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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder - is it normal to feed you children cheaper food than you eat yourself?

418 replies

Mrsbiggs · 30/09/2012 13:36

We (OH, me and 5 of our various children) had corn on the cob with dinner last night. DS (15) and DD (13) said "we aren't allowed to have this at dads - its "adult food"".

I was a bit Shock and asked them what they meant. Apparently their dads OH (they have been together 4 yrs I have never met her but she has caused many many issues, and destroyed a once amicable and friendly divorce) - buys economy food for the children ( she has 2 DC of her own) and finest food for her and the kids dad. They have Heinz beans and the kids have value range, at BBQ's the kids are only allowed a burger or a sausage, not kebabs or chops etc and they aren't allowed pudding (and have to watch the "adults") eat theirs, and they are not allowed to talk at the dinner table Hmm. The adults have chops etc while the DC have pasta bake.

Am I right in thinking this is appalling, and bordering on abusive or do other people do this?

OP posts:
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 01/10/2012 20:45

MrSunshine because lamb chops are much nicer than crappy pizza which is filled with additives.

But I expect you'll now say "Oh but these were HAND MADE and I cooked the dough myself!"

In which case, you're being deliberately provocative. And unless you have ignored the whole thread you KNOW why it's selfish.

MrSunshine · 01/10/2012 20:58

I did actually, handmake the pizza including the dough, as I do every Friday.

You could still argue that lamb chops are far superior, I know I would. We don't have to be entirely selfless you know,as parents. We are people too. I had acquired a few lamb chops, not enough to feed us all and certainly we can't afford to buy such things regularly. We think that as hard working parents, we sometimes do deserve something nice that we don't share. It's no different to going out to dinner and leaving the children with babysitters. Just as we very often treat the children to things we don't have ourselves.

There are no prizes for mother-martyrdom, you know. We can be selfish sometimes.

bebanjo · 01/10/2012 22:09

this is how i grew up, only on a sunday did we all eat the same, and only because it was the only time we all eat together.
as children we would have pot noodle, fish fingers (cheadest) sos roll ect. Mum and dad would have chops, pie stew ect.
mum said we wouldn't like it anyway, but we never got to find out.
also she had a stash of "goodies" we weren't supposed to know about.
so yes i believe it.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 01/10/2012 23:05

See Sunshine? You think they don't know...but they do.

MrSunshine · 01/10/2012 23:20

What do you mean, I think they don't know? of course they know, I tell them. They get treats that I don't, and vice versa. There is no problem here, though you seem determined to find one.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 01/10/2012 23:21

I'm not determined to find one. There is one! You just won't see it.

IneedAsockamnesty · 01/10/2012 23:28

mrsunshine.

do you do this with most evening meals or just once a week?

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 01/10/2012 23:33

And what do you mean "I tell them"? You go up and say "We're having chops."??

Odd. And mean.

It is. Going out for a meal is different. Eating as a family is important. Obviously sometimes we can't all eat together....but if something special or nice is bought for a meal...it's shared with all the occupants.

Not only with the biggest.

BlueSkySinking · 01/10/2012 23:36

We all eat the same family meal here. On odd occasions if we are running late I might give the kids beans on toast and put them to bed, only for us adults to have a cooked meal later. I do tend to save nice things for my kids also - apricots, raspberries, a slice of my friends birthday cake, tastey left overs for the lunch box etc.

BlueSkySinking · 01/10/2012 23:38

Can you check how accurate your info is? Jokingly say ''DS tell's me that he eats xxx while you eat xxx. that can't be true can it''

MrSunshine · 01/10/2012 23:39

Go up where? What are you talking about lady? I talk to my children. They ask me if I'm eating pizza with them, I tell them I'll be eating chops with their father later. We eat together a lot of the time and sometimes we don't.

You are one of those people who can't see past their own opinion and experience at all, it seems. You assume a lot, and you assume wrong. And it makes you look incredibly foolish.

And if you can make 3 small lamb chops stretch to 6 people, well fair fucks to you you can't though

Smeghead · 01/10/2012 23:45

Nope, its wrong, end of.

Occasionally I will buy a cake or a pudding that is just for us, and the kids will be told that it is just for us but we dont eat it infront of them and I will point out that they have XYZ treats so we are going to be selfish for once! They dont mind because they really do get far more treats and they know it. In fact when I bought a bar of chocolate each for them as a treat last weekend, DD2 and 3 both wanted to share theirs with us as we didnt have one!

