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AIBU?

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Original poster

To complain about cold and unfriendly teaching assistant?

273 replies

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 20/09/2012 22:48

DD2 has just begun in reception at the school where my DD1 is. It is a lovely school...just gorgeous and everyone is happy with it.

However...there is a teaching assistant there who is so unfriendly as to appear hostile. She's in the reception class and she is one of those people who has a cold expression all the time.

Today I said "Hi...good morning!" to her as I left DD to go into the line up and she looked at me like I was a piece of shit. No exaggeration...she looked directly into my eyes and kept her face still with a cold expression.

It was quite upsetting to then watch my DD go in there...under her care...even partially! She's done this on another occasion but I put it down to maybe she was having a bad morning.

My question is this...should I give her one more chance to pick up her demeanor... keep being friendly....and if she carries on, then complain to the HT? or the teacher?

I just don't feel happy about it.

OP posts:
Raspberryandorangesorbet · 21/09/2012 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piratecat · 21/09/2012 14:26

maybe she is a droid.

I hate bad manners.

TirednessKills · 21/09/2012 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoIgetastickerforthat · 21/09/2012 14:55

DS2's TA last year was a real sour puss towards the parents but the kids loved her . I agree that's it's rude and it doesn't kill someone to crack a smile, but if they are good at there jobs then thats all that really matters so I think you just have to take the "it takes all sorts" school of thought and get over it.

She may defrost a bit as the year progresses.

DoIgetastickerforthat · 21/09/2012 14:56

Their not there duh!

drjohnsonscat · 21/09/2012 15:13

We have a TA like this. Absolutely weirdly non-communicative and unfriendly. Also utterly useless at her job (can't remember basic and important facts about the children's health and allergy status for instance, very poor at engaging with the children). Disliked by all the kids as well so sadly it's not a case of a stern demeanour masking a heart of gold. The school cannot get rid of her - she's been there decades.

We all just put up with it. Everybody knows about her and and tries to work around her.

I wouldn't complain about her just for being unfriendly. She might be lovely and good at her job underneath it all. She might be like our TA - generally poor - but is a bit of a fact of life, like the weather. If it's the latter, the real problem will be for the teachers having to compensate for her shortcomings.

ll31 · 21/09/2012 15:29

You sound ridiculously easily upset tbh .. ..would suggest you chill out. . Do you get upset about other people too? Do you work outside home?

MabelLucyAttwell · 21/09/2012 15:37

Is it possible that the TA is new as well and is concentrating on the children rather than any other element of working at a school?

MarquiseOfMelburnia · 21/09/2012 16:00

You are not BU to think her rude but you are BU to get disproportionately het up about it.

Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 21/09/2012 17:39

She's not shy, she hasn't had a stoke, she is not deaf. She was standing outside the infants entrance...on greeting duty...she wasn't walking past me...I approached the door to send DD in...and greeted her as she stood facing me with her back to the wall.

I didn't stand too close...I was about 6 feet away.

She's not shy because I have seen her chatting to teachers etc.

She HAS seemed chatty with the DC. I volunteered at an event and she was next door to me and she talked to the kids plenty.

I never saw her today...I will be friendly to her of course. I also plan to ask her how DD is doing.

DH siad that she has been cold with him too and he mentioned it to another Dad who said "Oh HER! She's not friendly I wouldn't bother."

OP posts:
bitsnbobs · 21/09/2012 17:44

There is a teacher at my sons school who sound like your TA however when I worked with her last week (i'm a TA) she was lovely. Yes she was a bit miserable and not the most fun teacher ever but she was good at her job and I felt bad for judging her.

Floggingmolly · 21/09/2012 17:49

She was on greeting duty Grin. It's not the queen's garden party, love, schools don't have people hanging about like gobshites to greet the parents in the mornings. Your estimation of your own importance in the scheme of things is way too high.

Shelby2010 · 21/09/2012 18:33

Maybe she works with children because she is painfully shy around adults she doesn't know. The fact that she chats with other teachers is irrelevant as she may have had time to become comfortable with them.

Or maybe she is a good friend of your next door neighbour who has been slagging you off for bad parking / overhanging trees / annoyingly trampoline (delete as appropriate)??

Or maybe she's had a Botox overdose?

Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 21/09/2012 18:57

Flogging what should I have called it then love? "Intimidating parent's duty"?

*Standing on the door like a lump of stone duty"?

OP posts:
Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 21/09/2012 18:59

Do you think the teacher says "Would you mind standing by the door today Mrs. Miseryguts? Just for the effect...you know...so the parent's don't feel TOO comfortable?"

She was like a fricking bouncer with an attitude!

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 21/09/2012 19:08

OP, you are starting to sound like you want a fight about this.

You seem to believe that this woman has something against you.

If you really feel this way report her, but I can guarantee that you will become "that parent".

and your drip feed of another parent upthread really doesn't help your case.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 21/09/2012 19:26

I worked in a Nursery and was on 'door duty' the morning after DH had been deployed overseas for 4 months. I was still polite and pleasant and smiled at the parents and children. If you can't do that, then you're in the wrong job IMVHO. There's a TA at DS2's old primary school and her face permanently looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp!

