Is this unfair of me?

[rhondajean]

I told dd1 she could arrange to have a friend over or do something this afternoon(shes 12) but when she phoned yesterday everyone was busy.

W need food shopping today. DH is working and she helps me pack/load/unload the car when he is. As she wasn't busy, I've had a slow start to the day and am about to get lunch then get ready to go out for it with her and dd2 who was 8 last week.

Her friends just called on her way home and wants her to go out in half an hour. I said no, sorry, unfortunately what we have now arranged to do doesn't fit in with her friends changed plans.

She is furious. I've had the whole lot - she is caged in and never has anything to do, etc, etc, dd2 can help carry the shopping (she does but she's 8!) blah blah blah.

I'm wondering if I'm wrong saying she can't go - she knew we had to go shopping and wasn't in a rush until the phone call. I pointed out to her she eats more than as much as the rest of us so it's not unfair to ask her to help get the food. She's said she just won't eat this week then! Am tempted to take her up - think of the saving

I would have gone this morning if she had told me she had plans...am I now being unfair?

[crashdollGOLD]

I was on the fence but anyway, why did you bother asking if you were so sure of yourself?

[OhTheConfusion]

Advanced pocket or chore money for a trip to Glasgow is ofcourse allowed... I always ask for more before I board the train to Glasgow and im almost 30 ;-)

[StuntGirl]

Is that partly what this has been about as well rhonda? You knew she'd want more money and you've mentioned it several times and don't seem too happy about it, was there a bit of resentment at giving out 'free' money?

[AmberLeaf]

I think YWBU

YA also BU to make food shopping a family expedition.

[GoldShip]

So she has to go every week at 10am

Absolutely pointless. You're being selfish and unreasonable. You don't need her, you're just excercising your power.

[rhondajean]

It's never about the money with me stunt - I could just see it coming. I gave her extra on Friday and said that's her for the month - she spent the lot on Friday!

It's hardly a family expedition - dd1 comes to help and dd2 comes because she is 8 and cannot stay at home alone.

Gold - it was a flipping joke! Everyone else seems to have realised that.

[maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour]

I'm glad its sorted out now, but I also think YABU

I absolutely think dc that age need to learn responsibility, but I also think there needs to be a balance

I have six dc and am disabled and because of that I am really really careful not to 'use' my teenagers more than would be normal. They have jobs they have to do but things like caring for the younger dc and shopping etc are not their responsibility they are mine and DH's. It's a difficult balance sometimes but we try our best, we don't want them to have to grow up too fast and take responsibility that's not theirs to take