to not want in-laws to come first thing on Christmas morning?

[SofaKing]

FIL and step-MIL asked if they could come up for Christmas this year, they live in SE England and we are in Scotland. They are staying at a hotel, as we have 3 in a 3 bed house we don't have room for them to stay with us, but the hotel is only ten minutes walk away.

So far so good, but MIL phoned last night and mentioned that they would like to set their alarm and come up early to watch the DC open their presents, then go back to the hotel about 9 for breakfast. I was non committal about this to her, as I was surprised, but I'm really uncomfortable with this. I don't want to be seen by my in laws when I'm in my jammies, and I've always felt first thing in the morning should be parents and kids only, and the rest of the day is for visiting and being visited.

I have talked to DH and he has said he will talk to them and suggest they come up about eight instead, but he is not assertive and mil is very assertive, so I am worried they will come up anyway even if DH asks them not to.

Sorry for the essay :-) , anyway, AIBU?

OP, you are being very reasonable and not at all selfish. I really don't understand some of the attitudes on this thread and some are just mean.

I'm sure you are delightful with or without coffee otherwise you wouldn't be spending time here worrying about the in-laws so much you would have told them to bog off already.

My advice is to tell them a time to arrive that you are comfortable with and make the children wait. You will be able to enjoy the present opening and not run around looking after guests as you will have had time to prepare and they will be able to watch and join in with the fun. We have stocking as soon as the children wake and tree presents after lunch. I recommend the system as its not all over before breakfast!

gps are great on christmas morning,they can help the kids with all the wire and screws that hold the toys to the packaging and help set them up,i think you should give it a try,having all the generations together is what makes christmas magical,as another poster said,they are not around forever. i wish my df and dils were still here.

What happens if the DCs wake up earluer? Are you expected to waut?

I always told my DDs there was magic Santa dust on the presents and if they went down before 7 they would disappear

YABU. You say they are not staying with you due to lack of space, not because you dislike them staying with you. Therefore, if you had the room, they would be seeing you in the morning, or would you banish them to the spare room until you are ready for them to come out?

Stop being so bloody entitled. Honestly they are coming hundreds of miles, staying at a hotel presumably at their own expense, they want to spend Christmas with you, not just to help you peel the spuds and clear up after dinner. It should not be a duty, but something to enjoy and for your children to cherish.

One day, you might not have them here at all. Cherish the moments your children get with them while they have their health to enjoy it. And be pleased that you have family that want to spend a special day with you.

It is not all about you.

in fact, I would happily let my MIL sleep in my bed and me on an air mattress on the floor so she could be here and have the children bounce on her bed first thing, instead of having to haul her backside out of a hotel and rush/panic that she might miss the magical moments. She would love it, and she is 80 in July '13. None of our other parents are alive, I would do whatever I could to have her here. I could not give a rats ass if she saw me with wild hair and without coffee.

'Stop being so bloody entitled. Honestly they are coming hundreds of miles, staying at a hotel presumably at their own expense, they want to spend Christmas with you'

Entitled? The gps have forced themselves on the op, who had to cancel her plans with her sister. The least they can do is arrive at a civilized hour, not bloody 6am!

"who had to cancel her plans with her sister."-why did she?

"The least they can do is arrive at a civilized hour, not bloody 6am!"-they´ve only suggested that because they would like to see GC open presents!

Wow such strong emotions over this. IMO YANBU - Your house, your Christmas, your kids!

A compromise is surely possible, keep some presents back to be opened later in the morning!

I had to have my MIL every soddin Christmas (and every other holiday too!) and yes, I ended up doing the breakfast, the coffee etc etc while she got time with the kids.

The GP's have forced themselves on the op. It's Christmas!
Some of you may find yourselves having very lonely Christmases indeed in years to come; when karma bites you on the arse and your children froth at the mouth at the sheer villainy of their parents wanting to intrude on "their" family at such a precious family time of the year.
Think of this thread when your sharing your turkey with the cat.

There is such a thing as 'asking first' maybe you have heard of it?

Wow - I'm a bit shocked by this thread.
YANBU - 6 am is crazy. I agree with people who suggest stockings at 6 am then present opening later for PILs, perhaps during a late breakfast for PILs at your house?
My mum's parents lived nearby, but they never came to us on Xmas morning. Instead, Santa would drop off presents at their house, which we would open late on Christmas Day or Boxing Day. Maybe you could all go back to GPs hotel in the evening, and kids could have the thrill of discovering more presents at the hotel?

flogging indeed.

Um... what about stockings only before church? Meet gps at church then all home together. Just a thought, you know, Christmas and all that....

It's SEPTEMBER everyone.
Why all this angst over Christmas?
And what's wrong with your pyjamas anyway?

OP, for taking one for the team, you will have all the brownie points in the world,

You should as extra present be given the nicest set of PJs, dressing gown and slippers,

just give them a fun stocking to open also, it will be lovely for your children.

