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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to babysit this elderly lady?

391 replies

hoopyloopy2 · 20/09/2012 22:30

I have just booked a once in a lifetime trip to see an old friend in Australia. Having heard about it, someone I know (not a close friend) has asked me if I would mind her booking her elderly mother (80s) on same flight so i can keep an eye on her on the trip (the mum has been thinking of visiting family there but apparently reluctant to travel alone). I really don't want to - this trip is a big treat for me, costing me a lot of money, and with two DCs at home, the flight was going to be some long-awaited me-time. AIBU if I say I can't help? And if not, what on earth do I say without looking like an uncharitable old cow?!

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 21/09/2012 16:26

This is the most hilarious thread - I hope that those who pile on the emotional blackmail don't do that with your own families- or trot out twee poems.
The first thing to do is check out the woman- the odds are that she is furious that her family are treating her like a child!
If you don't want to do it just be open about it and politely decline.
If you do, I really don't think that you need to sit together - it is just the reassurance of knowing someone. As I said earlier even DH and I sat across the aisle from each other so we could both get out easily and stretch our legs out.

THETrills · 21/09/2012 16:32

Cokeaholic in the situation we are talking about the colleague and her mum are both in the UK, the mum wants to fly to visit other family.

HoleyGhost · 21/09/2012 16:37

Just say no. You would not be comfortable with the responsibility.

Put it in a text/email if necessary.

Hope you have an amazing time

kerala · 21/09/2012 16:37

The poems, karma talk and passive aggressive "Im just so kiiind" are indeed hilarious.

differentnameforthis · 21/09/2012 16:42

You will be 80 yourself one day and may hate having to ask for help ... How would you feel in her position

If Great grandmother (who is actually dh's family) wanted to visit the UK (we are in Australia) one of us (me, dh, MIL, SIL, uncle or aunt in law) would accompany her.

AnyoneforTurps · 21/09/2012 16:52

i have quite a few friends in the age group of the woman in question

So do I, quoteunquote, but the OP isn't being asked to take a friend; she is being asked to take a total stranger. No one is saying that travelling with an older person is necessarily difficult or unenjoyable. Far from it, lots have posters have pointed out that being asked to take a younger person/teenager might well be worse. The older age of the woman is only relevant because it is the reason that she is considered to need help.

On the bright side, your "your choices define you" was possibly (in a strong field) the most sanctimonious MN posting of all time. So thanks for the laugh.

Mayisout · 21/09/2012 16:57

I have just booked a once in a lifetime trip to see an old friend in Australia. Having heard about it, someone I know (not a close friend) has asked me if I would mind her booking her elderly mother (80s) on same flight so i can keep an eye on her on the trip

Having just read this again I would say NO NO NO.
It is not as though you happen to be on the same flight it sounds as if stupid friend might tell airline not to worry as someone is accompanying her DM, in which case all the super attention that airlines give to old ladies might be cancelled and, knowing the distances you have to walk in airports, and the time you have to stand in queues the journey could be a nightmare.

Very cheeky or non-close friend.

Mayisout · 21/09/2012 16:58

of not or

THETrills · 21/09/2012 16:59

My choices do define me.

My choice is not to commit to spending 24 hours (and a potentially stressful 24 hours) with a stranger.

I am happy for that to be part of what defines me. I am the sort of person who does not want to sign up to spend 24 straight hours in the company of someone I don't know.

lasnosage · 21/09/2012 17:05

I wouldn't do it. Having been on a flight from the uk to LA with an elderly gentleman sat between me and the window, I can say it was the most stressful flight I ever had. The flight attendants knew he was sick but ignored him for the flight. I became his carer for the entire journey, and he needed help with everything. I felt very responsible for this guy but also upset that I was in that position.

SuoceraBlues · 21/09/2012 17:06

You will be 80 yourself one day and may hate having to ask for help ... How would you feel in her position

I'll cut my cloth love. I've already accepted that the day will one day come (should we both live that long) when my sister and I will be unable to visit each other, because we live in different countries.

I'm making the most of the going when the going is good and hoping that the future is of the space age "virtual" communications kind, not the post nuclear Armageddon with despotic robots sort.

drjohnsonscat · 21/09/2012 17:12

agree with everything suocera said.

