Is my husband a massive idiot or do I owe him an apology?

[obvioussockpuppet]

DS (5) has a real intolerance to anything mint flavoured. He says it burns his mouth/gives him a poorly throat so I tend to buy him strawberry flavoured toothpaste or similar. I did an online shop a few weeks back and they sent me mint toothpaste as a substitute for strawberry. Rather than chuck the mint stuff out, I put it in our bathroom cabinet with the intention of giving it to my mate for her DCs. It is still in there.

A few night back, DH accidentally brushed DS's teeth with the mint stuff and DS really sobbed. He just hates mint, really really hates it. So last night, DH tells DS he is having his teeth cleaned with the mint toothpaste Ds obviously protests but DH then proceeds to make him have his teeth cleaned with it. DS cries loudly so I go upstairs to see why he is making him use the fucking toothpaste.

I snatched the toothbrush off DH and washed the mint stuff off, then gave him the strawberry stuff to clean his teeth. DH then starts saying that DS is crying to "play us off against each other" he is "crying for attention" "he cries for nothing" I said that actually I think it is borderlining on abuse to force a child to consume something that provokes such a violent reaction in them. DH is a vegetarian, would he like it if I stuffed a wodge of wafer thin ham in his trap?

We didn't speak for the rest of the night and he has just text me saying that what I said was serious (about borderline abuse) but I think I am right. I also said he is power-pissed where DS is concerned. I hate hearing my little boy sobbing over something as lame as toothpaste and I WILL stand up for him! Fancy making him use that toothpaste is he hates it that much.

It sounds petty written down.

I am a regular under a NC by the way because I am planning on showing DH this thread.

Does your dh have a probably with his son crying? Is he trying to toughen him up? It's bedtime, not boot-camp. Ds (5) made me take his teddy out of the room recently as he was scaring him - silly, but important to him so I did it.

TBH, there is ALWAYS an issue at bed/bath time. DH does bed/bath and DS is always in tears and I am certain it is because of DH's high-handedness. I probably shouldn't have made a scene on front of DS but honestly, I'm sick of it. :(

I can't for the life of me understand this battle.
You both know that your DS's really doesn't like mint so why give it him in the for of toothpaste. Surely having your teeth and gums scrubed in something you hate is not going to bring out the best in you so why make a rod for your own back?

I think your DH was being a dick in this situation and to be honest quite nasty. No need as it was entirely avoidable.

Oh and my ds refused to use mint toothpaste too, despie it having his hero Spiderman on it. Kids don't like mint.

Your DH was unreasonable to use a toothpaste your son didn't like if there was an alternative available.
However you were unreasonable to snatch the brush off him, tell him off in front of his child and accuse him of child abuse.
For using a toothpaste he didn't like the flavour of.
You should have dealt with it after the event. How did you expect your DH to react? how would you have reacted if the situation was reversed. Do you have evidence that he has an allergic reaction to mint, examined his mouth for signs of redness or irritation, and if so have you communicated this to your DH?

My son is almost 12 and still cannot bear mint toothpaste. It doesn't matter how mild it is; he really, really hates mint. Likewise Polos, chewing gum and so on. He doesn't even like mint choc chip icecream; this is a child who will eat almost anything.

He likes mint sauce though

I don't like the way you grabbed the toothbrush and made a scene, but I think I'd have done the same. Your husband was being an almighty arse, and a bully. What else could you have done?

That is the thing - totally unavoidable. I don't see the point in making little kids cry for the sake of something like this. I hate to think of him going to bed upset and worrying about what's going through his little mind. To us toothpaste sounds like a tiny thing. To a 5 year old, it isn't.

My children both hate mint. They both use mint toothpaste because the kid's toothpaste isn't appropraite for them (according to our Dentist they should be using adult paste - they're 8 and 4).

They don't like it, they say it burns (but mint does have that kind of feeling) but they do it, its that or lose teeth.

Unless there is a rash or swelling, I wouldn't say your DH is being unreasonable. YWBU to react the way you did in front of your DH, it DID undermine him, and this IS a matter of opinion.

Saying that, if you can find a non-mint adult toothpaste then there is no issue if you get that instead, when you find it can you post it here please?

