To complain about cold and unfriendly teaching assistant?

[BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts]

DD2 has just begun in reception at the school where my DD1 is. It is a lovely school...just gorgeous and everyone is happy with it.

However...there is a teaching assistant there who is so unfriendly as to appear hostile. She's in the reception class and she is one of those people who has a cold expression all the time.

Today I said "Hi...good morning!" to her as I left DD to go into the line up and she looked at me like I was a piece of shit. No exaggeration...she looked directly into my eyes and kept her face still with a cold expression.

It was quite upsetting to then watch my DD go in there...under her care...even partially! She's done this on another occasion but I put it down to maybe she was having a bad morning.

My question is this...should I give her one more chance to pick up her demeanor... keep being friendly....and if she carries on, then complain to the HT? or the teacher?

I just don't feel happy about it.

AND DH did this independently of me...he was worried that she was cold to him because he brought DD 5 minutes late one day

There are some ridiculous and crazy posts on this thread. In what world is it acceptable to be rude?!

I agree with Hecate and the OP. actually OP, if it continues to happen I would complain. In any job, common courtesy is a basic and key skill. If the TA doesn't have it, she shouldn't be in the job, no matter how good she is with the kids.

But you have said before that you have seen her communicating effectively with the children? So that shouldn't be a worry.

Ok. ( I did say I hadn't read thread )

You need to monitor it. On Monday when you see her smile and say good morning.

See how she is for a week.

Then if she's still off speak to the head.

MissAnnersly...because parents need to speak to TA's on occasion..to sort out things re their children. Her attitude makes it hard.

I agree with 'Oldie'. But have a word with the teacher first.

Thanks for all the support and advice people. I think I will hide this thread now...so I don't keep coming back to it!

Op

I would have agreed with you wholeheartedly until I began working in a school, and met people who i had previously assumed to be rude and discovered they are actually quite unconfident with parents. I think some others have made really valid points.

Whilst basic manners are incredibly important, I do think you should focus on your daughter here - there is not a perfect correlation between how much a parent likes a teacher/ Ta and how effective that person is, or how much a child likes them. It's surprising but Ime true

Is she East European?

My Dd has an East European swim teacher. He takes his role very seriously and never smiles at parents (and is very, very blunt in his feedback). I think it was part of his training in some way that being too smiley & chatty trivialises the responsibility iyswim.

He's fine with the DC. Puts on a show - with big OTT happy and sad faces to chivvy them through the tasks. They progress fast with him.

X post

Actually, your primary relationship is with the teacher. You can keep your interactions with the Ta to a minimum

FiveRings no...she's British. My older DD has an East European gymnastics teacher who is abrupt but communicative...she only speaks when needed but she is polite.

Jamie...so I should approach only the teacher when asking about DD? Or mentioning something that needs mentioning? Genuine question...I thought TAs were there to provide support for the teacher in things that weren't very pressing.

I suppose what I mean is, if what you have to mention to her isn't very pressing, then the quality of your relationship with her is less important, and should bother you less Iyswim.

It's not about needing to speak to the TA. It's about feeling comfortable and happy with your dd's teacher and TA.

I do think you need to chill a bit OP you are coming across a tad obsessed now.

You don't want your views on this woman blurring what's really going on at this lovely school, do you?

Do hide the thread now - its the weekend, if you sit here defending your argument despite knowing that you are backed into a corner then you are going to spoil the weekend aren't you?

No one is saying its OK that she is rude (if she was) and not that friendly, its a bit pants. People are saying that there is little point in complaining.

Most importantly, its not about you - its about your DD, how SHE enjoys her school day. If you go into school uptight because you are EXPECTING a frosty reception it is going to be self perpetuating and your DD is going to pick up on this and feel less happy about going to school. Why can't you see this?

If you can't manage a modicum of politeness in the morning, you shouldn't be doing a job like teaching/TA, IMO.

OP - as others have said you definitely would have received better responses if you had asked:

"AIBU to be a bit miffed that the TA ignored me when I said hello?"

She should have replied to you, even if she is an unsociable person, but mostly you should focus on her interactions with the pupils.

If you need to discuss your daughter's progress you should be doing that with the teacher anyway, not the TA.

See how it unfolds over a week or two - maybe she is wary of parents putting her on the spot or something?
I've read some horror stories on here about TAs discussing people's children in public etc. and maybe she just worries about being asked things or whatever?

What's this bollocks about the OP needing to hide the thread? She comes back to read the responses, what's wrong with that? CalmingManatee do you hear yourself talking down to another adult?!

Posting in AIBU isn't solely about being forced to change your outlook if most of the responses say YABU. It's a great way to get opinions whether they are similar to your own or not. In fact, comments about OP's not liking responses and how they should leave the thread says more about a poster's petulance that their own opinion isn't accepted.

boomer the OP said herself that she needed to hide the thread calming was just reiterating it.

"I've never paid any attention to who the tas are at my son's school, I'm only ever concerned by who his teacher is. Why would any parental interaction with a ta be necessary?"

Really???!!!! Well I'd try to if I were you! Because half the time we "TA's" are actually teaching the children...wrong oh yes but true...oh yes!
I come in some days and have no info on what we are doing that day and am then told to take a group of children (sometimes the whole class).

I think a lot of people would be shocked at just how much the support staff do in the classroom, yes we clear up sick, put up displays and laminate but we also do so much more.
However a big part of the job is making the children feel happy and relaxed during the school day. So OP yanbu the TA especially in Reception should be friendly, calm and with a smile on her face. I'm sorry you were made to feel so uncomfortable when dropping your little one at school.

AnOldie yes, and look at the way it was said.

We have several LSAs in school but I am just going to write about two. X & Y.

If you were in school first thing in the morning you would see X greeting parents, chatting and generally socialising.

Y would be waiting quietly, if necessary ushering pupils in. She probably wouldn't be smiling because she is very shy.

Which would I rather have working with me in the classroom?

X doesn't actually listen to the children, if I don't intervene and remind her she talks at them or even tells them what they think.
I have to repeatedly explain how I want things done in class. She appears to listen, but doesn't.
Given half a chance she will disappear from class using any spurious excuse to go somewhere else in the school so she is up to speed with all the latest gossip/happenings
After breaks unless I chivvy her along she is invariable late back into class.
I often have to remind her about discretion regarding pupils/parents.
She would love it if I ignored the children and chatted with her about family/friends etc

Y is amazing with the children. She quietly encourages them to work. She is calm and endlessly patient.
She listens to my suggestions regarding learning/behaviour and tries to implement them.
If she is unsure about something she asks.
If there are things that need doing in class she does them without fuss.

So, as a teacher give me Y any day. However, going on first impressions parents probably hope X is working with their child.

I'm not saying this is the case with the TA in the opening post (maybe she is just rude) I'm just saying things aren't always as they first appear.

' look at the way it was said ' indeed. Very nicely I thought.

OP
I would watch and wait so to speak.
TA is either shy or rude.
Having said that, I tend to go with my gut instinct, particularly where DD happiness and welfare are concerned. I would ask the parents of the next class up from TAs class to see what their experience and opinion is.
If school HT etc as lovely as you say they are, I'm sure they would not employ a yucky person. Like tends to attract like and works both ways IYSWIM.