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AIBU?

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Original poster

To complain about cold and unfriendly teaching assistant?

273 replies

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 20/09/2012 22:48

DD2 has just begun in reception at the school where my DD1 is. It is a lovely school...just gorgeous and everyone is happy with it.

However...there is a teaching assistant there who is so unfriendly as to appear hostile. She's in the reception class and she is one of those people who has a cold expression all the time.

Today I said "Hi...good morning!" to her as I left DD to go into the line up and she looked at me like I was a piece of shit. No exaggeration...she looked directly into my eyes and kept her face still with a cold expression.

It was quite upsetting to then watch my DD go in there...under her care...even partially! She's done this on another occasion but I put it down to maybe she was having a bad morning.

My question is this...should I give her one more chance to pick up her demeanor... keep being friendly....and if she carries on, then complain to the HT? or the teacher?

I just don't feel happy about it.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 20/09/2012 23:04

Cold expression? Maybe she can't help her face, some people just look like that.

Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 20/09/2012 23:04

Woffling Unbalanced because she stared me down coldly when I spoke to her.

OP posts:
scarletforya · 20/09/2012 23:04

Expecting a reply to a greeting is not 'needy', it's common manners. What's needy is blanking someone to their face in the hopes of making herself feel....I dunno...important? or something. She's a twat.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/09/2012 23:04

I think you're utterly bonkers.

It's totally possible (cos it happens to me all the time) that she was thinking of something, vaguely heard something, looked up, and then was past you without really getting to the point 'oh, I wonder if she said hello, maybe I could have said hello, oh it's too late now'.

All this you want 'respect' and your kid is 'entrusted' is very entitled. No one has to be polite or say hello to the 50 people they pass every 5 minutes.

I'd never get anything done if I said hello to everyone I passed at school - and I'm the friendly type.

WofflingOn · 20/09/2012 23:05

No, I'm the smiley, gregarious, knowing the name of everyone's hamster sort of teacher. I get hugged by random children in the street who happen to attend the same school.
I just think you are being a bit petty.

Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 20/09/2012 23:05

Missannersly I would be interested to hear what the role of a TA is officially? I know that they assist the teacher...and the kids...doesn't that mean that there is usually some discourse with parents too? And that they need to have a degree of approach-ability?

OP posts:
LadyWidmerpool · 20/09/2012 23:06

I think the fact you are comparing her to a shop or hotel worker speaks volumes.

bbface · 20/09/2012 23:06

Disagree with posters saying that her demeanor is irrelevant and that the key is whether she is good at her job.

Surely a central part of her job as a teaching assistant is welcoming the parents and children, being friendly and approachable, not standing there with a face like a whipped arse. I would say that she is not performing her a job well by being like this.

However, it is very early days, and I would strongly urge you not to report anything. Just keep an eye on it, continue to be friendly, and get a better a feel for it. Obviously if you get a sense that actually she is upsetting your DD, then that is a different matter altogether, but otherwise, just bide your time and see how things develop, and then make your decision in a few weeks.

Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 20/09/2012 23:07

Laurie to feel that my child is in good hands is not "entitled" it's a basic right!

OP posts:
LadyWidmerpool · 20/09/2012 23:08

Also I think you should consider whether those is the kind of issue you want the HT to be spending time on.

tilder · 20/09/2012 23:08

It would take something serious for me to complain. Sounds like you said hello but she didn't smile back. I think her skills as a ta are probably more important than if she smiles at you.

Honestly though. What would you say to the head? 'i want to make a complaint about xx because she didn't smile at me'

LucieMay · 20/09/2012 23:08

I've never paid any attention to who the tas are at my son's school, I'm only ever concerned by who his teacher is. Why would any parental interaction with a ta be necessary?

RTchoke · 20/09/2012 23:09

OP please envisage going in to the Head's office and making this complaint. Actually try and envisage the Head's response. Can you see you'll look slightly high needs and the Head will not be able to say anything that will make you feel better?

It is sad she isn't more friendly but it's not material for a complaint to the Head. Heads have a 1000 nightmares pressing for their attention. Adding this is just pointless.

Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 20/09/2012 23:09

bbface and carlet thank you! At last! I don't want to be bloody crept up to r anything...only treated with common courtesy!

I haven't even considered that she might not be good with the DC....it never entered my head...I just feel that this display seriously shows her up and the school up...in a way which isn't nice.

I will wait and see however as it IS early days.

OP posts:
TheCalmingManatee · 20/09/2012 23:09

Maybe she is shy?? My DDs reception teacher wouldn't maintain eye contact with me when i first met her. I wasn't sure about her at first. Well, my DD sobbed when she had to leave her class a year later, she was a lovely lovely caring teacher, but was just so shy when it came to the mums and dads. Give the TA a chance, she has lots of little newbies to welcome, she is not a shop assistant or a customer service assistant she is there to take care of your child, and that is as far as it goes.

LadyWidmerpool · 20/09/2012 23:09

Just because she blanked you doesn't mean your daughter isn't in good hands!

WofflingOn · 20/09/2012 23:10

Generally a TA works with children under the teacher's direction, does displays, prepares materials and carries out admin tasks. They also get the shitty end of the stick if someone soils themselves, has a playground accident or throws up.
There are a hundred other jobs they carry out, many not listed.
They have to be professional and discreet about the children and the school, so no gossiping.
I don't recall having to engage and chat with parents on a general basis being part of the job description.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/09/2012 23:10

No, it's not a basic right that you 'feel' your child is in good hands - feel free to google what you're human rights actually are Grin

The school has hired the TA according to their employment procedures, she will have met the criteria and been CRB checked.

Saying hello to everyone she passes is unlikely to be part of the criteria.

Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 20/09/2012 23:10

RTChoke yes....possibly I might look a bit high needs but I also think that the fact that the majority on this thread think I am being ridiculous, says a lot about the state of education and what we expect.

I know Heads have FAR more to worry about than one rude TA.

OP posts:
EnglishGirlApproximately · 20/09/2012 23:11

How can you be certain that she heard you? It's possible that she was distracted and looked 'through' you iyswim. It's far too early in the school year to make a judgment. Wait and see how she performs in her job, she might surprise you.

Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 20/09/2012 23:12

Laurie I never said "Human right" though. I said BASIC RIGHT>

I am sure that saying hello to everyone isn't in her job description but I frigging BET that being approachable and polite is.

OP posts:
LadyWidmerpool · 20/09/2012 23:12

How a TA responds when a parent says hello has literally nothing to do with the state of education.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 20/09/2012 23:12

I used to work with someone who was like this. She turned out to have quite bad anxiety. She was phenomenal with the clients (LD) and a wonderful person all round.

Or, maybe she had been dumped that day and was saving all her remaining nice for the kids.

Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 20/09/2012 23:12

Englishgirl....she was about a foot away from me...she looked RIGHT in my eyes.

OP posts:
WofflingOn · 20/09/2012 23:12

She may be fantastic with the children, and insecure about communicating with parents. We have some major power-dressers on our school run who can be very intimidating.