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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want in-laws to come first thing on Christmas morning?

239 replies

SofaKing · 28/09/2012 18:22

FIL and step-MIL asked if they could come up for Christmas this year, they live in SE England and we are in Scotland. They are staying at a hotel, as we have 3 in a 3 bed house we don't have room for them to stay with us, but the hotel is only ten minutes walk away.

So far so good, but MIL phoned last night and mentioned that they would like to set their alarm and come up early to watch the DC open their presents, then go back to the hotel about 9 for breakfast. I was non committal about this to her, as I was surprised, but I'm really uncomfortable with this. I don't want to be seen by my in laws when I'm in my jammies, and I've always felt first thing in the morning should be parents and kids only, and the rest of the day is for visiting and being visited.

I have talked to DH and he has said he will talk to them and suggest they come up about eight instead, but he is not assertive and mil is very assertive, so I am worried they will come up anyway even if DH asks them not to.

Sorry for the essay :-) , anyway, AIBU?

OP posts:
BlueSkySinking · 28/09/2012 21:39

why not open the gifts later? After lunch? They can still open their santa stocking with you first thing but the IL's will be there for the main gift giving.

Pandemoniaa · 28/09/2012 21:45

6 am would strain even the most hospitable of us. What I'd probably suggest (and based on our family traditions) is that stocking presents are opened at the crack of dawn on the parental bed (or more likely, opened by the dcs immediately and excitedly but then taken into your bedroom). Then everyone recovers a bit. Main present opening doesn't take place after you've had breakfast at home and ILs have done similarly at their hotel.

That way nobody misses out on the magic of present opening or has to entertain at silly o'clock in the morning.

NameChangeGalore · 28/09/2012 21:45

What's the point of them travelling all that way if you're not even going to let them come into your fucking house?!! Seriously, they're going to go back to the hotel for breakfast?! Why can't you let them stay for breakfast? I am shocked at your selfishness and rudeness. Why don't you just tell them to fcuk off to their hotel for christmas lunch too, because its obviously too much work for you isnt it? Horrible horrible person.

EchoBitch · 28/09/2012 21:47

A leetle OTT NameChange dontcha think?

usualsuspect3 · 28/09/2012 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DelhiCalling · 28/09/2012 21:50

Yanbu. Let them know what time they can come round later. Before 10 is crazy!

theinets · 28/09/2012 21:51

We always used to open a few pressies in bed with mum and dad first thing, then the rest were left til after Christmas lunch, about 4pm , when we had the main event. pleased everyone. also had extended family round for morning nibbles so they didnt get left out. lovely.

HipHopOpotomus · 28/09/2012 21:53

OP perhaps you could coax them to stay on and play with the kids and YOU could go back to bed for a nap! Big bonus lurking there.

Original poster
SofaKing · 28/09/2012 22:09

Sorry usualsuspectand raspberry I know it should be in the Christmas topic but I am being a drama queen and posted in aibu.

It's not even October yet.

Think of that Grin

OP posts:
Numberlock · 28/09/2012 22:10

What are your plans with the PILs on Xmas eve OP?

MistressIggi · 28/09/2012 22:11

I can picture this happening - OP is off in the kitchen making coffees for everyone while GPs get to watch the kids discovering all the presents that OP has been choosing since September with the help of the MN Christmas threads.

My four year old woke up at half nine last Christmas day. Would be somewhat pissed off if I'd had visitors since six on that day!

Waswondering · 28/09/2012 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wherearemyGOLDsocks · 28/09/2012 22:24

Namechange you are being ridiculous. At no point has OP said she wasn't going to let them in the house, she just didn't want them in quite so early, which has been considered reasonable by many many other posters.

At no point did she say they weren't welcome for breakfast. They themselves said they wanted to go back to the hotel for breakfast (and a nap). Horrible judgemental person.

OP, I would be happy for family to come round for pressie opening, but it damn sure wouldn't be before the sun had even come up. In our house stockings are opened in bed and then rest of pressies after lunch, you may not be able to get them to wait that long but I'm sure you could wait a few hours.

Uppermid · 28/09/2012 22:44

Namechange - are you reading the same posts as everyone else?!

BorisJohnsonsHair · 28/09/2012 22:48

YABU - because it's still September!! Christmas FFS!

Merrin · 29/09/2012 09:28

None of this would be an issue if you opened your presents after lunch :o

WelshMaenad · 29/09/2012 09:33

Lord no. No, I wouldn't be having that at all. My Xmas mornings are sacred (and my kids don't wake till 7.30/8am anyhow).

No, they can come after breakfast, you can save some presents to open with them later. My children are not a pantomime staged for the enjoyment of others, I am not up for providing the 'Cosy Crimble Morning Virtual Experience' - and neither should you be, if you don't want to.

indianrani · 29/09/2012 09:34

YABU sorry, you may not like it but unfair on your DS, would he like them there? They may not be around forever so give him the memories! Just sayin'

gettingeasier · 29/09/2012 09:44

I find it fascinating the way everyone has their own version of how Christmas should be

Then if you marry you have to amalgamate the partners version into your own

I love these days just doing what I want , divorced with undemanding parents Smile

squeakytoy · 29/09/2012 09:55

"I wouldn't let my in-laws come for Christmas morning and they live overseas. I wouldn't let my parents come either and they are only 30 miles away. Christmas is for us"

What a horrible attitude. :(

I bet you dont turn the presents that they buy away though...

Floggingmolly · 29/09/2012 10:10

Why is 6am such an issue when that's the time the kids will be up opening their presents?.
I'm assuming that's the logic behind their decision to come so early - if they come later they'll miss it??? Confused
Op, you're in danger of taking the shine off everybody's Christmas, it seems extraordinarily little to ask on their part.

floatyjosmum · 29/09/2012 10:29

i only read the first page but think youre being a bit mean considering the journey they are making!

My inlaws drive me nuts all year round but they spend every xmas with us. They know if they arent here by 8am they miss present opening and have to say they are never late!

They arent even my kids Grandparents but 1 day a year we look like a 'normal' family!

TeaOneSugar · 29/09/2012 10:31

MistressIggi That's exactly what happens, you end up running around making cups of tea and offering breakfast, while the GPs sit there watching your (in my case) only dd opening her presents.

Neither my GPs or DHs GPs ever came first thing on Christmas morning.

I put a stop to it last year (there are now younger DGC elsewhere for my PIL to visit if they want to).

Floggingmolly · 29/09/2012 10:56

I'm positively delightful once I've had coffee. You should have had a bucket full one before starting this thread.

LilQueenie · 29/09/2012 11:03

The OP did state that this visit was put upon her without asking.