To not want to babysit this elderly lady?

[hoopyloopy2]

I have just booked a once in a lifetime trip to see an old friend in Australia. Having heard about it, someone I know (not a close friend) has asked me if I would mind her booking her elderly mother (80s) on same flight so i can keep an eye on her on the trip (the mum has been thinking of visiting family there but apparently reluctant to travel alone). I really don't want to - this trip is a big treat for me, costing me a lot of money, and with two DCs at home, the flight was going to be some long-awaited me-time. AIBU if I say I can't help? And if not, what on earth do I say without looking like an uncharitable old cow?!

You nasty person, I always talk to my neighbours on a flight. I always take family photo's to show them and insist on seeing theirs, then there's the lovely stewardess's who'll bring you pillows and booze. Unfortunately as I always insist on a window seat and have to go to the loo frequently they sometimes become unfriendly, I just report it to the cabin crew and they're usually escorted off after the emergency landing.

Of course you do.

Yeah, cos romanticising the increased (oft decidedly variable and unpredictable) needs of the over 80s magics away the plethora of real issues potentially hurling a serious spanner in the works for an elderly person during long haul travel.

And minimising the efforts required of those asked to ke an eye on them does wonders to make an unreasonable imposition from acquaintances look like they are doing you a favour by offering free in-flight entertainment.

Don't forget now ladies, "nice girls" don't say "no" or "what about me?".

Toombs

Well that'll teach me not to refresh before I post

I hope you read palms as well, toombs, whether asked to or not

Toombs don't forget to lean your seat as far back as possible so that the person behind you has the pleasure of inspecting (and discussing) your dandruff, hair colour choice and parting style.

I never speak to others on planes, either, if I'm travelling alone, beyond the cursory and polite.

I'm not there to make friends, I'm there to get to my destination in one piece, at, many times, get work done if possible.

I forgot about the karma pixies!

Noooo don't do it. She might be like my mum, 12 hours on a bus home from Europe and she never stopped talking! Next time I will ask some mug nice person to accompany her.

If you're next to random Mr FartALot or Mr WantsToBendYourEarAboutHisStamps you can say an icy excuse me, turn your back and avoid eye contact for as long as possible. You cannot do that to an elderly lady you have been asked to accompany.

well maybe don't say "excuse me" next to Mr FartALot or people will assume it's you :o

The sad thing is that the elderly lady probably no more wants to be accompanied than the OP wants to accompany.

This elderly lady has possibly been playing the 'ooh I'm too nervous to travel alone card' for years to avoid having to make the trip.

I imagine when the 'friend' said 'mum, I've found someone to travel with you' elderly mum said 'bugger!'.

Why is everyone assuming that someone at 80 even needs assistance ? Being 80 doesnt mean you have to be frail or gaga . The poor woman may not even know about her daughters request and might be mortified if she knew . I am only 40 and have never flown long haul , so i would be a bit nervous too , not incapable or annoying , just nervous .

GnomeDePlume may well have put a well aimed finger on a very good point.

Some truly quality quotes, and indeed poems on this thread.
I wiuld feel obliged to do this, and would be resentful and cross the whole time, because even if I was told to just say hello a couple if times, I just would feel resonsible.

If you assumed responsibility for her then she wouldn't get all the assistance and queue-jumping and help from the staff. On the other hand to 'keep an eye out for her' and be someone she can call on in case of emergency is not an unreasonable request. Just make sure that that is all you agree to.

Its nothing to do with the womans age. The OP doesn't know the woman and doesn't want the responsibility. I am sure she knows she isn't going to be in a 'bubble' on the plane. Is it so wrong to want to choose who you speak to and how you spend your journey. If some on here would happily take on this responsibility --Well thats their choice ,just as others choose not to.

Very long thread, but I agree with SuoceraBlues's post around page 7 or 8 (and probably everything else she's said since ).

