To not want to babysit this elderly lady?

[hoopyloopy2]

I have just booked a once in a lifetime trip to see an old friend in Australia. Having heard about it, someone I know (not a close friend) has asked me if I would mind her booking her elderly mother (80s) on same flight so i can keep an eye on her on the trip (the mum has been thinking of visiting family there but apparently reluctant to travel alone). I really don't want to - this trip is a big treat for me, costing me a lot of money, and with two DCs at home, the flight was going to be some long-awaited me-time. AIBU if I say I can't help? And if not, what on earth do I say without looking like an uncharitable old cow?!

YABU and babysit is an ill thought out term to use

You might not be able to sit next to her anyway - if the bookings are done separately the airline will allocate you seats and the chances of them being next to each other are minimal!!

You don't need to be physically strong! Airport staff will help her all the way and even board her first if necessary. Book your seat now so that you don't sit together. I'm sure that you can manage it with a friendly word here and there. I assume from it that you are not having a stop over?

YANBU, but then I would say that as I often like peace and quiet when travelling.

It's nice to have a chat, but it's nice to not chat too, and without knowing what the woman is like it's a big risk to say yes because it's a heck of a long time to be stuck in one person's company.

The reservations regarding the responsibility is also valid. Switch this around a bit. If your sort-of friend had asked you to accompany her 13 year old daughter, who you'd never previously met, on the flight, how would you feel? Able bodied, expected to be self-sufficient, but one hell of a responsibility. And an older person is the same, just at the other end of the scale.

And what about the return journey, which I think has already been asked. Who is going to look out for her on the way back? Will you be expected to compromise your arrangements to accommodate hers?

I think it would be different if you happened to be on the same flight and the friend had said could you just keep an eye on my mum since she's on your flight, but this is too much. IMO.

I think you have had some harsh responses OP and fwiw YANBU having done this journey a lot with kids it will be a luxury to do this alone! I like travelling alone and would not want the obligation/responsibility - however like you I would feel guilty about it and probably end up saying yes even though I would never ask this of an acquaintance! I think you need to determine the level of need she requires and take it from there - if it is minimal I don't see why the airline cannot fulfil your role. And have a fab time when you go

I think that the friend has a real cheek to ask, it is a huge responsibility.

I would say no and not feel guilty. Yes it is an altruistic gesture but why is it assumed that women should automatically accept chances to make altruistic gestures? All this karma stuff is utter bullshit as well. Who really believes that?

Actually. I've reconsidered a bit. I still think you are NBU, but I think you should just give an outright no.

I'm remembering threads on here about different attitudes. You know, the people who will skirt around a subject and feel bad about asking, and if they're asked to do something will feel bad if they need to say no. And then the ones who will just ask outright and expect you just to say no if it's a problem? Well, do yourself a favour. Assume that this friend is in the latter camp, give an outright no, and don't feel bad about it. Okay, maybe use the MN phrase, 'Sorry, that doesn't work for me' if you feel you must soften the blow. If you end up stuck next to an elderly person, a child or anyone else who is not your ideal seat mate then just make the best of it, but don't create problems for yourself from the outset. I suspect that if you do reluctantly agree it'll be on your mind in the run up and even ruin your anticipation of the holiday.

Totally agree with those who say most of the yes people are people who have never done a long haul flight. I have to NZ. It was the most draining experience of my life. On and off planes, through airports. Coming back was even worse. It took me a month to recover. It's not just a question of sitting next to somebody on a plane and chatting. At some airports you have to take your hand luggage off the plane, through customs and then back on again.

Remember. She asked, not ordered. And one answer to any question is no.

YANBU. I do not like chatting to strangers, and have no experience with elderly people, and would be really uncomfortable with this request, especially on a much needed "me-time" holiday.

Her family really should be the ones going with her, if it means that much for her to go.

Perhaps the elderly mother wouldn't be that comfortable travelling with a strange either.

Luxury me time. Ha Ha. Disillusioned flyer!!

When my elderly mother travelled to Australia she was 74, and we booked her on assisted travel. The airport staff were fantastic and escorted her from the point where she said goodbye to us, all the way to being greeted by our cousins at the far end - and the same on the way back. This included the stopover in Singapore.

