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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to babysit this elderly lady?

391 replies

hoopyloopy2 · 20/09/2012 22:30

I have just booked a once in a lifetime trip to see an old friend in Australia. Having heard about it, someone I know (not a close friend) has asked me if I would mind her booking her elderly mother (80s) on same flight so i can keep an eye on her on the trip (the mum has been thinking of visiting family there but apparently reluctant to travel alone). I really don't want to - this trip is a big treat for me, costing me a lot of money, and with two DCs at home, the flight was going to be some long-awaited me-time. AIBU if I say I can't help? And if not, what on earth do I say without looking like an uncharitable old cow?!

OP posts:
ekidna · 20/09/2012 22:50

have re-read your post properly-chattery teeth grinning expression-
i see where you're coming from
but also,and altho am not religioso- think if you do accompany the lady there might be something that has been ordained in the stars in terms of wisdom imparted, tealeaves read and experiences shared that will make your decade.

mum4041 · 20/09/2012 22:50

I would do it myself but would find out how independent she is first. e.g. does she have carers at home. It might just be a question of helping her find the boarding gate.

AnyoneforTurps · 20/09/2012 22:51

YANBU. I would HATE this: I'm a rampant introvert for one thing so it would be torture to have to talk to a stranger for 27 hours. Plus I spend my working life caring for other people - I'm entitled to some head-space when on holiday.

Easy for people to claim that they would happily do this but I bet most would find an excuse in practice. Just say no.

Trills · 20/09/2012 22:53

I don't want my palms read or my tealeaves read.

Trills · 20/09/2012 22:53

And I don't want to sit next to or talk to anyone who wants to discuss that kind of thing.

tutu100 · 20/09/2012 22:54

Which airline are you flying with. My GM flew out to Australia when she was 73 on her own. She was very nervous as she hadn't flow for years. My Dad took her to the airport, got her on the flight and explained at the check in that she was very frightened about the flying and the change over at Singapore. The check in people must have spoken to the flight attendants as they really looked after my GM and made sure she was ok during the flight and got the correct connecting flight. Maybe you could suggest that to your friend if it lets you off the hook.

ZacharyQuack · 20/09/2012 22:56

YANBU. I wouldn't want to do it either.

I am an unchartiable cow, and I love travelling by myself.

overthehill · 20/09/2012 22:56

I agree with those who say you should consider it seriously: she's obviously quite something if she's brave enough to go to Australia in her 80s and you might find that you really enjoy her company and gain a lot from the contact (I've never been on a long-haul flight but I imagine it could be quite tedious if you're on your own), and surely the time in Australia will be me-time. How about asking her daughter if you could meet her beforehand to see how you get on before making the decision?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 20/09/2012 22:56

It's load of bollocks Trills but she was charming and lovely and I humoured her. Also, I have had the best luck with everyone on planes travelling with my DD (12 times in her first two years). Karma or just luck or maybe I come across as the kind of awesome person people like to help and be helped by? Who knows?

My thinking is either tell her straight and if someone thinks you are an uncharitable old cow, maybe you are fine with that. Maybe you are an uncharitable old cow or maybe you aren't. That's for your conscience.

Floggingmolly · 20/09/2012 23:02

Yes you are being miserable; you're going on a holiday - the flight is only the means to an end, not the holiday itself. What sort of me-time had you in mind, stuck in a seat on a plane? I doubt she'd interfere with whatever you had planned Hmm too outrageously. If she'd asked to actually join you on holiday, of course, I could understand your dismay.

catwoo · 20/09/2012 23:04

I think she just wants someone to see her through the airport not entertain her throughout the flight.k

Trills · 20/09/2012 23:04

What sort of me-time had you in mind, stuck in a seat on a plane?

You must be a bit unimaginative if you can't think how sitting in a seat with films on demand and food and drink brought to you could be a nice rest, particularly if the OP has children (which is pretty likely).

TheCrackFox · 20/09/2012 23:05

YANBU

I wouldn't want to do it either.

Original poster
hoopyloopy2 · 20/09/2012 23:07

Yes, with 2 kids, the idea oone long-haul trip with books, films and having to look after no one but myself was a big part of the trip's appeal. But the majority of you are clearly more noble than me!

OP posts:
G1nger · 20/09/2012 23:09

I'm not more noble.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 20/09/2012 23:10

There is no need for you to do it. Airlines provide escorted wheelchair service from check in right through to the arrivals on the other side. I think the person asking you is being U.

I fly ALL the time and an 80 year old will be fine without your assistance. Why doesn't her family travel with her?

nancy75 · 20/09/2012 23:11

I think if it was a quick flight to Spain or somewhere I would be more inclined to say yes, but flying to oz is so awful I can't imagine having to look out or someone I didn't even know.

Floggingmolly · 20/09/2012 23:12

How much "looking after" do you think she might need? She will hardly interfere with your watching films and stuffing your face, she's probably just a nervous flyer and doesn't want to feel completely alone.

catsrus · 20/09/2012 23:12

For me the journey is one of the best bits of a holiday - and I love going away on my own.

You also say that they have asked you to book the lady onto the same flight, so you would have to take responsibility for doing that too? no way would I do it. I might say if she's on the same flight I will make sure she's ok for the transfers, baggage etc. - the problematic bits - but I would not take responsibility for booking her flight and sitting with her. She is not your child.

Pumpster · 20/09/2012 23:15

Yanbu. I would hate this and cannot abide making small talk with strangers.

Viviennemary · 20/09/2012 23:16

I must say I didn't like the title of your thread. But this is a very very long and tiring flight. Not to mention stops at airports. And I don't think you are being unreasonable not to want this responsibility. I don't think it is very fair of them to ask you.

itsjustmeanon · 20/09/2012 23:17

ooooh, I'd end up travelling with the elderly mother. I'm rubbish at saying no. Good luck.

FancyBread · 20/09/2012 23:18

YANBU, I wouldn't want to do it. I would feel like it might cramp my style. The airlines provide a service for this type of thing. My elderly MIL uses it and it works excellently, she gets to jump queues and always seems to like the people assigned to escort her.

I would not lie, I would just say that you are sorry but that you are unable to help.

Noqontrol · 20/09/2012 23:21

She probably doesn't need much looking after anyway if she's making that kind of journey. I would expect it to be more of a confidence thing, someone to be with to make the connecting flights, a friendly face from home sort of thing on the same flight. Rather than a sea of strangers. I guess she could sit and bend your ear for hours, but most people tend to plug themselves in and go to sleep, or eat.

Noqontrol · 20/09/2012 23:23

Oh, I wouldn't expect to have to book her on the flight myself though. Why cant your colleague do that?