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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

to not want to spend half the day in the AN clinic on Friday when it would have been my DD's seventh birthday that day?

203 replies

confuddledDOTcom · 25/09/2012 15:10

Really not looking forward to it! I've had the appointment a few weeks but it didn't occur to me what the date was until we were discussing plans for the weekend.

Last night I emailed the SoM who has helped me with a few things and asked if she can arrange somehow to get me pushed through because it's a high risk clinic it means a half day appointment, they're bad enough at the best of times but it's really not a day we want to be hanging around there. As it's a high risk clinic it's only held monthly as non-obstetric doctors come from another hospital.

I'm getting a little twitchy because I've had no "away" message but she's not responded yet, I'd have thought with something this sensitive she could have at least sent me a reply and said "let me see what I can do" even if she needs time to work things out. I just want to know that I'm not going to have to sit around there. OH's hoping to get out early too, even though he's coming with me, so we can take the girls to visit their sister.

So what do you think - should I just put up with three hours there on that date, am I being too twitchy about a reply?

[NOTE FROM MNHQ: Please note that we have changed the thread title of this thread - which may mean that some of the following posts do not make complete sense, as they are referring to the previous, no-longer-visible version of the title. Apologies for all the confusion, and best of luck to the OP in getting the appointment situation sorted out. Thanks, MNHQ]

OP posts:

ouryve · 25/09/2012 23:53

Sorry confuddled. I had no idea there was any back story. I've never ever "met" you before so simply went on your OP.

MNHQ

OliviaPeaceAndLoveMumsnet · 25/09/2012 23:55

Yikes confuddleddotcom
Let's have a look at how we can reword your title for you as Mmelindor suggested.

MNHQ

OliviaPeaceAndLoveMumsnet · 26/09/2012 00:04

Hi again OP
We have changed your thread title from "It's my daughter's 7th birthday on Friday and I'm due to spend half a day in antenatal"
to " AIBU to not want to spend half the day in the AN clinic on Friday when it would have been my DD's seventh birthday that day?"

We realise that this refers to your DD in the past, but we wanted to make it clear to anyone coming to the thread without reading it what the situation was to avoid any further confusions.

Hope the midwife can sort things out for you and you can be less stressed.

MNHQ

Original poster

confuddledDOTcom · 26/09/2012 00:12

The SoM is available through the normal number but you can never be sure where she'll be and can be passed around or just get people saying they don't know so it's always easier to email. Ringing the clinic would only get me through to the generic AN reception. I've not even got my tear drop yet so I'm going to end up explaining from the start if I don't get it sorted before I go and as I'll be at US first I won't be able to speak to anyone on the day for a couple of hours.

They can't change the appointment because the rhuematology team only come over once a month and they work together.

Thanks Olivia, I should really have read my post better and in context before I posted it, not like me at all. Just got jittery today.

OP posts:

dottyspotty2 · 26/09/2012 00:15

YANBU I kind of guessed you meant a child that had died as in the title you said it WOULD of been her birthday as in past tense.

Original poster

confuddledDOTcom · 26/09/2012 00:17

Thank you. Olivia just changed the title to make it a little more obvious.

OP posts:

dottyspotty2 · 26/09/2012 00:17

Sorry didn't realise title had been changed.

dottyspotty2 · 26/09/2012 00:20

Even from your op i would of presumed something was out of the ordinary if you where taking your girls to see her but I do tend to analyse things a lot hope you get through the day ok.

Moominsarescary · 26/09/2012 03:18

confudled ds3 was only 6 months old when I lost ds4, there should have been under 11 months between them, although we were also expecting him early as ds2 and 3 were born early due to unexplained premature rupture of membranes, ds3 was born at 32 weeks.

This baby is due a year and 4 days after ds4 was due so it's a bit scary as I'm only a few days in front of what I was this time last year when I lost him.

I'm sorry they've not been able to give you any answers, I've had a stitch put in this time and I've been having progesterone suppositories, however noone is sure why I've suddenly developed ic as it wasn't a problem in the other pregnancys

Northernlurkerisbackatwork · 26/09/2012 08:10

Moomins - crossing everything for you. Scary times.

Op - I feel like I'm on a bit of an annoying (to you) mission to solve this for you which is daft because I can't - but here's another suggestion. Depending on how easy you find to talk about what happened you might want to write down what happened and ask the HCPs to read it. Then you don't need to tell the story again and again.
Hopefully you'll hear from the SOM today.

Bunbaker · 26/09/2012 08:32

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. At the risk of sounding a little insensitive, would it not be better to see if you can keep the appointment especially if they can only get all the teams together once a month. Perhaps waiting another month might increase the risk of history repeating itself.

I do hope that you can get it sorted and that you have a happy and healthy pregnancy.

Naysa · 26/09/2012 08:48

At the risk of sounding insensitive OP don't you think it's rude to suggest that another poster can have no idea what you're going though? Everyone on here is trying to help and surely if you wanted the help and advice only from people who have lost a child then you should post somewhere more specific that AIBU rather than getting ratty with someone?

Moominsarescary · 26/09/2012 08:55

naysa how is it helpful to say that it's not really common usage to refer to a persons birthday after they have died?

I don't think it's even true, just because someone has died doesn't stop the day they were born being their birthday

OldCatLady · 26/09/2012 08:55

Really confused why nobody realised her daughter had passed. The title was a give away, coupled with the fact she said she would take her daughters to see their sister...was pretty obvious to me. Anyway, I'm sorry for your loss, but unfortunately I doubt there's much they can do, I hope you get seen quickly though.

OldCatLady · 26/09/2012 08:57

Oh, just seen the title was changed. I take it back, can see confusion now!

FlangelinaBallerina · 26/09/2012 10:09

I don't see why this needed to become a discussion about how people who have lost a child refer to the day on which that child was born, especially after it became clear that OP was not referring to a DC who is still with us.

OP, of course you don't want to go to the place where your DD died on her birthday. That surely isn't going to do your stress levels any good. It's far from ideal for a woman who is experiencing a high risk pregnancy to have to sit for hours feeling desperate and upset. You were quite right to ask if the appointment could be moved, and I hope they can accommodate you. If they can't they can't, but it was worth a try. The best of luck for this pregnancy, and I'm glad you're receiving specialist care.

GingerBlondecat · 26/09/2012 10:20

(((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))) OP