To not want to babysit this elderly lady?

[hoopyloopy2]

I have just booked a once in a lifetime trip to see an old friend in Australia. Having heard about it, someone I know (not a close friend) has asked me if I would mind her booking her elderly mother (80s) on same flight so i can keep an eye on her on the trip (the mum has been thinking of visiting family there but apparently reluctant to travel alone). I really don't want to - this trip is a big treat for me, costing me a lot of money, and with two DCs at home, the flight was going to be some long-awaited me-time. AIBU if I say I can't help? And if not, what on earth do I say without looking like an uncharitable old cow?!

YANBU - and don't let anybody on this thread guilt-trip you. You are taking a break from your responsibilities, and agreeing to look after another person on a flight is a responsibility. And why isn't the daughter going with her mum herself? If it were my parent, no way would I dump them on someone else, and especially not on someone I didn't know very well. Bloody hell.

I'd like to think I'd say yes, but I know I'd hate it if someone I didn't know sat next to me on such a long trip and insisted on talking to me all the time, when all I wanted to do was to read/watch films/snooze as the fancy took me. But of course the lady might be lovely; she may also be wanting 'me-time' to do all that herself.

Do you know the daughter well enough to ask what kind of traveller her mum is before you commit yourself? You don't need to put it as bluntly as 'Yes, I'll look out for your mum, but not if she sits next to me and talks all the time!'

I don't think OP is expected to make the booking herself. She says: someone I know (not a close friend) has asked me if I would mind her booking her elderly mother (80s) on same flight so i can keep an eye on her on the trip.

Yes exactly, I wouldn't be booking the flight.

I would do it but want my own space on the plane. It would be nice to help

Yanbu actually as I lie here and think twice

if you say no, you do realise karma will sit you next to the most awful smelly/fat/chatterbox who will probably die on the flight in the world don't you??

seriously-better the devil you know!

I would want to know an AWFUL lot more about the woman's independance and anxieties first, could end up biting off more than you could chew! also it would be on a few conditions: like if the airline offloads one of you ITS NOT YOUR FAULT, It is accepted that you might need to change your flights for some reason - my mum once agreed to travel with a few other people, she couldn't go, one of the other women said that she couldn't go if my mother didn't go as she was only going because there'ld be all of them..and bullied my mum into paying her cancellation fee!

my other condition would be, if they want to check in with me, they need to check in when I want to check in - I HATE cutting it fine and don't mind passing time at the gate, I would not be on the final countdown waiting at check in for her to meander up!

hoopyloopy I'd hate to have been put in this position. I've flown to/from
australia a couple of times by myself in recent years and there is no way on EARTH I'd want to have to make that journey in the company of
another person that I don't know well. Like a previous poster, I too am an introvert and i like the freedom of being able to entertain myself during a flight and during the waits at airports, and to lose myself in a rare opportunity to wander, sit, read, think, without having to take into account the fact that another person is there. I don't think it's very fair of them to ask you. If their mother needs help, then they should make an alternative arrangement. If she doesn't need help but wants company, they should respect the fact that you equally DO NOT want company.

Teeheeeheee or someone with a poor screaming baby or two.

Make sure she doesn't sit beside you, just don't tell her her seat number and arrange to see her on the other side of security when all of the checking in is done. Tell concerned daughter that you don't want to interfere too much as the airlines should step up to the mark for her DM (providing golf cart for ferrying etc) but that you will chat to her while you wait for flights.

I couldn't bear to have someone to look after whilst hanging about in Singapore airport at 2am after almost no sleep, awful. But you could look out for her when it's time to board again and have a chat.

It's a bit of a cheek really as the flight is so long.

oops should have been 'don't tell her YOUR seat number'

I agree with the YANBU camp. Easy for others to say they would do it, but they've not been asked to. There's no way I'd want this situation and I don't agree that the trip to where you're going is only the means to an end. I work hard all year and when I go on holiday, I make sure that it starts the minute I arrive at the airport. The journey is part of the whole experience. I think saying you are an extremely nervous flyer was a good suggestion. Good luck with your decision!

