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Original poster

to think that a 3 year old girl shouldn't be in nappies

599 replies

missymarmite · 29/09/2012 21:39

Quick background. I have 1 DS 9, we live with DP and his eldest DD 10, and we have his other two DD, 7 and 3, every weekend from thursday/friday to sunday.

The 3 year old had her birthday last month. I put my foot down and took the executive decision to try toilet training her. Every time before that, I mentioned it to DP he said it was up to his XW to sort it as the resident parent. So one day I just put her in some old knickers and let her run round outside in a dress. She got a bit upset when she wet herself, but over the next couple of weekends she began to get the hang of it. You can tell when she needs to go, because she kind of holds herself down there. At night and when we go out we put nappy pants on her and then she doesn't ask for the toilet, but in knickers she does.

DP told XW that she won't ask for the toilet when in nappy pants, but she has made no effort whatsoever to toilet train her, despite the fact that she only works part time and has every weekend child free, while both DP and I work full time and are exhausted most of the time, we still make the effort.

Am I BU to be frustrated and annoyed at this woman?

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 30/09/2012 19:11

do you actually know how many reception class teachers keep stashes of spare underware at school due to the ammount of kids who have accidents.

lots. and thats happened for decades when it was normal to start PT as early as 6 months

Sirzy · 30/09/2012 19:11

DS still uses a dummy at bedtime. His pediatrician knows this and doesn't have a problem (infact he has encouraged keeping it until after winter) but hey you know better with alllllllllll your experience!

CecilyP · 30/09/2012 19:12

^The child should choose their own potty or toilet seat something they feel comfortable with and their own pants and then the child should be offered an incentive to use the potty/toilet (reward, sticker, praise) whatever motivates the child. They should not be dragged there they should go on their own it should be non threatening and non confrontational.

Rubbish - if potty training can't be done in 2 days they aren't ready, what tosh, lazy parenting! I have 2 children and 2 stepchildren. Parents just won't commit to the hard slog that is potty training g^

Make up your mind, GenerationGap, is it easy peasy as implied in the first paragraph or the hard slog referred to in the second?

yellowkite · 30/09/2012 19:13

Who mentioned a teacher changing the nappy? Some kids won't be ready the day after their 3rd birthday, most will be ready before 4 though and before school. Some will still have accidents, I went to school in the 80s and remember kids having accident in reception.

Things don't always fit into your neat and tidy little box, you can't put a cut off point of 3 years real life just doesn't work like that. I know this because I know people who have had 4 kids 3 of them out of nappies at 2 and the fourth 3.5 becsuse they were ready later. Unless you've experienced a child who still has no bladder control at 3 you haven't got a clue.

GenerationGap · 30/09/2012 19:16

Cleaning accidents is a hard slog and yes it isnormal for potty training g children to have them. The problem is adults give up after a few days of accidents, however they will not last longer than 2 weeks and most children over 2 are totally dry within a week but you've got to stick it out. People just want everything to be easy

yellowkite · 30/09/2012 19:16

I just hope that when you have grandchildren you don't start calling your dd or your ddil a lazy parent if their child isn't out of nappies by your timeline. I know it's all been a bit of a joke but actually you calling people lazy is actually very rude and insulting and really blinkered.

OptimisticPessimist · 30/09/2012 19:18

You know when my parenting was lacking? When I persevered in training my clearly-not-ready well over 3 year old DS1 because he should be trained (HV's words). He had daily wee accidents and pooed in his pants for eight months because she told me that if I put him back in nappies I would confuse him and set him back further. He had no fear of the toilet or anything, just no real awareness of his bladder/bowel and he didn't care about getting his pants wet or dirty. One day, at 3y10m, he took himself to the toilet and did a poo. His accidents stopped literally overnight. Because at that point he was ready.

You know my parenting wasn't lacking? When I followed the cues of my DS2 and noted that at 3y6m his bladder would hold large amounts of urine, he had some awareness that his bladder was full but had not yet gained control over releasing it. At 4y1m, when he had gained that ability, he toilet trained in one day with no accidents.

