to not want to spend half the day in the AN clinic on Friday when it would have been my DD's seventh birthday that day?

[confuddledDOTcom]

Really not looking forward to it! I've had the appointment a few weeks but it didn't occur to me what the date was until we were discussing plans for the weekend.

Last night I emailed the SoM who has helped me with a few things and asked if she can arrange somehow to get me pushed through because it's a high risk clinic it means a half day appointment, they're bad enough at the best of times but it's really not a day we want to be hanging around there. As it's a high risk clinic it's only held monthly as non-obstetric doctors come from another hospital.

I'm getting a little twitchy because I've had no "away" message but she's not responded yet, I'd have thought with something this sensitive she could have at least sent me a reply and said "let me see what I can do" even if she needs time to work things out. I just want to know that I'm not going to have to sit around there. OH's hoping to get out early too, even though he's coming with me, so we can take the girls to visit their sister.

So what do you think - should I just put up with three hours there on that date, am I being too twitchy about a reply?

[NOTE FROM MNHQ: Please note that we have changed the thread title of this thread - which may mean that some of the following posts do not make complete sense, as they are referring to the previous, no-longer-visible version of the title. Apologies for all the confusion, and best of luck to the OP in getting the appointment situation sorted out. Thanks, MNHQ]

I think maybe MNHQ should mention in an amended thread title that it has been changed.

Lougle didn't say that. The comment was about the difference between "would have been X's birthday" and "is X's birthday". The problem here is that the OP's original title and opening post implied, accidentally, that she was talking about a living child rather than a deceased one, leading to lots of confusion and people posting in a manner that seems insensitive, but only after it was cleared up.

So there really is need to have a go at anyone for anything, other than the opinionated people who haven't bothered to read it.

dysfunctionalme now that I have to agree with.

I meant to add that of course anyone can use either of those tenses, or whatever way they want, but in the context it caused confusion for some.

MrSunshine - telling a bereaved parent to "knock themselves out" is fucking rude and unnecessary. So IMO there's a very good reason right there to have a go at the person who said it.

YANBU at all, I hope you get a positive outcome on this.

It must be a very rare situation, I think you could reasonably ask for them to move the day altogether. They might not do it but I'm sure they would be happy to be asked, given the circumstances.

No you can MrSunshine. It's the joy of a forum like this, you can't control what others do or don't do.

Back when it was all green fields around here I used to read whole threads. Then I left and came back to threads which are 1000's of posts long so now sometimes, on some threads I flip them and post.

So shoot me. Meh.

to be fair though, that was only after she was given out to already, so was responding.

You don't have to read the thread. But it often leads to looking really stupid when you've missed bits pertinent to your complaint post.

Actually if you read MrSunshine's post he made a typo and actually gave everyone carte blanche to have a go at each other. Too kind.

My post, quoted is:

" Lougle Tue 25-Sep-12 16:07:12

Also, to be honest, I'm not sure it's common usage to refer to someone's 'birthday' if they have died. I'm not saying you are unreasonable to do so, but that in doing so, you have to accept that unless you explain otherwise the assumption will be that she is alive. "

I think, from that post, it is clear that I was not saying that it was unreasonable to refer to Friday as her DD's birthday but unless she explained otherwise, people would assume that her DD was alive.

I'm not saying that it isn't a birthday, but to refer to it as a 'seventh birthday' does imply that her DD is in fact seven years old on Friday. Which is why people assumed that she would be at school.

Actually lougle said it isn't common useage to say it's my daughters birthday after they have died.

Which is both idiotic and insensitive IMO.

MrSunshine - fair point - and as unsure says, people can do what they like on forums like this, where posts aren't moderated before they appear. But Lougle was being "given out to" by someone who's lost a child and has the anniversary of that even looming, and it seems to me that it's not impossible to bite one's tongue in a situation like that.

I havent read all the replies, but it was clear to me what your title meant. Having gone through the trauma of a stillborn son and burying him I totally get why you want your dd's birthday to be about her and remembering her. I truly dont think people get it - all those things that you do each and every day with your children that you dont even think about, you never get to do with your child. So your dd's birthday is so important as a day you can focus on her and remember and think about her. I do understand, and I understand that the absolute last place you will want to be is anywhere medical that could bring back so much for you. I dont know what the answer is - could PALS help? Or maybe your local SANDS group might have advice.

I hope you get something sorted out. I will be thinking of your dd. We like to think of our boy painting rainbows in the sky and then sliding down them until its time for tea. So maybe your dd will do that and have extra special cakes. I wish you all the best and send you huge hugs x

Aaaaargh.
There's still people coming on here that have not read MNHQ's post on page 3.
Read The Fucking Thread!

Did I? Oops. Well, it is AIBU. I think the having a go at each other is implied. I think AIBU by trying to be reasonable to all.

Am amazed at the insensitivity of some posters who are still harking on about grammar and syntax rather than either supporting the OP or leaving the thread.

It is clear that the OP was upset and made a mistake when she originally posted. No wonder. Wouldn't anyone, in her position.

Could you ask someone to phone the clinic for you, Dot? I can understand your reluctance to phone and speak to then but perhaps a friend could do that for you.

I think AIBU should be consigned to the rubbish bin and MN return to the kind nestofvipers it used to be.

^Actually lougle said it isn't common useage to say it's my daughters birthday after they have died.

Which is both idiotic and insensitive IMO.^

No, the post is quoted and she said "I'm not sure it is common usage" which implies her opinion, and if its not common usage to her, then its not.

It wasn't insensitive to point out the OP that she had, via several comments inc the title, suggested something very different to what she actually meant. ALL of the early posters read it the same way, until OP explained later. Not fair to single out posters for not knowing what OP meant.

It's not insensitive and idiotic. It's true. How many people say 'it's my Mum's 80th birthday on Thursday', when in fact they died at the age of 56? Nobody. They might say 'it would have been my Mum's 80th. Which is why MNHQ changed the title.

It wasn't clear. It wasn't unkind that people thought it was UR to expect a specialist clinic to reorganise itself around a child's birthday. Of course it isn't UR for Confuddled to ask to be fast-tracked through the department given the circumstances, but she didn't give enough information in the OP for anyone to know that this was the case. She posted in AIBU, not bereavement, not pregnancy.

Op, maybe it's just me, but I knew what you meant by just reading the title of your post 'would have been my dd's 7th birthday' I got it straight away. Just wanted to say that to you. I'm sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself xx

TITLE CHANGED.

Sorry, I didn't read the thread properly sorry

Lousmart yes, as your name implies you are the only one that understood that just from the title. Of course you are. Or perhaps, had you read the thread you would see that the title has in fact been changed by MNHQ after 3 pages of posts

Sorry, x-posts - thank you, Lousmart. Ignore my post.