I would want to check how much help exactly they were expecting the lady to need, but, presuming she's fit and well and compus mentis, and she was just nervous of making such a long journey on her own, then of course I would help. I would think it very different from babysitting.

No way I would do this either. And I think the daughter has a cheek to ask it of you, frankly.

You are not responsible for granny getting to Australia. You don't even know her FFS!

I'm surprised at all the comments talking in favour of it, and making you feel somehow bad if you breezily don't just say, "Sure, no problem!" - it's a huge responsibility to have to take care of an ageing stranger on a flight to the other side of the world.

Incidentally, due to a late take-off, I had less than an hours grace at Singapore airport to catch an ongoing flight and I literally had to RUN!

There's no way I'd commit to sit next & "companion" a stranger on a long flight. But I would, of course, agree to help her through the many weirdnesses of long-haul travel: connections, protocols re food, sleep & time zones, finding luggage, etc.

I very much doubt that an elderly person would want to make conversation with a younger woman she didn't know for 30 hours, anyway! She'll be knackered!

So, yes, I'd discuss with the daughter and clarify. Then provide the practical assistance.

Have a great time! :)

... I take sleeping pills on long flights, so would have an easy get-out on the companionship front. An obvious alternative is to make it clear you'll be reading your book/watching all the films/plugged into your ipod for the duration.

Yanbu! I'd hate to be expected to travel with anyone I didn't know, whatever their age! Awkward!

YANBU.

I cannot think of anything worse than being stuck with a someone that I don't know on a trip of a lifetime. I would want to stuff my face with airline food and mini wine bottles and read trash fiction.

OK she may be fine, maybe she is an aging celeb with loads of funny stories to tell but she may be a tedious old bore and may require a lot of help and attention. If it was a relative or my best friend's mum I would maybe grin and bear it but a not close friend - no way. If they can't be arsed to look after their own elderly relative why shoudl they expect you to do it?

Just say I'm really sorry but I would feel uncomfortable in this situation - is they no longer want to be your not close friend as a result - well ce la vie, Additionally you could say that you would feel uncomfortable about having to take responisbility if anything untoward happened e.g. stroke/ heart attack.

I have done this, unwittingly, en route to NY. A woman from the same place in southern Ireland as my mother talked AT me the whole flight. She would not let me rest, watch a movie or read. She INSISTED on chatting the whole way fro Heathrow. 6.5hrs of incessant chatter about people I didnt know, would never meet, nor frankly care about. Utter torture.

I told her I wanted to watch a movie. She would say 'in a minute I just have to tell you about Paddy's mother's dog's cousin'. I was too polite to tell her to feck off. And when I did finally get a moments peace she would disturb me telling me she didn't know how to work the inflight entertainment system. Even though I had explained it fifteen feckin times before. It got v wearing but I could not fob her off. She was the same age as my mother, from the same southern Irish town.

When we landed at JFK she insisted on taking a cab with me which cost me a lot of extra time and money than it should have origanlly cost. But ultimately she was sweet and lonely.

So what I'm saying is YANBU. I wouldn't do it again, I enjoy travelling alone too much and I'm nobody's carer.

YADNBU.

I would say no.

You don't even know the woman. Flights are a time to sleep, relax and do your own thing.

My favourite flights are those I take alone.

No Is a complete sentence . Can be used in this circumstance.

Suppose this could be the old ladies last chance to see these family members, and that is why the daughter is asking what amounts to a large favour.

I would be tempted to explain your reservations and concerns to the daughter, who would probably understand anyway, and see if you could meet the lady in question (without her realising she is being vetted) and see if you could tolerate her company.

Can totally understand you wanting the time to yourself but my heart strings would be plucked and I would be tempted to at least explore the request further.

If the daughter showed no understanding of why you weren't jumping into it without looking I would take that as a reason to say no, after all, it is no small thing. But you could be granting a very dear wish to someone at minimal disadvantage to your life in the grand scheme of things.

I would accompany the woman. Perhaps 'accompany' is all the OP is being asked to do.

If she needed help during the journey, isn't that what the airport and airline staff are for?

The woman in question might also be a seasoned traveller but as I've found some aspects become hard work.