to not want to spend half the day in the AN clinic on Friday when it would have been my DD's seventh birthday that day?

[confuddledDOTcom]

Really not looking forward to it! I've had the appointment a few weeks but it didn't occur to me what the date was until we were discussing plans for the weekend.

Last night I emailed the SoM who has helped me with a few things and asked if she can arrange somehow to get me pushed through because it's a high risk clinic it means a half day appointment, they're bad enough at the best of times but it's really not a day we want to be hanging around there. As it's a high risk clinic it's only held monthly as non-obstetric doctors come from another hospital.

I'm getting a little twitchy because I've had no "away" message but she's not responded yet, I'd have thought with something this sensitive she could have at least sent me a reply and said "let me see what I can do" even if she needs time to work things out. I just want to know that I'm not going to have to sit around there. OH's hoping to get out early too, even though he's coming with me, so we can take the girls to visit their sister.

So what do you think - should I just put up with three hours there on that date, am I being too twitchy about a reply?

[NOTE FROM MNHQ: Please note that we have changed the thread title of this thread - which may mean that some of the following posts do not make complete sense, as they are referring to the previous, no-longer-visible version of the title. Apologies for all the confusion, and best of luck to the OP in getting the appointment situation sorted out. Thanks, MNHQ]

Read the thread ash

X-post with ash.

I think the OP should ask foe this one to be deleted and start another in a different section.

This is just going to run and run with people like me not reading the thread and others screaming at them.

It's becoming farcical. And this is the thread for it.

It's different when it's a child, Pooka.

It was my dd's 1st birthday last August 16th. She died when she was 7 weeks old. When your child dies, they do "grow up" in your head, you "see" them as the child they should be. Next August 16th will be her second birthday.

confuddled, I haven't set foot in the hospital where dd was born since we lost her. If I ever had had to have any dealings with childbirth or gynae stuff, I think I would probably do everything in my power to go to a different hospital, so I can fully understand why you wouldn't want to sit around there. Maybe the idea that you hang around in the local area and then they text you when they're ready might not be a bad one?

*not the thread

Or maybe not the thread, unsure underneath. :)

Bloody xpost.

I think what added to the confusion for me at least was the OP stated on the first page in her subsequent post that her DD was dead.

OP I hope you find a way to get the appointment sorted.

I'm so sorry for your loss, confuddled. dd1 would have been 7 this year too. Completely understand why you don't want to be there for long - or at all! I agree with unsure that it might be better to start a new thread - maybe in pregnancy? People there might be familiar with current practice in hospitals?

This is awful. Reveals how many people don't read the thread though.

Enough said now though. What confuddled needs is a bit of support getting through a tough day. The implication of the 'birthday' debate is so bloody hurtful. I have three children. Whatever happens to them in our lives together, I will always have three children and their birthdays will always be their birthdays. Implying there is even a question mark over that term is offensive and upsetting. I'm upset by it and I have three living children. I can't imagine how the mothers whose children have died must feel.

Any news from the SOM OP?

Oh dear Lord. Only managed to get through page 1 but was reading the posts going at all the people thinking the DD was in school.

The title of the post says it WOULD have been the DD's 7th birthday! How much more obvious could it be what happened? And taking the others to visit their sister? Was that not a clue?

You were being totally clear, OP. So sorry for your loss.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.
That's to reluctanttownie BTW.

Confuddled I had a high risk pregnancy meaning regular scans, we didn't have a single clinic apmt we saw the consultant privately, as in a private waiting room, in and out quickly. Could you miss this apmt, or ask for it to be moved? I rearranged a few of my scans.

To clarify I don't mean privately as in non NHS, just not in a clinic. We had a lovely small waiting area just for us with no other patients.

reluctant THE TITLE WAS CHANGED. READ THE THREAD.

Northernlurker, I say it again no question over the birthday term was raised. Simply stated that it isn't that common for people to refer to someone's "x birthday" when they are not alive, and if you do refer to it as such, and don't then explain that they died, people will assume they are alive, as an explanation for why people assumed her DD would be at school and she was being precious.

How hard is that to understand?

If the OP had said 'it's her birthday on x day but she died shortly after birth' there would have been no misunderstanding. If the OP had said 'she would have been 7' there would have been no misunderstanding. But to make no mention at all of it made it seem as if she just didn't want to hang around a maternity department on her DD's birthday because she had something better to do.

Once she explained, it was obvious. Before that, not. It wasn't fair that posters were being criticised for not seeing something that was neither written nor implied. That's why I stated what I did.

LBE give up

dog... bone... Lougle

The fact that it appeared posters were being off with the OP despite latecomers being perfectly clear from the title is possubly why people are skipping through and just posting.

I was appalled at the apparent insensitivity which is why I did what I never did and skipped to the end.

As tedious as people doing this on this thread may be, its also tedious to keep reading the eyerolling 'read the fucking thread' posts too.

Say nothing, after people have posted on the last page they will get it.

what I never *do

Soupdragon, I'm not being a dog with a bone. I'm defending myself from accusations that I was being deliberately insensitive and and lacking in compassion, when in fact I was telling the OP that she had not given any indication of the true state of affairs in her OP.

That last post is itself lacking on compassion. Just stop now lougle.

I've not asked to postpone the appointment, I've asked to not have to wait around, it's never a good place to sit around in and I've spent easily a quarter of some of my pregnancies in hospital, I will never get away from that and the date doesn't change it but it will make it harder to be there Friday. Knowing how much I'm going to be there after this appointment (it'll go weekly from next week - that sounds odd, but I'm not likely to have the IC scan this week, that'll probably start next week) I know I need to go, if I miss this appointment they can't set up all the scans and tests I'll need for another month. It's not even about getting to the cemetery because with the current weather that's potentially not going to happen and even if we do go it will be hours after I get out, after my eldest LC has her violin lesson I have to go to, both of the children who are in school are collected and the youngest picked up from my parents. It's only a half day clinic so there is a lot of day left.

Only read page one but...

I must be the only person on here that reads properly, the fact the OP states "would have been" in her title in my opinion makes it very clear her daughter is deceased.

I think think op you are being a bit twitchy about a quick response but I can see why that is and why you don't really feel up to being there.

For goodness sake, gobble, read the thread.

Confuddled, I'm sure they can do as you ask. I used to work in outpatients, and we'd regularly switch orders to meet the needs of our patients.

The thread title was changed that's why it is clearer now.