to not want to spend half the day in the AN clinic on Friday when it would have been my DD's seventh birthday that day?

[confuddledDOTcom]

Really not looking forward to it! I've had the appointment a few weeks but it didn't occur to me what the date was until we were discussing plans for the weekend.

Last night I emailed the SoM who has helped me with a few things and asked if she can arrange somehow to get me pushed through because it's a high risk clinic it means a half day appointment, they're bad enough at the best of times but it's really not a day we want to be hanging around there. As it's a high risk clinic it's only held monthly as non-obstetric doctors come from another hospital.

I'm getting a little twitchy because I've had no "away" message but she's not responded yet, I'd have thought with something this sensitive she could have at least sent me a reply and said "let me see what I can do" even if she needs time to work things out. I just want to know that I'm not going to have to sit around there. OH's hoping to get out early too, even though he's coming with me, so we can take the girls to visit their sister.

So what do you think - should I just put up with three hours there on that date, am I being too twitchy about a reply?

[NOTE FROM MNHQ: Please note that we have changed the thread title of this thread - which may mean that some of the following posts do not make complete sense, as they are referring to the previous, no-longer-visible version of the title. Apologies for all the confusion, and best of luck to the OP in getting the appointment situation sorted out. Thanks, MNHQ]

I say its my mums birthday. And I say its my dad birthday. They passed away some years ago. But they did exist. That is their birthday.

Insensitive and idiotic IMHO.

Lougle, how about you shut the fuck up and discover some compassion and sensitivity?

Fucks sake Lougle. You are like a dog with a bone.

Can we just stop discussing the wording of the OP and get back to trying to find a solution for the OP

I just though - is there a park or a cafe near the hospital that you could wait in and ask the receptionist to send you a quick text when they are ready for you.

I'm not going to argue with you further since I think its rather insensitive and idiotic of you to be attacking posters on a thread like this, but you have missed half of the sentence which make a big difference to how it is read and understood.

That's a really nice idea MmeLindor

When you say you are going to stop MrSunshine, its normally a good idea to do that and not continue

I almost get the impression people are deliberately misunderstanding lougie's post. I don't want to go into it again because it really isn't fair on dot.

But as an example, my Dgm would have been 97 tomorrow, but she died when she was 93. If I said "it's my granny's 97th birthday tomorrow" I would expect that people would conclude that my granny was alive.

Op has tons on her plate, understandably. When it was realised where the confusion was coming from, she gave more info and then subsequently mumsnet changed the thread title.

Lougie was explaining why she had misunderstood and did not appear to be passing judgement, though the op seemed to construe that.

It just seems like this thread is filled with misunderstanding and confusion on all sides.

It will always be her birthday, confuddled .

So sorry for your loss.

The first reply I made, MrSunshine, was to say my daughter was dead, I didn't make "several comments" suggesting she was still alive. When I first read the comments I was confused as to why people thought she was still alive, then I realised that copying it from where I had posted before had changed the context so explained. Unless you can show other posts other than the OP where I said anything that would suggest she is still alive?

I don't give two flying ones how other people refer to their dead, Lougle I will call my daughter's birthday what I want and when it's your turn you can too. Annnd... we come back to keeping bereaved parents tucked out the way.

And for the whatever time... I've not asked them to rearrange their clinic, just not leave me sitting there for hours.

I just want to make it clear, I didn't think anyone was being mean in their comments, I started off being confused then realised what I'd done.

IAmNotACaterpillar I hadn't thought about it before your post, but if I haven't heard anything by Friday I could pop into the PALS office as I go in and ask if they can sort something out or call them on Thursday so they can have it sorted. They're pretty good there, the lady there left the office after one complaint we made to go and pull a doctor out of clinic for some retraining after one rather insensitive comment.

I won't shut up, and I haven't lost compassion. I had explained to the OP why people assumed her daughter was still alive. That isn't insensitive. I don't think it is me who is like a dog with a bone either. It's other posters who'd rather attack me than see that the OP was so unclear that many people thought that she was being oversensitive.

Lougle, just read back over your posts and remember that the OP has lost a child - you really ought to be ashamed - talk about labouring over the worng point.

In any event, it really is common to refer to the birthday of a deceased person, I always think about my dad on what would have been his birthday and say to DH - it's Dad's birthday today.

Even if it wasn't though, just have a think to yourself - really not on.

"Lougle I will call my daughter's birthday what I want and when it's your turn you can too."

I never said you couldn't. Read my post. I never said that you couldn't, shouldn't or were unwise to call it that.

To me, it was clear by your title that your dd had died and I am very sorry for your loss.

I hope you can have the appointment on a different day but if not, please try not to stress yourself out and plan something to celebrate your dd's short life afterwards.

MmeLindor if they were a little more timed I'd try and do something like that but they just get the next file off the top and call it, don't answer quick enough they put it back. Bloods are done with numbers like a deli. It'd just take my files (we're getting close to the end of #2 now, OH says "You're next, they just got a truck out") being put to the top and me being called without a number for the bloods or a MW doing it instead.

And no doubt your dh knows the context and so there is no confusion, overcooked.

As op has said, in transferring the post from a site where it was in context and other posters would have instantly known what was meant to this site where people don't necessarily know the back story, the context was lost, hence the confusion.

As it is, I don't think anyone has said the op is unreasonable in response to her revised posting - and hopefully the clinic can speed her through.

To be fair when I came to the thread the title had already been changed so it was obvious to me that the OP was bereaved, - but it wouldn't have been so clear if the title had still read "It's my daughter's 7th birthday on Friday and I'm due to spend half a day in antenatal"

But it has been changed now, so perhaps we could stop focussing on the confusion and give the support the OP needs.

Only on page one now but it was pretty obvious from the title saying 'when it would have been my DDs birthday' that the OPs DD had died.

I think a lot of confusion would be cleared up here if MNHQ put a note on the first post to explain the thread title change..

Oh FFS as much as I hate it when people like me dont read the thread, it really hate it when they change a F-ing title.

Hear hear Squeakytoy.

I must be thè only person who guessed your DD wasn't alive, cringing reading thè comments saying you were being unreasonable. The clue was in "WOULD HAVE been dd's birthday"

But I do think you might have to just ride it out I'm afraid, if the clinic is only once a month

I'm not going to shout, I'm not going to shout...
dysfunctionalme
But back to the subject.
Op, this is also about your living child too you know,so the appointment is important.
I'm sure you'll still have the chance to visit your beloved daughter and remember her, but take care of her potential sibling too.

Ok now I'm getting that the title has been changed so sorry guys (must lessen to read whole thread)