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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of the bashing

230 replies

gossipgirl1 · 16/09/2012 21:56

Where shall I start..... I am sick to death of everyone taking the piss out of 50 Shades books, okay so it's not the best written book in the world but the amount of people who start threads about how they think it's shit is really getting on my nerves. Lets be honest the only reason you people start threads like that is because you know everyone will jump on the bandwagon like a fucking sheep and that makes you feel powerful.

Get a grip....just get a grip.

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 16/09/2012 23:07

gossip the abuse is evident throughout the entirety of the "relationship" NOT just in the crap sex scenes.

The fact that you don't recognise that is what is so scary about this book.

His mother was a crack whore and he was adopted and loved by a successful, well-rounded couple. That's the background that turns him into an abusive misogynist.

Wasn't it in the second book that he says he likes to "beat the shit out of little girls who look like his mother" or some such? That I remember vividly. It was horrendous to read.

So too was the part where his therapist told her to stay with him so he could be fixed. Like it's her job to fix this damaged individual and be treated like a sub-human in the process. Trust me. He's abusive.

SuePurblybilt · 16/09/2012 23:08

So is the reason you started this thread cos you really wanted a cosy book club chat about 50 shades O' shoite? I'm not sure the characters and plot will stand up to much discussion but feel free - there was really no call to get all upset about it.

waltermittymissus · 16/09/2012 23:10

For those who haven't read it: he tells her what to eat and when to eat. He tells her who she can and can't talk to (because he's worried about her).

He buys the company where she gets a job (to keep her safe). And this is the stuff that has women swooning about how romantic he is. Do you have chills yet?

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 16/09/2012 23:13

Rosemary Grin

MinnieBar · 16/09/2012 23:15

I know 'it's just a book' but I can't believe OP that you've just used the 'but she didn't say stop so she wanted it really' line.

Do you really not see the parallels? Really?

scottishmummy · 16/09/2012 23:18

op will come back and smack all us sheep
probably call us haters or some such retort
for cussing her besets ever book

CatPower · 16/09/2012 23:19

Note to OP - Bella and Edward Anastacia and Christian aren't real, and the author doesn't care about you defending her turgid scribbles books.

SuePurblybilt · 16/09/2012 23:20

Turns out it didn't need a power crazed sheepy bandwangonner to start a thread full of posts calling it a crap book, did it? Any thread ends up that way. it must be a law of physics or summat.

TwinkleReturns · 16/09/2012 23:20

Its no wonder really is it that so many women dont know the red flags and so often get told by friends and family that he loves her, hes just stressed, Im sure its not that bad .... I think we need to have emotional abuse and red flags etc as part of the curriculum in secondary schools. If they can cover drugs, alcohol, sex ed and testicular cancer then surely it about time they started teaching girls what is and what isnt ok in a relationship. I certainly didnt have a clue and books and TV were where we learnt about relationships. It fills me with horror that this book is being absorbed by young women nationwide.

OP you are being incredibly naive if you genuinely cant recognise the controlling abusive nature of these books. We arent being petty or jumping on a bandwagon, many posters on MN have experienced abuse and the reason we react this way is because we see women on here everyday describing behaviour just like he does in that book. These women aren't all aroused and saying how romantic it is. They are scared, worn down, desperate for help. I suggest you consider the more serious connotations of helping to publicise this vile "fiction" before you get uppity that not everyone agrees with you.

Original poster
gossipgirl1 · 16/09/2012 23:22

I just fail to see how it's abuse, they have a safeword, she could stop at any time, he would stop if she used the safeword and whoever said it was rape where exactly in the book was it not consensual sex?

OP posts:
waltermittymissus · 16/09/2012 23:25

OP have you read my posts? The abuse is not just the sex. It is every facet of the "relationship".

There's a red flags thread around here somehere. Perhaps you should read it before you start defending a damaging and terribly written piece of shit that started out as bloody twilight fanfiction!

TheGoldenKnid · 16/09/2012 23:25

Well done, OP. You have managed to start another 50 Shites of Grim bashing thread. Grin

You know, I'm tempted to start another 50SoG bashing thread now - just because I can. Oh, and of course it makes me feel so powerful.

scottishmummy · 16/09/2012 23:26

I is so powerful
hear me baaa
now where's my bandwagon....

