this. But its a nice romatic thing to do.

Awful and abusive esp for teenagers, what sort of message is that?

Ok to give kids different food if they prefer it (ie I wouldn't want to eat DS2's smiley potato faces) and also ok to have a steak for dinner occasionally later if DC are in bed (clearly this is only applicable for younger DC). Also ok to buy say nice chocolates and not show the DCs.

But to eat nicer food in front of teenage DC and not share, totally not acceptable, and I would tell the DC that I did not think that this was fair and that they should raise it with their father.