It's obviously your choice, but in your position I'd do it. You aren't being given an infant to entertain for the flight. But the flight is important "me" time for you, so you'd need ground rules. I would:

(a) check the level of care first, and make it clear how much you're prepared to do. For example, if she's a bit deaf and confusion arises, would you be prepared to pop over to her seat and help her choose her meal?
(b) book your seats so that you aren't sitting together. Explain that you're a nervous flyer, even if you aren't. (This is because of your me-time and it's perfectly ethical to lie, considering how much your help would mean to the family.)
(c) INSIST that the lady is booked on "Assisted Travel" (or equivalent term). This means that airport staff will help her with flight changes, etc. Say that this would help you be more confident. It's a perfectly reasonable request. At airports, etc. don't rush in to help in case the staff then see it as your responsibility. You're "on hand" but not "helping" IYSWIM.
(d) Find out what the arrangements are for the stopover, as you aren't sitting together. You could chat to her during the stopover, check she's OK, go for a coffee, see her to the lounge or whatever you do? (I've never done the journey so don't know the form.) She might be great company and by that stage you might actually fancy a chat.

Terms to use: "Keep an eye". "Check now and again". "Assisted Travel". It could work out very well.

And if you aren't prepared to do it, then say "No" with a clear conscience, and point them in the direction of Assisted Travel. I can't remember which airline it was, but they were fantastic with my mother. She reports being treated "like a queen" for the entire time.

I wouldn't want to do it but I probably would. What if she dies soon and you are responsible for her never to have seen her family for the last time.

Explain you're happy to do it but you're looking forward to some quiet time so will most likely be listening to your ipod for most of the journey then sit there with earphones on, even if it's not really switched on.

I don't understand why some (the minority, thank goodness) have been so rude to the OP. I can understand if you think she is BU but I don't get why some posters have to be so unpleasant.

I sill think OP is NBU.

I'd say yes because there is virtually no chance of the two of you being sat together. It's hard enough getting seats all together - yes even on long haul - if you are a family with small DCs.

What if she dies soon and you are responsible for her never to have seen her family for the last time.

Don't be silly, that is not the OP's responsibility. How can she be responsible for someone she has never met? If it is that important the friend would accompany her own mother on the trip.

Assisted travel sounds the way to go. I think the friend has a flaming cheek, tbh.

I'm travelling short haul alone next week and am really looking forward to rocking up in good time, when it suits me, mooching around the departures lounge, not having to worry about anyone else etc. YANBU. However, you can't stop someone booking themselves on the same flight as you so it would be kinda hard to say no. If I were you, I would not get back to her (should get the point) and if she asks again, tell her about assisted travel and how she would be much better off with that than you as you won't be very sociable on long haul flights as you watch films, read etc.

I also suspect that the majority in the YABU camp have not done the journey and a also don't really see why people ate up in arms about the term babysitting either!!!

What if she dies without seeing her family? wtactualfuckityfuck?
How on earth would that ever be the OP's fault?

And it is not just a 3 hour flight to Italy or whatever.

It is a hugely long flight to Australia which is exhausting in itself, without the responsibility of someone who is elderly and a nervous traveller - so the OP should take the responsibility for a stranger for toilet trips and food for 24 hours or so, any stopovers, great big treks through the airport, baggage claim - all for someone she has never previously met just to be seen as adhering to a perceived social code?

I wonder if on gransnet there is a thread saying AIBU my friends daughter is going to Australia and I have been asked to keep an eye on her. It is my last opportunity to go and I don't want to babysit this youngster.

How does the friend know what flight the OP is on anwyay? Surely she can't just book her mother anyway without knowing the flight number?

I agree, those of use who have made this trip several times know that it's bloody exhausting and you're never quite sure how you're going to feel when you get there. Sometimes you can get some sleep on the plane and sometimes you just can't.

There is also always a change of planes by which stage you are usually already knackered.

Going to Australia from the UK is not at all the same as going to (for eg) NYC or LA. You go for more or less 24 hours without sleep. It's not about the jet lag, it's about the complete and utter exhaustion from sleep deprivation.

It's hard enough when on your own changing flights and you can suit yourself whether you want to go and take a walk around the airport (you often don't have much time) or getting a coffee or window shopping or whatever. Having to look after someone else would really be a nightmare for some of us.

A 12-hour flight, for eg, would be a nice (and big) favour to do for someone. The 24-hour journey is just far too much for many people and YANBU to say no.

There have been hundreds of threads on mumsnet when people complain that other people are unkind or unwelcoming to their children and everyone gets on their high horse and says how unfriendly we are to children; it seems to me that many mumsnetters seem to think it perfectly acceptable to be unkind to older people.

Have none of you been on a plane and needed help with your child?

As other said, meet the lady first, many 80 year olds (like my parents ) are incredibly fit and sprightly.