I'm sorry, but that's a huge amount of precious alone time to have to spend trying to make small talk, or be alert to someone else's needs. The OP herself has said she's looking forward to that aspect of the trip, and I would feel the exact same way. The pure luxury of it! To watch whatever crap film is on, read whatever you have with you, have a few drinks, or just have a nap. Sounds lovely.

If this woman is worried about her mum going to Australia, surely she's the one to accompany her? It must be her family there, as well? I can only imagine making this request of someone I know very very well (and presumably, who would also know my mother, so for example, a childhood friend). I would do this for a very close friend, but I would not do it for a casual friend. no way.

I posted yesterday that, before committing herself, perhaps OP should find out a bit more about the mother and what exactly 'keeping an eye on her' would entail. But now I'm thinking OP should just be upfront and say no, sorry, too much responsibility - and suggest the Assisted Travel service (perhaps the OP's acquaintance hasn't even thought of that?).

I'm also remembering the time my own mother flew to Australia and back at the age of 73. She was a lovely chatty woman (how unlike her unsociable sod of a daughter!), which probably = bit of a nightmare for anyone sitting next to her who wanted a quiet journey. If I'd known anyone who was a stranger to my mum but who was booked on the same flight, I would not have dreamed of asking them to keep an eye on her. Still less would I have actually deliberately booked Mum on the same flight, as the OP says her acquaintance is thinking of doing.

Can I just add that lots of posters assume there will be a stopover. There might not be - I know my mum decided on the straight-through option because she would have been a bit anxious about coping with a stopover.

In the time we've all ben arguing, OP has flown to Australia. And back.

I agree with the others who said how about saying you'd be happy to accompany her to the flight and help her getting settled on the plane and getting off afterwards but you were looking forward to some quiet time on the plane and want to sit on your own.

I read your OP and nodded all the way through - having done the cross-the-planet flight way more times than I care to remember, and most recently with very small children, the thought of doing it alone, an idea which once filled me with dread, now sounds like utter bliss. Books, movies, some shut-eye, trips to the loo sans audience, a G&T or two - and no interruptions...

However... I probably would agree to it. This is an elderly woman, not a baby or a toddler. Yes, there might be a fair amount of faffing getting to the airport, checking in, boarding and disembarking, but once on the flight I imagine she will be pretty self-sufficient. Plus, by that point, there's cabin crew to attend to her needs.

I'd probably do it - enabling someone to have such an experience (assuming she genuinely, really does want it) is pretty priceless.

I would, however, tell her to book her own Mum on the flight - what are you, her PA?!

but I'm the sort of person who helps old ladies anyway. I think if you're not the type then she's probably better off without you

I help older people too. I recently helped an older lady who fell & split her head. I also help MIL & FIL & great grandmother. I used to live next door to an elderly lady & often did a little shopping for, and the elderly gentleman on the other side. I used to watch out for them & make sure I saw regular activity from them. However, I would not really have liked to accompany either of them on a 24+ flight, so nor would want to accompany a stranger, either.

Your insinuation that op must be bad in some way (saying the lady would be better off without her), just because she doesn't want to do it is rude & unfair.

I love children, used to look after them a lot when younger & when I didn't have children of my own. But I wouldn't want to be committed to do it now. For over a year I looked after a friends ds x2 three days a week & found it very restrictive! So now, if I can't do something I make sure I say so honestly & without guilt.

That, nor the scenario talked about here, make me a bad person. We are all allowed to say no. It doesn't mean anything & doesn't make anyone bad or uncaring!

In your lifetime you might be able to make the trip again ,she might not. She is probably concerned about the airports, the proceedures etc. she will probably be very grateful and leave you in peace once on board. She might need help with the in flight entertainment or whatever but my guess is she will sleep, eat, read, whatever the same as you. Then on arrival the passport stuff can be a pain, collecting baggage etc....you will have to do it for yourself so you could help somebody else as well... You never know you might actually feel good about it. You can always have an extra day on the beach with only a bottle of sun cream for company.... Go on do it make an 80 yr old happy....