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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that a 3 year old girl shouldn't be in nappies

599 replies

missymarmite · 29/09/2012 21:39

Quick background. I have 1 DS 9, we live with DP and his eldest DD 10, and we have his other two DD, 7 and 3, every weekend from thursday/friday to sunday.

The 3 year old had her birthday last month. I put my foot down and took the executive decision to try toilet training her. Every time before that, I mentioned it to DP he said it was up to his XW to sort it as the resident parent. So one day I just put her in some old knickers and let her run round outside in a dress. She got a bit upset when she wet herself, but over the next couple of weekends she began to get the hang of it. You can tell when she needs to go, because she kind of holds herself down there. At night and when we go out we put nappy pants on her and then she doesn't ask for the toilet, but in knickers she does.

DP told XW that she won't ask for the toilet when in nappy pants, but she has made no effort whatsoever to toilet train her, despite the fact that she only works part time and has every weekend child free, while both DP and I work full time and are exhausted most of the time, we still make the effort.

Am I BU to be frustrated and annoyed at this woman?

OP posts:

EionMcLove · 29/09/2012 22:11

YABU and officious and deliberately provocative and you have damaged the relationship between yourself and a woman who you have to actually get on with for pretty much the rest of your lives. Two of mine were trained before 24 months, the other was 3.5. The world didn't implode.

lunar1 · 29/09/2012 22:12

Who the hell do you think you are.

This is why people have such a bad opinion of step parents.

You have no rights to do this.

My DS toilet trained about 3 weeks after his third birthday and it took about 4 days.

You run the risk of this childs mother trying to reduce contact with he father. Keep out of things that are none of your business.

Viviennemary · 29/09/2012 22:13

I think three is old enough to be toilet trained unless there is some sort of problem. And I don't think YABU to want the child to use a toilet instead of nappies at the age of three. It's the Mother who is in the wrong here I think.

WorraLiberty · 29/09/2012 22:13

i'm just pouring a night-cap, anyone else want one?

Yeah like we're going to trust that drink after the 'Malteaser' we have you....

Floggingmolly · 29/09/2012 22:14

Doesn't matter how difficult it is or isn't, Edgar, it's none of the op's bloody business. The unadulterated cheek of it!

WorraLiberty · 29/09/2012 22:14

*gave

CookingFunt · 29/09/2012 22:14

Of course UnChartered here you go. I won't have a night cap thanks as I PMLed and need a wash.
Perhaps OP could train me.

UnChartered · 29/09/2012 22:15

you nasty nasty MNers

crackcrackcrak · 29/09/2012 22:16

The way I see it - they can either control the muscles to stop the flow of wee or they can't. Dd looks horrified if she wees with no nappy on, clearly cannot stop and gets quite upset. So I will not be pt just yet.

I just don't see what the rush is anyway - dd too busy playing/singing/swimming/living. I'm not slightly worried - I know she will be out of nappies eventually, long before she goes to school.

choceyes · 29/09/2012 22:16

Yabu.

3 is still within the normal range. My ds was in nappies till 3.3yrs and a couple of months later was dry at night too, and hardly any accidents at all. Because that's when he was ready.

Trazzletoes · 29/09/2012 22:16

YABVVVVVVU. For all the reasons stated above. She is not your child. It is NONE of your business. Butt out.

And congratulations for no doubt pissing off the XW. I would be livid if I were her.

Northernlurker · 29/09/2012 22:16

'It's the Mother who is in the wrong here I think.' - ooh yes that naughty Mother. Fancy her making decisions about how she is raising her dcs when her ex's partner can do it SO much better.

crackcrackcrak · 29/09/2012 22:17

And I 'only' work part time and dd has contact at weekends.........bad me!

Blu · 29/09/2012 22:17

oooh, Malteaser

EdgarAllanPond · 29/09/2012 22:18

that's my point molly - people are getting defensive over their own kids PT age, and other PT methods, when that has bugger all to do with it.

this is a SM/ M thread.

mamij · 29/09/2012 22:18

On average, girls aren't usually toilet trained until 4 years old and boys can be up until 6 years old! So she is in the 'normal' age range.

So, YABU if you feel that all 3 year old girls should be out of nappies by the.

BabylonPI · 29/09/2012 22:19

Well my dd2 is 3 and still in nappies - I'm not worried, why should you be OP?

Did no one mention about all children being unique??

We really need a emoticon.

yellowkite · 29/09/2012 22:21

VVU, my health visitor once gave me an excellent piece of advice when I phoned her worried sick about ds and toilet training because he was 3, and everyone said he should be out of nappies, and I was lazy, or he was undisciplined. And everytime I took the nappy off he pissed all over my carpet and sofa for three days on the trot, and he got upset and cried, and I cried.

My health visitor told me 'you know what yellow, my son was in nappies until he was 4 and now he's a lawyer', she told me to leave him be and when he's ready it will just happen. 3 months later he was dry in under a week, 3-4 months after that he was dry at night with no waking up up for wees.

3 is perfectly within the realms of normal, it is not your place as the weekend parent to start toilet training and you are seriously treading on toes. If you were my childs step parent I might have thumped you.

KurriKurri · 29/09/2012 22:21

This is a reverse one right? - got to be a reverse AIBU,

Yes OP your exH's new wife is a crazy lady who needs to mind her own bloody business, and not interfere with your parenting. Did she really say 'executive decision'? - Wow plenty of arrogance there!
Oh and yes, it's fine for your DD to be in nappies at 3, she'll be ready soon enough, - but you'll know that having 3 kids and all.

Viviennemary · 29/09/2012 22:21

Can't believe girls are 4 and boys are 6 before they are toilet trained. I'm not feeling too argumentative as I've only had half a glass of wine. DH drank the rest.

Shutupanddrive · 29/09/2012 22:22

Notice the op hasn't been back yet
YABVVVVVU!!!!

WixedUpMords · 29/09/2012 22:22

The mother may be like me.
I learned from experience

I now have all of mine trained
The easiest was the last who I really left
He has only ever had two accidents and one of them was when he was ill. He was also dry at night pretty well straight away. The two middle ones still aren't and I pushed them earlier On. Wish I bloody hadn't

ThreadWatcher · 29/09/2012 22:24

Is this a reverse aibu?

If not yabvvvu op!

lunar1 · 29/09/2012 22:25

At least this thread has reminded me of one thing. If DH runs off and leaves me while our children are still young i must run round telling horrible lies about what an unfit parent he is and how my boys would be unsafe in his care. Anything to stop a woman like you getting a foot in their lives.

EdgarAllanPond · 29/09/2012 22:26

i'd love to see the study on that one!

i'll say it again: PT isn't the issue. it is about how ok it is not to adhere to another womans way of doing things whilst in charge of her children.

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