TwinkleReturns · 16/09/2012 23:27

yes Minnie I feel a little ill seeing that line being bandied about. Has "We believe you" taught posters on this site nothing?

OP I never told my ex-p to stop when he routinely shoved his hand up my anus. Does that mean I was gagging for it? Or that I liked it really? Believe me, he would have told you I did.

It is very dangerous to make comments like that. There are thousands of women wrestling with self doubt over abuse they feel they "failed to stop". I used to actively seek out comments like that OP, to convince myself that it wasn't really abuse because he loved me didn't he? He could never really hurt me if he loved me? He had been through some awful things, I thought I should stay with him to help him. He would have killed me if I hadn't woken up and accessed help.

I apologise for the bluntness on a thread which was semi-lighthearted but I couldnt leave that comment unaddressed. A year ago this thread would have been enough to convince me to stay for another month on the basis of that one comment.

seeker · 16/09/2012 23:28

Gossip girl- what about the controlling what she eats, what about him not letting her see her friends, what about him buying the company she works for, whqt about him not letting her go out for a sandwich............

TwinkleReturns · 16/09/2012 23:30

x-posts - OP I suggest you read up on abuse, on red flags, on controlling behaviour so that you can understand where we are coming from. Im afraid you are wrong.

valiumredhead · 16/09/2012 23:31

I haven't actually seen any 50 Shades threads in ages until you started this one but I imagine most posters who dislike it do so because 1) it's poorly written and 2) it attempts to romanticise an abusive relationship. It's not BDSM, it's abuse

The safe word is used during sex, yes but he is abusive outside the bedroom too.

It is probably the worst book I have ever read and I read any old crap usually, and enjoy it! This one just made me very very angry.

TwinkleReturns · 16/09/2012 23:32

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1451592-Red-flags-I-should-have-heeded-share-yours-for-womenkind - this is a good start OP, please take a look.

valiumredhead · 16/09/2012 23:33

www.sinfest.net/comikaze/comics/2012-06-21.gif

pumpkinsweetie · 16/09/2012 23:34

I have got 25 pages in so far, and nothing has actually happened yet apart from a meeting inwhich nothing has happened....bore!
My dh bought it for me as for some reason he seems to think im in to this latest '50 shades phenomenon' when in fact he could have spent the £4.00 on some handcuffs instead much more frilling for meGrin
I just hope A: it gets better or B:he gets his money back as we are brokeBlush

Fwiw im not into controlling men having been with one myself back in the hayday so im hoping reading this book furthermore doesn't give me nightmares.

ethelb · 16/09/2012 23:37

Op I don't like them and find the entire premise odd. But I agree that a lot of the threads are smug snobbery. Like people proudly declaring the dan brown books are shit.
Really? You think the da Vinci code is a crock of shite? Oh well done you must be sooo clever.

pumpkinsweetie · 16/09/2012 23:39

To be fair the writter has made a mint, so it can't be too bad!
Secretly we all wish we had written it, and the snobbery & bashing is simply down to pure book envyGrinEnvy

valiumredhead · 16/09/2012 23:41

I don't think it's smug snobbery - I think it's amazement that anything that badly written could be published!

If I hear one more time "Oh but if you look past the sex scenes it's actually a really good story" Errr if you flick through the sex scenes there IS nothing else!

I like Dan Brown btw Wink

Original poster
gossipgirl1 · 16/09/2012 23:44

Twinlke returns...I am sorry that you had to go through that, I really am. The difference between your ex and fictional Christian ( whoever made that joke i do know its fictional) is that Christian actually stopped when she told him to in the second one. They only carried on with the relationship when she was 100% comfortable with it. That type of abuse you described is not okay by any account, but the furthest they went in the "red room" is with leather belts thats what baffles me when some people say its abuse. Again if i've offended some people I do apoligise I know what i'm trying to say I just don't fee like I am getting my point across properly...... This thead was only supposed to be lightearted by the way

OP posts:
CleoSmackYa · 16/09/2012 23:51

It's not the sex parts that are worrying people OP.