Having said that I probably would agree to help if I absolutely knew the help consisted of wandering over and saying "everything ok?" twice in 24 hours and lending her an arm to get down the steps. I am a frantic introvert who has been known to avoid the corner shop for fear of the people behind the counter getting to know me and chatting to me. But I am also a frantic wannabe nice person who would not be able to resist doing the "right thing" despite actually being a selfish old bag.

This makes me pious and judgemental and at the same time hugely antisocial. Who wants to come for a party at my house? Grin

Gravenwithdiamonds · 21/09/2012 17:14

The flight to Australia is horrid and exhausting - it's even worse if you have a stopover - 4 hours in KL airport at 3 am is not something I would ever want to repeat. I didn't sleep at all last time I flew from Sydney (noisy, crowded flight) and fainted going through passports.

YAdefinitelyNBU not to want to take responsibility for an elderly lady whom you have never met before. If her family are concerned, one of them should fly with her or ask for assisted travel.

differentnameforthis · 21/09/2012 17:20

She'll probably sleep through most of it! Nobody stays awake talking for 22 hours!

-Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaah- Don't bet on it. For some reason, a lot of people can't sleep on long haul flights. I know that dh & I never do. And dd certainly didn't sleep through most of it at 20mths. And by then, she could sleep soundly at a bloody disco if needed!

thebody · 21/09/2012 17:43

I don't see why you should tbh op.

I don't see why you should have to justify it either.

I totally understand the treat flight to yourself so I would say no.

Women are allowed to say no to a responsibility that's not theirs.

LillianGish · 21/09/2012 18:01

Don't do it if you don't want to. But all this talk about "me time" is laughable. When you are stuck next to some over-weight sweaty passenger oozing over the armrest, or a wailing, vomiting baby, or a family of argumentative kids you might think the old lady was the better option. I'd probably do it, but I'm the sort of person who helps old ladies anyway. I think if you're not the type then she's probably better off without you.

halloweeneyqueeney · 21/09/2012 18:04

"I just feel for the elderly woman wanting to see her family & really think that if she's able-bodied it may be as simple as saying hello at the airport and a bit of a chat on the stopover. "

if that was all she needed then would the lack thereof really be what is prohibiting her from travelling alone????

Ilovedaintynuts · 21/09/2012 18:15

I would never do this.

I work with the elderly, have always been in the 'caring' professions, do charity works and am considered an all round good egg Smile

But fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I've got 3 kids and get no quality time to myself, the thought of all that quiet on a flight to Australia makes me woozy.

I most definitely would NOT want to be responsible for someone that either didn't grow in my uterus or in whose uterus I didn't grow.

Oh blimey all that money and you could have someone you hardly know nattering and farting next to you for 24 hours...urgh.

I bet Karma already owes you some so you'll get away with not doing it scot free.

QuintessentialShadows · 21/09/2012 18:19

Can your not so good friend post on Gum tree and see if there are any Australians going home for a visit she could book her in with for a small fee?

QuintessentialShadows · 21/09/2012 18:22

This is the point I should add that my best friend ended up flying with my husbands aunt (his mums older sister) to see us in Norway for our sons Christening.

Auntie was sick throughout the flight.... She had been so excited, and nervous, she could not eat, but did take some very strong pain killers on an empty stomach, and opted for a glass of red wine to take the edge of it....

It was a case of my friend holding one sick bag, and passing new one over.....

QuintessentialShadows · 21/09/2012 18:22

My husband and I were of course happy that auntie had my friend to look after her. My friend not so...

Floggingmolly · 21/09/2012 18:26

you could have someone you barely know nattering and farting next to you for 24 hours
Well unless you actually charter a plane...

GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt · 21/09/2012 18:27

I think 'fuck that for a game of soldiers' is the perfect summation of this thread. Grin

Along with 'if you're not the type of person to do this then she is better off without you'. Come on Lil that's a bit harsh Grin

halloweeneyqueeney · 21/09/2012 18:29

it actually wouldn't be the flight itself that would worry me (because a random can bend your ear for the whole flight), it'ld be the bits in between - checking in at a relaxing not too rushed time, getting to the gate at a sensible time, where to eat.. all that is what makes travelling with people you DO know stressful never mind someone you don't!

lunar1 · 21/09/2012 18:31

No way would I do this. I'm a nurse and seem to attract people that need a bit of help all the time.

I don't mind but there has to be a limit. What if you agree then need to change your flight or one of your children is I'll so you have to come back early. Will you still be responsible for her?

If it is so important then her family need to accompany her

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