Much as I am sticking with the mint, if there's an adult alternative I would use it and make teethbrushing less of a chore.

Your DH obviously thinks his son is putting it on. Perhaps there is a reason he thinks this. Without hearing his take on why he is making the parenting decisions he is I don't really feel like I can judge him (although it does all sound like a big fuss over not very much so I suspect there is something else going on here if the two of you are at such odds).

DH does bed/bath and DS is always in tears

I think you might need talk through with your DH what's going on, and how you are both feeling.

HMMM. What's that saying "Be nice to your kids as they will choose your nursing home."Why have a inoxious row over toothpaste .When he is old lets see the power struggles then
.Just because you are bigger and stronger than your child you don't have to prove it to them all the time.
I don't think you DH is a kind daddy.And please don't try and get your DS to do things just to appease your DH.

I don't think that there needs to be an allergy for it to be unpleasant for a child. Imagine toothpaste being the flavour of something that you really, really hate. How unpleasant must it be to have to put it into your mouth twice a day?!

I think its bullying, I really do. Why should your son use a toothpaste he doesn't like?

I hate anchovies, really fucking hate them. The thought of eating them makes me want to vomit. The smell of them disgusts me. If my DH forced me to eat them that would be bullying, and control freakery - why is it any different just because it is a child saying no?

I don't agree with buying spearmint toothpaste either. You've found one your DS will use (strawberry), why should he try another one? Who benefits? WTF does it matter what toothpaste he uses as long as he uses one.

My DD hates mushrooms - she doesn't mind the taste, but cannot cope with the 'feel' of them in her mouth. So guess what, I don't feed her mushrooms.

Sorry, but I think your husband is a prick. Is there a food he doesn't like? Feed it to him tonight and see how he likes it.

Mint toothpaste and mouthwash really burns the mouth off of me too and I have at least 2 decades on your DS. I found Tatty Teddy toothpaste in softmint in my local Dealz (I think it's our version of poundland) and it works well for me. If he wants to go onto mouthwash I found the Listerine Smart Rinse Berry flavour really good.

BTW - YANBU

YANBU.

I think that hearing your child screaming like that for something SO petty and avoidable just so that Dad can flex his muscles would bring out the worst in anyone and I think I would have reacted just as you did.

'a violent reaction'? Really?

A child doesnt like the taste of toothpaste an you consider it a violent reaction?

I understand where your DH is coming from.

I think this is a much bigger issue
Sounds very much like my DH so I can sympathise
He doesn't understand children.
He has no patience, tolerance and just cannot get that they aren't little adults

He needs sitting down and talking to, you have to get it through to him that there is a way to handle children without being horrid

Aldi- health food type shops do a Fennell (sp?) toothpaste that I tried, as at the grand old age of 26 I struggle to brush my teeth for the minimum 2 minutes using minty toothpaste as it feels like it's burning. As for mouthwash, even the "delicate" ones, imagine gargling boiling water, that's what it feels like to me.

my ds hates mint too
I can see this exact scenario playing out in our house

TBH, there is ALWAYS an issue at bed/bath time. DH does bed/bath and DS is always in tears

Sounds like your DH inn a dick headed way is trying to toughen up your DS. Poor show on his part.

YANBU and your DH is being an ARSE

Exactly, LtEveDallas.

Obvious - the possibility of an allergy/intolerance is a red herring. The problem is your husband forcing his young son to do something he hates when there is a very viable alternative.

I have to say that if DD was in tears every time DH did the bedtime routine I would be having serious words about his parenting.

YANBU.No it wasn't ideal that you said what you did in front of your DS. he probably now thinks daddy is abusive and you are his savior, not good, but i can totally see why you did it.
He is flexing his power over his son, and this was one occasion to do it, totally unnecessary given the strawberry was there, and very mean, knowing how much it upsets him. I do agree, there seems to be more going on, does your DH think you are too soft in general? and thinks making your DS 'man up' is for his own good? just playing devils advocate, as the poor kid is 5, and doesn't like frigging mint!! (mine too by the way,also 5, can't stand the stuff)

Your husband is a bullying prick

I feel sorry for your ds tbh.