But to buy value food for the kids and premium food for yourself is wrong and yes, it could be considered abusive. It is telling a child that they are not as important, that their happiness isnt important and that they arent worth spending money on.

Nice way to totally fuck up a childs self esteem and self image.

Smeghead · 01/10/2012 23:50

Ooops, I should say that the kids never get lamb chops for 2 reasons.

1, they really arent bothered and would rather have chicken!

2, they are very expensive so are comparable to steak in "treat" terms.

Sorry, 3 reasons...

3, i only buy them when they are reduced and there are never enough for all of us so I buy them as a treat for me and H when the kids are at their Dads place.

I would never eat them in front of the kids while they have pasta with pesto Hmm

Lovecat · 01/10/2012 23:54

Given that she (the SM) seems to make a point about it, then it's really mean and nasty and, yes, abusive in that it sends the message that they aren't worth nice food.

Having said that, DD doesn't like steak (she's tried it, it didn't go down well), she won't eat anything that involves noodles, rice or spices and she adores pizza (which DH and I try to avoid - too carby). She also prefers bangers to the 'proper' meaty sausages - again, we've given her them and she really doesn't like them. She will also only eat fish in breadcrumbs. So, twice a week or so, she will have pizza or plastic sausages or fish in breadcrumbs while we have steak or curry or stir-fry. We do try her occasionally with the 'good' stuff but so far she prefers the cheapo option. I daresay someone could look at that and say 'ooh, mean parents', but given that she would be miserable (and hungry) if we gave her a plate of what we have, that would be far meaner!

BruisedFanjo · 01/10/2012 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 01/10/2012 23:58

Sunshine You said that they went to bed and then you had chops. So OBVIOUSLY I meant "Go. Up. The. Stairs."

Lady.

BruisedFanjo · 02/10/2012 00:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trixymalixy · 02/10/2012 00:04

It depends what the food is. The kids can't eat curry or Chinese food due to allergies, so we'll have a takeaway sometimes when they're in bed, while they will maybe have had pizzas as they enjoy making them themselves. I also would draw the line at buying the kids fillet steak as they wouldn't appreciate it.

If we're having something expensive they do appreciate like smoked salmon and prawns, I'd usually hold some of my share back in case they want more.

I'd never sit in front of them eating something and not let them have some though. If there's no puddings they can eat because of allergies, which happens quite often, we wouldn't eat any either.

AdoraBell · 02/10/2012 04:01

The only time I give the DDs different food is if there's something someone doesn't like (DDs hate mushrooms, peppers give me indigestion) or if DD1 is having smoked salmon and scrambled eggs with us, DD2 doesn't like it so she just has eggs. 99% of the time we all eat the same. I do remember being given fish fingers while my parents had proper food lamb or pork chops, and boy did I notice itEnvy

AdoraBell · 02/10/2012 04:06

Oi, Trixie my kids appreciate fillet steak, bleeding cheek saying DCs wouldn't appreciate itWink. It's much cheaper here in south America and my DDs have developed some potentially expensive food habitsShock. Last week we were having pasta and DD1 said wistfully "oh, I really fancy a juicy steak" she's 11!

TellMeLater · 02/10/2012 06:26

Mil used to cook steaks for her and Fil and the dcs got Pot Noodles.

I think loads of people do this, I get comments from other mums saying they don't bother giving their kids good quality food because they don't appreciate it - processed freezer food - chicken nuggets, waffles and beans for the kids - freshly cooked food for the adults.

pigletmania · 02/10/2012 06:44

Nothing wrong with that mrsunshine, it's not every day, and I am sure your dcs have the same as you most time, and you dnt treat them as second class citizens, unlike what is happening in the op. Actually dd would prefer pizza than chops. Tonight we are having Chinese take a way and dd having curry from yesterday as she does not like Chinese food.

pigletmania · 02/10/2012 06:45

When we have steak, we all have steak, dd loves steak. Must make mental note to buy some

pigletmania · 02/10/2012 06:47

Bruised fanjo, hw do you do that as chops have very little meat

Born2bemild · 02/10/2012 07:00

I can't believe some people think it's abusive to have a grown up meal together with food and wine on a Sat night when you can't go out!

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