To not want to babysit this elderly lady?

[hoopyloopy2]

I have just booked a once in a lifetime trip to see an old friend in Australia. Having heard about it, someone I know (not a close friend) has asked me if I would mind her booking her elderly mother (80s) on same flight so i can keep an eye on her on the trip (the mum has been thinking of visiting family there but apparently reluctant to travel alone). I really don't want to - this trip is a big treat for me, costing me a lot of money, and with two DCs at home, the flight was going to be some long-awaited me-time. AIBU if I say I can't help? And if not, what on earth do I say without looking like an uncharitable old cow?!

I agree that it's the bits in between. When you check in two hours ahead of time you'll have someone trailing round the make-up counters/Smiths/Monsoon alongside you, or say you fancy a bite to eat then you'll have to find out if they want to eat there too/balance two trays... and of course at the stop over it'll be all this to the power 100.

Maybe she's fine, but maybe she's quite demanding or the sort of person who's never been beyond the boundaries of her own town and would be thoroughly overwhelmed by the whole thing.

And as someone else sagely pointed out, the telling fact is that the family feels she needs a chaperone which doesn't bode well.

And guess who will be carrying all the handluggage.

And guess who will insist you wont go to Costa for a coffee, or a restaurant to eat during transit, as she has a packed lunch and will want to save money.

And guess who wont go browsing in shops, and wont be left alone while you browse.

And, lo and behold, she may be demented and incontinent.

I see you have travelled with my mil, Quintessential ! (Except no packed lunch, more like the Oyster Bar - and of course no purse to hand...)

No.

But I can imagine travelling with my mum....

Regardless of the morality, surely it's logistically more sensible for the 80 to woman to travel with a passenger assistance scheme anyway? She'll be with trained professionals who know the airports well, and airline staff will have much more authority and ability to ensure that the passenger's needs are met than OP would.

I'd book, then if it's mentioned again you can enthuse about how you've found out about passenger assistance, and how it'd be perfect because the expects will be helping her get to the right place at the right time, and they can get what she needs to be comfortable.

What a lot of 'codswallop'!!! The OP is selfish'. The 'Karma Pixies' will come and bite her on the bum!!! Ect,Etc,Etc

I am not adverse to helping people, strangers and friends/family alike and do try to treat people as I would like to be treated. The very fact that the OP is even asking if she is BU sounds like she is the same. IMO the 'friend' is one of lifes people that manage to have everyone 'dancing attendance' on them and in turn wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire!! A huge generalisation I know but I might as well join 'the club'!!!!

Your holiday, don't let anyone make you feel bad.

NO is a complete sentence!

NO excuses required just a polite and firm NO

Go, enjoy your flight in whatever way suits you and have a wonderfull time.

I think this thread should go down as a classic! We have hardly any information.
'She might die and wouldn't have seen her family because OP was mean' was the funniest!

Don't do it if you don't want to. But all this talk about "me time" is laughable. When you are stuck next to some over-weight sweaty passenger oozing over the armrest, or a wailing, vomiting baby, or a family of argumentative kids you might think the old lady was the better option. I'd probably do it, but I'm the sort of person who helps old ladies anyway. I think if you're not the type then she's probably better off without you.

Yes, Liliangish, but you have missed the point - OP won't be responsible for Mr. Fatnsweaty, or Baby McChuckemup or the Von Trapp Family hooligans! She would be responsible for this old lady!

And it's very easy to say you're the sort of person who helps old ladies - put your money where your mouth is and book yourself on the flight to help this one. What say you?

Agree this thread should be a classic - and want to say that in my first post I said the OP should fine out more - I completely take this back she should not find out more she should just say a flat no and not feel the guilt one tiny little bit.

Oh, god, all the memories of flights I've ever made come back to haunt me!

The woman who smelled of rotting fish Miami to San Juan and that was enough, the cokehead who stayed awake all the way from Singapore to Detroit whittering away save trips to the toilet, the kids beating each other from one row to another from Rome to Kathmandu, Frankfurt to Mumbai and some gal who threw up nearly the entire way.

Just say NO!

Long haul is bad enough on your own.

The elderly appear to be problems, they are frail and have mobility issues but can be the most entertaining people you can meet. Look beyond the wrinkles and see her as the young woman she was.

This is NOT a rant against the elderly ffs.

This is against being taken for a mug and asked to take responsibility for someone who is a stranger to the OP, and is only related to an acquaintance.

If the elderly lady needed "babysitting" I'm sure her family wouldn't want her to travel half way across the world!

It's more likely to make her daughter feel better, that there's someone on the same flight as her mum that she knows. I'd be proud to be asked, there are some lovely elderly people, with plenty interesting tales.

Not all old people are awful. Not all of them are lovely. Much like people of any other age

suocera's posts are spot on - no one would ever dream of asking a man to do this

She's not being asked to take responsibility, merely to be a friendly face on the trip, someone to accompany an elderly lady who doesn't want to travel alone.

There is an inherent responsibility in that, though, what if this woman turns out to be a harridan, nervous wreck, frail, whatever.

She is a stranger to the OP, so she doesn't know.

How can she be classed as a friendly face when she has never met her?

'She's not being asked to take responsibility, merely to be a friendly face on the trip, someone to accompany an elderly lady who doesn't want to travel alone.'

And she doesn't want to! She wants to travel alone, for the first time in probably a very long time.

And I don't see what is wrong about that at all.

NO ONE is saying the elderly are awful, a nuisance. Merely that the OP has expressed that she wants to travel alone to see an old friend.

Fair enough. Good on her if that's what she wants and has the ability to do so.

Don't see why she should compromise that if she doesn't have to, or why that makes her a bad person or an unreasonable one.

Alone? On a cramped aircraft to Australia. A flight where she may end up sitting next to an elderly lady with whom she strikes up a conversation to pass the time, what difference will it make if she already knows who'll be sitting there?

Because the old lady sitting next to her will have no expectations. I never talk to people on planes. Ever. I don't want to be sat next to some boring git for hours on end so the best thing is to cut off all attempts at conversation. You can't do that if you're 'keeping an eye on someone'

It is not just that - it is the responsibility in check in, boarding, waiting for the flight, transfers, all for over 24 hours and having to feel responsible. It's not as if the OP can say to the elderly woman 'see you later' at somewhere like Changi, she will be expected to assist and accompany.

It is completely different from having a cursory ten minute chat about the weather to someone you are randomly allocated a seat next to - there isn't the assumption that you are expected to be a companion for the entire trip.

I also never speak to anyone on a plane - why would I. I generally just put the eye mask on after a few gins and try to sleep my way through the hell that is a long flight.

'in her 80s'

so she could be approaching 90?