Good manners cost nothing. I wouldn't complain OP, but I can see exactly where you are coming from.

gimmecakeandcandy · 21/09/2012 19:43

Op yanbu at all but unfortunately some of the biggest arses around seemed to have responded to your thread and how they feel about this and how arsey they have been with you doesn't say a lot for their manners either!

aroomofherown · 21/09/2012 19:56

I came onto this thread expecting to agree with the OP. I thought "cold and unfriendly" meant that she made the children feel uncomfortable and therefore would impact on her effectiveness as a TA.

It would be great for the TA to be relaxed enough to chat to the parents in the morning, but it's not really a big deal, as long as she is supporting the children effectively. I met a parent on the train with his daughter this week and said, "We haven't met.." - he said, "Yes, we have...on Induction Day". Oops. I'm far from cold and unfriendly, just have a trillion things on my mind at busy times.

If you are really bothered, ask a parent who has been involved in the school for a few years and ask their opinion of the TA. You don't know this person yet, you've had only a few interactions, give it time. Form your opinion from your daughter's reaction to her, or a few months of your own interactions with her.

If a TA scares the children or makes them uncomfortable, that's a different story. This hasn't been proved to be that. It may turn out to be a problem, but you don't have enough evidence for that yet.

nokidshere · 21/09/2012 20:02

Sorry, I know I've already made a post, but honestly! You, as a parent of a child who has been in school a couple of weeks, want to complain because a member of staff didn't smile at you. Had you thought that:
a) she was having a health scare
b) she may have been up all night with a sick child
c) she may have just had to put her parent into a care home
d) she hit a cat driving into work
e) she had just been receiving complicated directions on how to handle a particular child with severe SEN or behavioural difficulties
f) she is worried to death about money

Or she might just have been rude?

Its crap to say that a TA doesn't need people skills or that she is not there to interact with the parents. Children, especially ones of reception age, are going to have parents who speak for them, or who need information because little lauren has forgotten the message or left the bit of paper somewhere.

If the teacher was the only one who could speak to the parents lessons are going to be very late starting! The TA is not only there to support the children but to support the teacher too and if that means calming anxious parents or fielding whimsical anecdotes then that is what she should do. Being polite and friendly is part and parcel of her job.

TA's are not skivvies, they are respected members of the class team and should conduct themselves as such. Thakfully in our school the TA's are fantastic (as are the teachers) and are never too busy during morning arrivals to interact with both parents and children in a positive manner. Who cares if they go off and talk about "the mother from hell" in the staffroom, as long as they are not doing it in the classroom its not a problem.

Almandine · 21/09/2012 20:04

As a reception TA I would say YANBU.

I do door duty every morning and it is my job to be friendly and welcoming as children come into school and make note of any concerns parents or children may have. This is not in my job description. In fact I open the doors to children, at 8.45am, even though I don't officially start work until 8.50, and I can tell you in those first five minutes (for which I am not paid) I am bombarded by information by 90 parents about who is going home with whom, who fell over on the way to school, which child is constipated and must drink more during the day, who is being collected by Granny, which child has forgotten their home work, which child thew up before breakfast but is now totally fine because mum has a job interview this morning, which families dog was put down yesterday, (yes I hand mum tissues an choke back my own tears Blush) who's Granddad has been taken into a hospice and may not live much longer. It is a really tough part of the day, letting 90 children in all at once. I will be prising a small, sobbing 4 year old off their mother while simultaneously keeping a firm grip on the SN child who would rather run wild around the cloak room than quietly go through to the class room. It is the most manic time of the day.

BUT I do all this with a smile, and genuinely listen to parents concerns because I would be a cow if I didn't. I understand people are delivering their precious baby into our care, and need to know they will be well looked after for the next 6 hours. I will have just dropped my own DC off at their before school club, probably had a row with DD about brushing her hair/ teeth/ told DS off for hitting DD in the car, had to clean up after my own ill cat, etc, and I would hate for the people caring for my own DC to be anything less than smiley, caring and kind.

I'm not sure complaining will do much good, though. If you do want to complain, I think you need to think very carefully how you go about it. Give her a bit more time. I didn't really like one of DDs reception TA's, and she turned out alright in the end.

AnOldieButNotSoGoody · 21/09/2012 20:15

Fucking hell.

I cannot believe some of the responses on here.

I would say the next time she ignores you ' I said hi and good morning '

Even if she's got other stuff going on she should not be rude.

Almandine · 21/09/2012 20:51

If the OP had posted about a grumpy key worker in an expensive day nursery, I expect the responses would be very different.

Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 21/09/2012 21:00

I can't believe nokidshere said "A TA is not a skivvy."

As though only "skivvies" have to be pleasant and kind to others!

Is that what you think nokids that "Skivvies" should smile and be polite to others in return for the same treatment in a PROFESSIONAL SETTING...and that teaching assistants can be rude and ignorant?

OP posts:
Almandine · 21/09/2012 21:10

Op, I think you misunderstood nokidshere.

"TA's are not skivvies, they are respected members of the class team and should conduct themselves as such."

I took that to mean TA's should conduct themselves in an appropriate manner(cheerful, respectful, etc), because they professionals.