To complain about cold and unfriendly teaching assistant?

[BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts]

DD2 has just begun in reception at the school where my DD1 is. It is a lovely school...just gorgeous and everyone is happy with it.

However...there is a teaching assistant there who is so unfriendly as to appear hostile. She's in the reception class and she is one of those people who has a cold expression all the time.

Today I said "Hi...good morning!" to her as I left DD to go into the line up and she looked at me like I was a piece of shit. No exaggeration...she looked directly into my eyes and kept her face still with a cold expression.

It was quite upsetting to then watch my DD go in there...under her care...even partially! She's done this on another occasion but I put it down to maybe she was having a bad morning.

My question is this...should I give her one more chance to pick up her demeanor... keep being friendly....and if she carries on, then complain to the HT? or the teacher?

I just don't feel happy about it.

Yeah... I was worried that DD would go into the class where there is a similar TA. She didn't but I would have been exactly like you if she had

Ahhhhh, now YADBU!

You do realise that not everyone your DCs come in contact with won't be light, fluffy and sparkly, don't you?

No Nanny....I don't. I thought the world was made of dandelion fluff and sparkles!

Aaaaargh, don't mention sparkles! Round here it's like saying Voldemort!

Eeek, that sentence was convoluted.
Try again: You do realise that not everyone your DCs come in contact with will be light, fluffy and sparkly, don't you?

(or be made from danedlion fluff...!)

OFGS!

Dandelion !

It's bedtime Nanny!

{polishes fluffy ass whupper ready for tomorrow}

Fredworms I like your name.

Monkey see monkey do.I'd hope to fuck she displays better manners with the children.

Huge respect for OP for surviving a disgraceful flaming with grace and humour

OP the TA sounds like a po-faced cow. I agree with FredW, model appropriate behaviour to her and hope it rubs off. And be happy that you don't have to look at that face in the mirror every morning.

I went to bed working myself up about this and took ages to get to sleep.

OK, so the OP is supposed to put up with bonkers behaviour from the ill-mannered TA but if she complains the class teacher/head will think she's a time-wasting nutter?

I think those teachers who have posted to this effect have demonstrated clearly the "them-and-us" culture that pervades our primary schools.

Not very good really, is it?

Thanks remsby

I would find this unacceptable behaviour in my staff - as would the rest of the large organisation I work for. We are all required to look friendly, approachable and helpful and to make eye contact.

I don't think it acceptable for a TA to behave like this no matter if she happens to be good with the children - it's simply not professional and for my staff would definitely be a performance issue, whether they are front of house staff or otherwise, and whether or not they were good at other parts of the role.

Take it up with the head, OP, it's just not good enough, and there is no need for this behaviour. If this person is socially awkward it needs addressing and surely she would personally benefit from developing her social awareness and social skills.

There is no "bonkers behaviour" described. Only a (bonkers?) perception of a 'behaviour'. And a (bonkers.) reaction.

I can see where the OP is coming from. All the teachers and TAs my kids have had have naturally modeled to the children basic good manners - ie smiling and greeting people and generally interacting in a pleasant manner. I don't think this is too much to ask from someone who is a big part of a child's world for a year.

OP give it a few more weeks, keep trying and then assess if there is really a problem. The main thing is that your daughter is happy, but you also should be comfortable interacting with the teacher and TA. It is not as if you are harassing them to discuss your DD while they are setting up for the day - a basic greeting is normal professional behaviour.

I think behaviour like this would be quickly picked up on in the school I work in. In fact anyone who behaved like this wouldn't be given a job in the first place. It is extremely unprofessional.

It sounds like someone needs to have a quiet word with this TA before there are major rumblings from the parents. If this doesn't work then some training needs organizing. It is the responsibility of her line manager to deal with it.

Keep a note of times/dates for another ten days OP. Then if there are no improvements you will have to speak to the head or whoever is the TA's line manager.

brdgrl

" ...she looked directly into my eyes and kept her face still with a cold expression".

That's definitely bonkers. Well, it is where I live.

Wowzings. There is a lot of strawman arguing going on here....

"Well should she smile at EVRYONE she passes??"
"She needs to be CONSTANTLY smiling does she?!"
"So she needs to greet and smile with EVERY parent in the WORLD does she??!!"
etc...

No....but I find that when someone greets me and smiles i automatically smile and greet back....if anything it would take more of an effort to look at them with no expression and not smile back.

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP, I thought some posters had a point when they said that she could have not heard properly and her expression was one of 'did she just say something...?', but then you said she'd done it to your DH as well.

She seems rude.

Well, it depends, Hemlet.
What op thinks is a pleasant friendly smile could in fact be a maniac gurning grimace that frightened the living Christ out of the TA. We all have our blind spots...

The real test is - does she relate to the other parents the same way? From the op's post, it doesn't appear so. Why not?

op if you are still reading...

I agree with you. A TA needs to be friendly, I don't give a fig what might have happened that morning, it is unprofessional to not say "hello" with a smile.

My home situation is really difficult at the moment, I still manage to smile and treat others with respect.

At our school there is only one nice TA, the others all have selfish motives.

So, YANBU :)

The OP has said it's a lovely, happy school. The TA has worked there for some time. Surely if the TA was surly, cold and rude her behaviour would have been picked up on already?
People are saying it doesn't matter, not because they think it's ok to be rude, but because they think that the OP is probably misreading the whole thing.

Can people honestly say that they have never failed to acknowledge someone, or looked through someone, because their mind is elsewhere? It's possible that she seemed to be looking into the OP's eyes but actually just didn't really see her.

I haven't read all of the responses OP but just wanted to tell you that I am always offending people by 'ignoring' them.

I am actually quite nice and friendly, but have a tendency to daydream and when I'm thinking about something in depth I completely switch off - I walk past people I know, look directly at good friends and completely blank them.

Most people know this by now - they say 'oi' or give me a prod, but I often wonder how many people I have unintentionally pissed off over the years. I would actually be really upset if I knew!

So, I would urge you to consider that she might be quite nice really and give her another chance.

Maybe she's deaf. My lovely dad often behaves the way you've described if he hasn't caught what someone's said and isn't sure whether or not they were speaking to him. Rather than embarass himself by asking them to repeat it, he'll just sort of stare them out and assume that they will (through the power of stare) realise that he didn't hear and repeat themselves.

I'm used to it but I've seen it make others, who don't realise he is almost completely deaf, uncomfortable.