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AIBU?

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Original poster

To complain about cold and unfriendly teaching assistant?

273 replies

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 20/09/2012 22:48

DD2 has just begun in reception at the school where my DD1 is. It is a lovely school...just gorgeous and everyone is happy with it.

However...there is a teaching assistant there who is so unfriendly as to appear hostile. She's in the reception class and she is one of those people who has a cold expression all the time.

Today I said "Hi...good morning!" to her as I left DD to go into the line up and she looked at me like I was a piece of shit. No exaggeration...she looked directly into my eyes and kept her face still with a cold expression.

It was quite upsetting to then watch my DD go in there...under her care...even partially! She's done this on another occasion but I put it down to maybe she was having a bad morning.

My question is this...should I give her one more chance to pick up her demeanor... keep being friendly....and if she carries on, then complain to the HT? or the teacher?

I just don't feel happy about it.

OP posts:
halloweeneyqueeney · 20/09/2012 23:37

not read the whole thread but re: the OP, I felt that way about one of DS's nursery nurses, she was abrupt and cold.. she also turned out to be DS's favourite Confused, for some reason the kids like her? I felt okay about her once I realised that, it doesn't matter if she's not an adult person so long as the children don't see what we see in her

akaemmafrost · 20/09/2012 23:38

I didn't read the op as a mum taking umbrage over the slightest thing but one who is a bit nervous and on edge about her 4 year old starting school and is looking for a bit of reassurance from the TA. The TA for whatever reason has not supplied it and the op is a bit stressed about what this might mean for her child. I think some people have been really unkind on this thread and jumped on her without thinking about why she might be feeling a bit sensitive.

MrDobalina · 20/09/2012 23:39

most of the staff at my dd2s nursery are all super sweet and friendly...I know its 'a show'...it is what is required of them...there are some I have known longer because they were there when dd1 was there...they are more relaxed with me, and more honest and open about there emotions/what kind of day it has been/ how the kids have been/how life is for them.....I warm to them much more....because i know i am getting the truth...i cant be doing with sugar-coating. Its pointless. Why demand it OP?

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 20/09/2012 23:39

And wrt TAs as service industry, a parent once told an HLTA at work that she needed to listen to him carefully as he "paid her wages" Shock Grin

flow4 · 20/09/2012 23:39

If you work in school/early years settings and you don't think parents are very important, you might like to have a look at this free resource peal.org.uk/pdf/Activities_bookletV3_LoRes.pdf

TheCalmingManatee · 20/09/2012 23:40

I would hope that the TAs and teachers would be friendly and approachable, but to judge this woman as not so, because of one "look" is madness, madness i tell ye.

OP - goading aside, its horrible when we have to "let go" of our babies and entrust them to other people. It can be really upsetting, especially if you have reservations. But really, do base it on how your DD feels, she will soon give you a good idea of how she likes school. If you take issue with the TA it is going to cause bad feeling and tension, this is NOT what you want in your childs first days at school. Let it go, there are bigger issues

bbface · 20/09/2012 23:40

Mrd, absolutely. And that is why I say the op needs to bide her time to establish whether she is crap because being crap IS a cause for cplaint, whereas being rude is ot necessarily. Point is, being unfriendly and off hand are not characteristics that inspire confidence in a parent when leaving their child and word want to make damn sure that the TA is not behaving how she does with me, with my child.

Morloth · 20/09/2012 23:44

So you would actually complain to someone's actual boss because they didn't smile at you?

Kids are like cats, they are attracted to the grumpy people, generally because those people don't tend to treat them like little idiots who need bouncy happy smiley crap all the time.

If your DD says something about being uncomfortable or whatever then you would have a point, but being pleasant to parents is not a requirement of being a good TA I would think.

FredWorms · 20/09/2012 23:45

There was a TA like this when my older two were at primary; very cold, no social skills at all.

She is now to be spotted occasionally doing filing and admin type-stuff at the far-distant end of the office. I'm glad she's not on the front-line any more, it was bloody horrible being faced with that every morning.