I've slept on it, and still stand by my comment. It's ONE day out of 365. Can't she get up at 6 am for ONE day?

No, she won't be running around getting cups of coffee when the children will be opening presents, she will have served coffee and will be sat down with everyone. I don't believe the gp's will be EVIL and caniving as to ask for drinks/nibbles as soon as the children start peeling open the wrapping paper.

I don't care or understand why she has mentioned the history. That had absolutely no relevance, it's as if she is trying to justify her rudeness. They have asked to visit, and as Christmas is "supposed" to be a time of goodwill she should be welcoming them into their home with open arms.

Finally, I agree with flogging. What a lovely thing you're teaching your own children, OP. Priming them for adulthood, teaching them that Christmas is only for parents and their children and no else. One day you'll be in the same position in old age, and it will be very lonely.

What a kerfuffle!
I think the nicest thing to do would be a compromise - after all they will be travelling an awful long way to see you and the dcs.
So... you and family get up at 6 (if you must!) and have nice baths etc so all presentable, have a mini bottle of champagne and a vat of coffee, then invite them over for a ceremonial present/stocking opening at 8am at the very earliest?
How old are your children? Can you not ask them to wait a little bit to open their presents?
(I have never been woken up before 7am by DD so appreciate I may be in the minority).
So bathed, dressed, bucks fizzed/coffee-d and all lovely and fresh for when they arrive?

Christmas - unless you're a Christian, it's just another day. Some of the stuff on here makes me feel quite ill. 6am starts? Drinking all day from breakfast? People, imo, make far too big a deal of what is essentially a commercialised con; too many children getting too much stuff while we happily ignore those who have nowt. Not exactly the spirit of the occasion.

I have four (now adult) children - when they were little, Christmas day started at 7.30, as did every other day. Their daddy or I would go down first to make sure Santa had been (really to light the fire and switch the tree lights on), and we all went down to open their presents.

Then we had breakfast, and they played with their toys - and later, after we'd eaten dinner, family or friends might pop in. There was usually a long walk, or playing outside for a while, to make sure they were ready for bed at their usual time. We kept it very simple - they didn't get loads of expensive presents, but they did help to make decorations and bake/decorate the cake - and it was always fun.

One memorable - for all the wrong reasons - Christmas, we had both sets of grandparents staying, plus my teenage brother and sister. Nightmare. I spent all day cooking for 12, hardly saw the children, and had to contend with two sulky teenagers as well as my grumpy ma. When they left - several days later - I had days of laundry to catch up on.

As a granny, I'm not particularly excited at the idea of watching my grandson opening his presents. I've already done that with my own, and why would I want to see what everyone had bought him? I see him a lot, admittedly, but if I didn't, I'd prefer to spend a few quiet "normal" hours with him at another time - not just to sit watching some frenzy of present-unwrapping.

And I think the inlaws in this case have a nerve - they arrive at 6am, do a bit of grandchild-watching, and then bugger off to their hotel to eat in peace and have a little rest while the OP gets on with her long day? How very nice for them.

YABU - but you've rethought so good on you.

I think one of the issues though, is that you think of them as 'visitors' not 'family'. Maybe that's the difficulty?

lazzaroo I actually think your situation is quite different, and I think they should be back in the B&B and kicked out asked to leave by 10pm.

I wouldn't want people sitting on the end of my bed at 6:00 a.m either. We only have stocking presents in bed and then presents from relatives after breakfast. Could you suggest this to them?

Much ado about nothing. Three months in advance.

By the way, if it ever happens that my children want to spend Christmas alone with their own children (hasn't happened yet - they still come to us...), we'll pack our bags and take ourselves off to a nice hotel near a beach. I shall stock up on books and chocolate, eat food which other people have cooked, walk for miles, and have a whale of a time.

Unless you're really unwell, or languishing in some hellish care home, you shouldn't be so dependent on your children that you can't think how to occupy yourself. You don't suddenly morph into a helpless, unimaginative eejit when you have a pension.

Yanbu. We always have first thing in the morning our way on Christmas day. It makes us feel much more welcoming and more able to be flexible for the rest of the day. I could not stay jolly if I saw my mother first thing on christmas morning.

Btw those posters who talk about being open armed to relatives have no idea what that costs some people. I'm afraid sometimes it is about the history. Some of us are steering the best path we can between conflicting strong feelings. I want my children to have a relationship with their gps. So we see them. It costs me a week of emotional turmoil beforehand and a similar aftermath. Not everyone who chooses a "just us" bit of Christmas is doing it out of selfishness, I imagine very few. Often it's a way to have a bit of control over a non ideal family set up in which you're doing your flipping best to keep family ties going. I have no idea if that applies to the op, it's none of my business. Christmas can be a very intense, emotionally draining time in even the closest families. A little bit of time where you can be a smaller group seems perfectly reasonable.

((((molehill)))), yes, I completely agree. It is very often not as simple as "but they are family". Certainly isn't in my case