Am i expecting too much??

[LittleSugaPlum]

DH has his two children round every sat for the day.

One boy aged 10, one girl aged 8.

Im getting really irritated with them not flushing the toilet when they have finished, i have one upstairs and one downstairs. Everytime they come, both toilets have never been flushed by them.

They dont use toilet paper either. Yesterday i was out all day, came home around 6ish, didnt go upstairs until 11pm.

Went to use the upstairs loo before bed, the bathroom door was shut - which is unusual.

I opened it and the stench knocked me sick!! I was retching like mad.

The toilet was full of shit, no toilet paper in toilet, it took 4 flushes to get rid of it.

The smell in the bathroom was awful, i couldnt use the toilet.

DH tells me it was the 10year old that had been playing upstairs, the younger one hadnt been upstairs.

AIBU in thinking that at 8 and 10 years old children should be able to wipe their backside and flush the toilet???

Ive never known them to flush the toilet.

The 8 year old took her shoes off in the middle of the kitchen doorway yesterday and walked off into the living room and left them there.

I immediatley shouted her back and said "Excuse me, do those shoes belong there? Someone is going to break their neck on them!"

AIBU thinking that all this is disrespectful to our house?

Im sick to death of getting on their backs about stuff, it really irritates me, or is it normal for children of this age to not flush toilets, put shoes were they belong etc??

When i mention it to DH, he just shrugs and says its because they arent taught to do these things on a daily basis at their mums.

YANBU. They may not have to flush the loo at home but it is considered standard behaviour in most places (ie at school, in cafes and restaurants, at friends' houses). They are old enough to learn. What they do at their mother's house is her business but they need to stop with the anti-social behaviour when elsewhere!

You sound like you over-reacted to the shoes - children do take shoes off, asking them to put them to the side is one thing, to immediately jump in and shout could make them think you dont like them.

The toilet thing doesnt sounds great, I would think that an 8 and 10 year old should be reliable about flushing the toilet. Do you and their dad remind them when they come out of the bathroom if they have forgotten?

I would think these are pretty basic tasks, my 6yo has been doing these since the she of 3!

maybe your DH could speak to their mum about this and perhaps she will encourage them alongside both of you. I guess it is a learned behaviour but surely they are old enough to do it if their own accord?!

If their mother is alone and finding it difficult to make ends meet, it could be that she has a water meter and has told them that their toilets will be flushed only once at the end of the day.

I think you are going to have to sit the children down and talk frankly to them about the rules in your house. No - get their father to do that otherwise they'll report to their mother about the wicked 'step-mother'.

Maybe i did over react about the shoes, but if its not the shoes, its their coats slung across the living room floor etc.

Yep if we see them come out the bathroom, then they are told to go back in and flush it, but if you dont see them come out of it, then it doesnt get flushed

yanbu and not expecting too much.

your dh needs to have a word and back you up.

what does he say about it?

bugger sorry. didnt read the last sentence!

he needs to teach them them.

Yanbu. If my 3 year old can wipe and flush then a 10 yo () can do it. Equally with the shoes. Perhaps put a sign on the back of the bathroom door until they get the picture?

Masssive over reaction over the shoe/coat issue

If the toilet thing is really that bad then ask their father to have a word with them.

It's not about disrespecting your house, it's about them learning the different rules of your house.

Talking to their mother is out of the question, DH and their mum never communicate well.

DH has sat them down many of times and explained not in these words but basically said, you dont treat this house like a pigsty etc, and has talked to them about picking stuff up off the floor like toffee wrappers etc and not just leaving it on the floor etc, but they still need reminding everytime and it falls on death ears

They need to be trained with constant reminders. Even if they don't do it at home that shouldn't stop you enforcing your own house rules.

No you didn't over react to the shoes, I'm always on at my kids for leaving shoes all over places, I would go ballistic if they were in he middle of the doorway and yes I'd shout too if the toilet wasn't flushed.

They could be shitting on you as they are aware that they consider them "his children"

Kids need constant reminder though - it's no buggy really. No need for big full on chats about it, just remind them every single time. When they are about 18 they will get it

You sound as if you hate these kids. I bet you'd find fault with them whatever. The situations you describe are slightly irritating but no more than that. Lots of here have said you are in the right though, so hey..

" it took 4 flushes to get rid of it"

there you go then, it wasnt deliberate, they just couldnt get it to go

they are probably too frightened/embarrassed to ask for help - would you in a stranger's house?

valium Please dont tell me i have another 10 years of reminding them to flush the loo?? god help me!

"You sound as if you hate these kids. I bet you'd find fault with them whatever."

this ^^

I think you need to have a family sit down and explain what your expectations in your house are. (Agree this with your dh first!). It sounds like things have built up and you're very resentful, which won't be good for your relationship with the kids. You have a relationship with them. You need to be firm but also realise they are 'in training' and not used to this behaviour, so cut them some slack but keep reminding them (in a nice way).

black It wasnt even attempted to be flushed, those kids arent frightened of asking for anything believe me!

A strangers house?? That made me laugh....

Boak... don't they smell of poo if they don't "clear up" afterwards?? YAsooooNBU

I agree with try - these are little things. So the bathroom stank? - open the window, flush the toilet and have another word with them.

Perhaps they are scared of the flush sound - I was terrified of the noises the pipes made at my Gran's house even when I was 10.

As a child of divorced parents let me tell you it is REALLY difficult coping with a step parent, please don't make a big deal over something that doesn't need to be.

Littlesuga I'm sorry to say it's my 14 who's the one that's likely to forget to flush, don't if it's a boy thing.

do you wash their underwear? I just don't see how you can not wipe your bum and get away with it?!!

'those kids', you don't sound too positive about them...