I don't think you're being over-sensitive at all, OP. I remember being almost scared when my first started school, it's like starting school yourself all over again with all the playground worries and anxieties. I think those that work in that environment can all-too easily forget that.

flow4 · 20/09/2012 23:46

Lots of parents taking their children to school/nursery for the first time feel very uncomfortable and intimidated... What often happens is that, as well as worrying about their child's current experiences, they are 'thrown back' into their own school experiences. Parents who had a terrible time at school (and let's face it, there are many of these) can feel terrible again as they drop their child at the school gate/nursery door. It really helps if staff are aware of this, but many aren't...

FredWorms · 20/09/2012 23:47

x-post flow4 Grin

FredWorms · 20/09/2012 23:48

You'd be unwise to complain about it though OP, if not entirely unreasonable.

SoleSource · 20/09/2012 23:49

Manners cost nothing Yanbu. I would ask her why she feels it is ok to not respond to your greeting. It is so rude !totally unecesdary and unwarranted.

Triffiddealer · 20/09/2012 23:49

OK OP, you've got a real hammering here. But personally, I think it's incredibly rude and unprofessional for a teacher or a TA not to acknowledge a hello or a good morning from a parent - I would consider that fairly intrinsic to their job. My DC have had many excellent teachers (and some 'just-competent' ones) throughout their school life and I can't think of a single one who would respond to a parent like that. I would also be concerned about a 'cold' or 'unfriendly' personality being anywhere near reception kids.

That said, you did say that she looked at you 'as if you were a piece of shit' - and that sounds like your own insecurities talking. She may well have been very nervous, distracted or upset about something. The important thing is how she treats the children.

Keep saying good morning to her, and if the behaviour continues (perceived rudeness) I don't see any problem with raising the issue with the head. If I was a head teacher and one of my TAs responded to parents' greetings like that, I'd want to know and would do something about it.

SoleSource · 20/09/2012 23:50

Never had tbis rxperience myself. Not once in 12 years.

flow4 · 20/09/2012 23:50

Grin FredW!

Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 20/09/2012 23:51

It DOES make me feel like I'm back at school! In fact, I'm gonna wait for her behind the bike sheds and whup her ass. Or put a cap in it...or whatever they do these days.

{runs back to hills}

OP posts:
Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 20/09/2012 23:52

Thanks Triffid.

OP posts:
SoleSource · 20/09/2012 23:52

Being deliberatly unfruendly dies not exactly instill co.fidence in her social ability with tbe chdren. She may be fine, but crap impression.foolish of her.

BlueSkySinking · 20/09/2012 23:52

A reception TA has to seem welcoming, approachable and helpful. Talk to the teacher if she isn't. You need to find the TA approachable.

How do the kids find her?

Nanny0gg · 20/09/2012 23:54

I worked with a TA who, quite frankly, scared some of the staff. And yes, she could be sharp with children. Beneath it she had a heart of gold.
But she worked her socks off, always did everything she could to make a child (of whatever ability) try their best and often made them succeed way beyond the parents' expectations. And would do anything for anyone.

Don't judge a book by its cover.

FredWorms · 20/09/2012 23:55

Funny how threads can turn about.

Anyway, I think what you should do is show her how to behave. Say hello and smile every morning (and not in a gritted-teeth sarcastic way, however tempted you may be).

Then spend the day basking in your benevolence and all-round superiority.

flow4 · 20/09/2012 23:55

OK OP, that's useful to recognise :) Perhaps if you say to yourself, "Ha, this isn't my school, DD won't have the horrible time I had" as you walk to school in the morning, you'll feel reassured and a bit more relaxed... And I bet if you're able to be genuinely friendly to this TA, you'll wear her down she'll relax too eventually! Grin

flow4 · 20/09/2012 23:57

FredW, are we secretly the same person?! Wink Grin

Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 20/09/2012 23:59

No flow I told you...I'm going to whup her arse.

Grin
OP posts: