To not want to babysit this elderly lady?

[hoopyloopy2]

I have just booked a once in a lifetime trip to see an old friend in Australia. Having heard about it, someone I know (not a close friend) has asked me if I would mind her booking her elderly mother (80s) on same flight so i can keep an eye on her on the trip (the mum has been thinking of visiting family there but apparently reluctant to travel alone). I really don't want to - this trip is a big treat for me, costing me a lot of money, and with two DCs at home, the flight was going to be some long-awaited me-time. AIBU if I say I can't help? And if not, what on earth do I say without looking like an uncharitable old cow?!

Don't feel obligated if you don't want to as this is clearly not your responsibility and not a favour you would be unreasonable to refuse.
I think it would be a lovely thing to do for someone else though - definitely good karma, and you will feel a warm glow for helping someone else

and you will feel a warm glow for helping someone else

I wouldn't! I'd be furious that I'd been such a mug as to say 'yes' and it would ruin the entire trip for me.

'I've had to run for connecting flights in the past,'

Me, too!

Last long-haul flight, DH and I had to pile the kids on a luggage trolley and BOLT for a connection.

On the way back, our plane ran late and we missed our connecting flight, meaning we were at a lose end in Amsterdam for 6 hours.

With a complete stranger? No, thanks! No matter how lovely, I'd rather be on my own.

Consider if it was your own mother who desperately wanted to visit you in Australia.

How do you feel about it now ?

I'm torn because I can see your point about me-time but surely the elderly lady just needs someone to guide her through passport/customs/departures/arrivals/baggage reclaim, may be your flight time would be peaceful.

You could agree to do the departures and arrivals bit which may well be the bit that is bothering her but just sit separately on the flight where the flight attendants will be able to assist her if she needs it.

Where are these karma fairies? If they exist, why do little children die, starve, get abused, etc? They didn't deserve bad karma, surely.

Warm glow.

FFS. Feel like lukewarm death after most long-haul flights I've been on.

'Consider if it was your own mother who desperately wanted to visit you in Australia.'

I would save up and go with her rather than foisting her on some stranger she didn't know.

I was forgetting about stopover time too.

Oooh tricky then, being responsible for someone is quite a commitment isn't it ?

I'm really on the fence about this one because I know that I would end up saying yes and not minding too much as I would be getting a bit of a warm fuzzy feeling from doing and anyway once in Oz I'd be free but sometimes, just sometimes "I waaaant to beeee alooooone !"

'Consider if it was your own mother who desperately wanted to go to Australia.'

Then I would take her myself

YADNBU. Even if the duties are few, I would have this on my mind for the entire journey and it would be ruined - selfish, yes. When you have DCs you are always looking out for others. What a treat for the OP to just pick up her bag and walk away. Like that Michael McIntyre sketch!

DH and I are flying to Las Vegas with mates this year and have made sure we aren't on the same flight as any of our group. As a mother of three DCs I don't want to think about ANYONE (even DH can sod off!).

If my own mother desperately wanted to go to Australia then I would
take her myself
encourage her to be able to look after herself
ask the airline to look after her
pay someone to do it (as per a link earlier in the thread)

I wouldn't feel warm and fuzzy about this, i would feel huge resentment and bitterness (not entirely due to the fact that I couldn't get bladdered and anaesthetised from the flight hell by copious free alcohol).

I am quite prepared to be considered selfish. Rather selfish than a completely selfless muggins.

expat, how many flights have you taken recently?! Taking someone to the airport and picking them up again is not where it begins and ends! You have check in, passport control, physically getting to the plane, etc. And these procedures will change dependent on which country you fly into and out of. Even if there is assistance from the staff (which I'm sure there would be), it's the reassurance that the elderly lady probably needs.

Like I said, I don't think the OP is unreasonable to turn down the request, but if she's wavering on whether to agree to this or not, she needs to know what specifically will be required of her.

The only warm, fuzzy glow I'd want to feel on my first trip without the DCs in tow is the one that comes after a large glass of wine with my meal.

'expat, how many flights have you taken recently?! Taking someone to the airport and picking them up again is not where it begins and ends! You have check in, passport control, physically getting to the plane, etc. And these procedures will change dependent on which country you fly into and out of. Even if there is assistance from the staff (which I'm sure there would be), it's the reassurance that the elderly lady probably needs.'

Oh, enough to be sick of them, but am about to do one next month and in December as well. DCs in tow, though. Ugggh, the getting up at 3AM for that flight to Amsterdam . . .

I stated that that's where it begins and ends for this cheeky 'friend' and her family, not the OP! The 'friend' dumps her mother off on the OP, skips off merrily and then the family pick her up in Oz. The OP, meanwhile, gets the responsibility of being a travel companion when she doesn't want one.

If you'd read my posts on here it's easily discernible I don't think teh OP is being U at all. This so-called mate is!

I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone I didn't know if I was going on holiday however old they were.

As much as anything, it's ok for the OP to 'keep an eye on her' but what if something happens? What if she is ill? Needs transferring to hospital? At what point would the OP's responsibility towards her end?

Presumably, if this lady needs someone to keep an eye on her it is because someone thinks that might be necessary.

If the OP has booked a once in a lifetime holiday to the other side of the world, then I don't think I'd want to accept this responsibility.

OP oooh I'm only on page five of 11...it's a risk posting I know BUT:

what one poster said early on is the most relevant here, think it was halloween

I think you should tell them that while you would have normally been happy to help for short trip, for such a long journey requiring lots of planning on everyone's part and hte potential for things to not go quite as planned you think it's too much of a risk/not really practical both for her and you to try to commit to such an arrangement.

What if your plans change and she's arranged herself to fly around you, what if one of you gets chucked off for overbooking etc as Halloween mentioned (you woulnd't be able to stay behind with her given limited time off, etc) Among any possible scenario.

You think it's better if the AIRLINE is lined up to help her in case an unexpected scenario arose as they are more experienced. You don't want to let her down.

I am willing to bet they don't even realise such a service exists, the assisted travel thing.

If they won't go for that and say they want YOU to do it, I think it's fine to say no, sorry, I just don't feel comfortable.

If it were me travelling or my mom or dad I would feel much more secure if this were in place.

If I was doing this without my children, my holiday would start the moment I boarded the plane. The rest, the food, drinks, movies..the SLEEP!! I really wouldn't want to be responsible for an elderly person, what if she has an accident, is that on ops shoulders?

If her family don't want her to travel alone, they should accompany her, not ask a virtual stranger to do so. My great grandmother (84) would hate to be 'cared for' by a stranger!

"but most people try to be nice." I try to be nice....and in my view "niceness" should be a spontaneous, natural unforced thing.

If you ask a question then the asker should expect either a yes or no answer and accept it, saying no does not make you not nice, feeling forced into saying yes does not make you nice, asking the question and expecting/wanting only a yes answer does not make you nice.

The friend of the OP, however innocently has put the op in an awkward position where she is now having to consider something she does not want to do in case she comes across as unkind...she has not put herself in this position, she has been put into this position by someone else, and will either feel guilty for saying no, or put upon for saying yes...and she is getting stick for it! Cheeky of the friend imo.

If op agrees to this, regardless of where they are sat on the plane, she will feel some sort of obligation/responsibility for this lady, an obligation/responsibility none of us would feel for a random stranger we just happen to be sat beside.

Ahhh I would, I volunteer and go and visit an old lady who is 86, she is really funny and lovely, I saw her today and she gave my DD2 a 'big penny' to spend at the shops..

I can see others' points of view but I too would be very happy to have someone to chat to.

Read my post people.

If you lived in Australia and your mother wanted to come and visit you, you wouldn't be in the U.K. in the first place to accompany her out to see you !

I once ended up 'looking after a stranger' on a flight. I was between my DH and a lady in the aisle seat.

Before take off she told me she was a nervous flier and don't be alarmed if she cried during the flight. I smiled and told her warmly that i was shit scared of flying nervous too, and not to worry at all. I said she could chat to me if it helped.

As we took off she burst violently into tears. I was clutching my DHs hand (as i always do during take off. So nervous) but i silently reached out to her and she clutched mine. So there were the 3 of us in a clutching chain as we took off

Anyway ... once the plane leveled out i let go of DH but the lady still clung to me sobbing. She managed to explain the real reason she was crying was because this was the first time she'd ever left her teenage son and gone on holiday on her own!

I spent most of the 3 hour flight soothing her about her son. My DH found it amusing. I found it tiring, but she was so grateful, bless her.

Just thought i'd share :) (still say OP is NBU)

You are being very selfish How can you say that! Of course she isn't being selfish.

And even if she were (which she isn't) I think people are allowed to be selfish now & then!

I'd say that I don't want to be responsible for their mum and that they need to organise assisted travel with the airline. It's a long flight with a stopover/connection and it's too much to help someone else through it. The mum might be wonderful at home in the UK and much more hard work in the alien environment of an airport, especially an overseas one.

If it was a shorter direct flight then I'd absolutely do it. A few hours in the air chatting to a stranger is fine (and I'm likely to be mostly at my best). Mum dropped off at airport and met the other end, really it's just a bit of company en route and getting her out via arrivals.

But hours in the air to Australia plus not much sleep, plus a stopover/connection, maybe high risk of missing connection - what if you can run for connection and she can't? - what if your luggage arrives at the connection and hers doesn't? or visa versa? Clearly your holiday travel takes priority over accompanying the mum but what if you have to leave her at the connection to make your flight (or one of you is off-loaded?). Will the daughter expect you to stay with her? What if something happens to the mum (illness/security or visa problem/missed connection)? Do you still have to accompany her to hospital/passport control/wait for the next flight?

Plus, if you get lucky and the airline offers an upgrade for you to take a later flight? If I was flying on my own, I'd probably be interested!

if the bookings are done separately the airline will allocate you seats and the chances of them being next to each other are minimal!!

Not necessarily. If they book in together, they may be seated together. Even if not, what if 'mum' insists once on board, sitting with op!?

YAsoNBU. YY to expat and Sucora. I used to do London Singapore for work and flew business (happy days) with clients and it was unspoken that we all never sat together as its so much more pleasant travelling alone than with a semi stranger/work colleague sitting next to you.

My grandmother flew to Australia to see her brother when she was in her early 80s. She was in good health and flew with her daughter and son in law. It was all too much for her and she fainted at LA airport (where they had to change planes) so they had to delay the next leg of the flight. What if this happened to OP?