You when else it wasn't lacking? When DD came downstairs at 2y9m, announced that she wore pants now and I supported her in getting on with it. She also took one day, albeit with accidents for the first couple of weeks - genuine accidents not incontinence like DS1.

You can shove your "2 week" method up your arse. Mine takes one day, TYVM.

GenerationGap · 30/09/2012 19:19

I'm sure my children will agree that 3 year olds in nappies is undesirable.

GenerationGap · 30/09/2012 19:22

One day at age FOUR in a child without special needs is not something to crow about!

yellowkite · 30/09/2012 19:23

Wow your ignorance knows no bounds you've even got neat little boxes alloted for your children.

Exactly opptimist that's what some people just don't get, when the bladder control just isn't there you cannot do a lot because they cannot hold their wee and don't know when they're going.

Anyway just a wave to all you fellow lazy parents who's parenting is lacking. We should start a club or something.

IneedAsockamnesty · 30/09/2012 19:23

adult children will often smile and nod.

MmeLindor · 30/09/2012 19:24

Optimistic
Ignore. Don't engage with her. She's goading you

yellowkite · 30/09/2012 19:24

You know what generation I think you should shut up now because you are speaking of things you know nothing about and are overstepping the mark.

OptimisticPessimist · 30/09/2012 19:24

Given that I spent 8 months training his older brother with no success it was a fucking revelation. He wasn't ready at 3 and half. His body wasn't ready. I know this because I watched him and I listened to him. Nice of you to spectacularly miss the point.

yellowkite · 30/09/2012 19:25

And agree optimistic don't take her bait

CecilyP · 30/09/2012 19:25

Cleaning accidents is a hard slog and yes it isnormal for potty training g children to have them. The problem is adults give up after a few days of accidents, however they will not last longer than 2 weeks and most children over 2 are totally dry within a week but you've got to stick it out. People just want everything to be easy

I stuck to it longer than 2 weeks and it did not work. I put DS in back in nappies for a month and tried again - no accidents, no cleaning - he was ready.

yellowkite · 30/09/2012 19:26

I've reported generation

GenerationGap · 30/09/2012 19:27

I was under the impression that Optimistic was goading ME by telling me to stick my method up my arse!

OptimisticPessimist · 30/09/2012 19:27

Yes I know pet peeve of mine, this topic Grin

Sirzy · 30/09/2012 19:28

most children over 2 are totally dry within a week

Can you provide a link to the scientific study proving this. preferably one containing more than 2 children.

GColdtimer · 30/09/2012 19:29

GG, why do you actually care so much about this? Really? Surely most parents wi know if the child is ready. I tried with dd2 and she has absolutely no awareness of when she is having a wee and no interest in doing it. In fact I started pushing it, probably because of judgey people like you and she got really upset at all the accidents. And you call me lazy. To what criteria are you basing this "all children should be trained by 3" dictate on?

EauRouge · 30/09/2012 19:29

So I'm lazy because I didn't force DD1 to continue potty training before she was ready but if I'd continued I would have been cruel to force her even though she was getting so upset? So I have the choice between lazy or cruel.

Loving your magic potty training tips btw. Hey, you should suggest to supermarkets that they slice bread before they sell it- think it'll catch on? Grin

MmeLindor · 30/09/2012 19:29

No. Generation. Constantly asserting to people who have said that they waited to PT their children that they are lazy - that is goading.

Northernlurker · 30/09/2012 19:32

If the OP came back I'm sure she'd find a lot in common with Generation.

IneedAsockamnesty · 30/09/2012 19:35

ive had kids pt compleatly at ages between 18 months and 3 years from day of deciding in a couple of days a week tops accident free. 2 of my special needs kids have never had any accidents all of my none sn kids have never had accidents.

given that my youngest pt child (apart from the lf asd dc's) is 13 and my eldest are adults (other dc is a baby) i can say with all honesty the ones who were younger when they decided to pt are no more intelligent or emotionally stable than the ones who were older it makes no bloody different.

as you are well aware you are goading,you have been told many times you are why are you carrying on doing so? its rude obnoxious offensive and makes you look like a fool